Observe And Report Page #5

to enter to the police academy.

So let's start with your background.

Where're you from?

Born and raised right here, actually.

- A local boy, okay.

And Ronnie, do you have a history of depression,

or psychosis, or anything like that?

Uh, yeah, but nothing really worth mentioning.

Just a little bi-polar disorder, no big deal.

Oh, uh, are you taking any prescription medications?

- I am pleased to announce that I am currently off of prescription medications.

Congratulations. Why did

the doctors take you off?

They didn't.

How are you feeling?

- Great, actually.

I met a girl,

we're in love, so that...

that is very good.

This close to catching this pervert.

Catching a robber.

Just generally becoming a man.

So at this point in my life,

I just feel I can destroy some motherfuckers.

Okay, I'm just gonna write that down.

- Yes, write it all down.

Okay, why do you want to become a police officer?

That's the big question now, is it?

I have a dream.

Most nights.

It starts on a playground,

there's kids, they're swinging ...

laughing, dogs barking,

there's butterflies flapping their little wings...

And then you hear a rumbling.

And over the horizon comes a

black cloud.

And it's made of cancer ...

puss, starts seeping on the playground ...

They start screaming and clawing their eyes,

and pulling at their hair, and say ...

"Help, what do we do?"

You know whats happens next?

Out steps me, wielding the biggest f***ing

shotgun that you've ever seen in your life...

and you know what I do?

I blow every f***ing thing away.

And I am getting God's work done.

When it's all over, the dust is settled

the whole world gathers below me ...

and say "Thank you, Ronnie, thank you for helping".

Being a great man,

and doing it for us.

And you know what I say, "You don't need to thank me.

Yeah, I am just a guy with a gun."

"I'm just a cop."

- Okay.

That should do it.

Thank you for your time, Mr. Barnhardt.

- Eh! I think you mean officer Barnhardt.

To Ronnie! Yeeeeaaa...Ronnie.

- Thanks.

Ronnie Barnhardt got called up

to the big league.

You're finally gonna get to carry a gun

and everyting.

It's awesome Ronnie.

- Ronnie, I'm so proud of you.

Thanks, mommy, thanks for this cake.

It's incredible.

It is, it's a gun.

- Oh yes.

My little baby.

I'm so happy for you.

I think the White House will be the next stop.

I mean I think you could be that big, Ronnie.

- That's ok.

I'm so happy for you...What is this?

- For your tears.

Well thank you, brown-eyes.

You know, when Ronnie was in um ah high-school ...

I used to f*** all his friends.

- Okay, Mom.

O damn.

- It's that awesome thing right there.

Yes, that's the thing here.

Yes, I think, right there.

This'll tingle just a little bit,

but you'll get used to it.

Do you feel that?

Wait for me.

Ronnie, wait.

Just don't say anything. I'm gonna give it away.

- It's gonna be okay, buddy. - I know, I know, I know...

Yeah, come in.

Hello brother!

- Ronnie ...

How is it going, amico?

- Have a sit.

How you doing.

- I'm great, just..nice, yeah.

I don't usually do this kind of thing, but I um ...

I wanna be the one to give you the news.

And then see your face

when you found out.

Very good sir, I appreciate that.

Thank you, sir.

Um, we're not gonna be able to let you join

the academy.

That's not possible, so, yeah,

that's not true.

Seems you've had little trouble passing

the minimum requirements.

Did I fail one of the tests?

- Oh yeah, actually you did, you failed the psychological exam.

I remember she put a big A plus sign on it,

and I passed and that was me.

So you know, I have passed that test. - Really?

Yeah, I've passed the sh*t out of it.

It says right here. Mr. Barnhardt

shows warning signs of delusion.

Allowing him to join the force at

this time, puts his life ...

and the lives of others in jeopardy.

I don't um, I don't see how this is possible.

You have problems.

- You know, we can handle this, we can figure this out.

I know this is hard

to hear ...

So uh, I thought this is

gonna be kinda funny, but ...

It's actually kinda sad.

So I'll catch you later, Harrison.

So, I tried talking to them,

but there's just no way they're gonna let you in.

So you wanting to become a police officer,

is just not gonna happen.

I am Nell.

- Do you want some of my buns?

Yeah, getting toaster off, my leg broke. Beep.

Damn, why did I left on the frigging fire?

Hey, I thought you're

gonna go work for the police?

You know I made it and I tried it out for a few days

and it's just not it, it wasn't for me.

So. So I just come back here.

I don't wanna talk about it.

No problem, Ronnie.

Hey, you want a cup of coffee?

- No.

No, I don't think I do.

No offense to you, but I'm

gonna have to refuse your coffee.

You know, coffee seems disgusting to me.

In fact right now, I don't think I want anything less

in a whole wide world than a cup of your coffee, so, no thank you!

Okay, on a second thought, okay, yeah, sure, I'll have a cup of coffee ...

- Roger is so mean to me.

Who is Roger? - The manager,

he hates me, because I can't walk.

He jokes about me with that girl,

about how lazy I am.

Well you know, I'm not lazy. The only reason

that I am sitting in this chair is, is my leg.

I wanna quit and I can't,

cause I don't have any money.

There's doctors and there's insurance and stuff.

I'm sorry.

Okay, you can't come back here!

Go get in there! Get in there now! You

like making fun of people?

No, I don't.

- You like making fun of people?

If you're gonna say one more thing to Nell

I'm gonna f***ing murder you!

And you too!

I was never here, okay?

- Okay.

I just wanted to let know it's really

good to have you back.

Hey! What the hell are you

doing?

Okay, you put a foot on my car,

what are you doing?

Just try to calm down... - Louder!

- I won't calm down!

Just...Calm the f*** down!

- F*** you!

If you don't take this foot off my car,

I'm gonna start whooping some ass in here ...

Okay, get your tazer.

- You have no right to put a tazer on me!

Can you get your f***ing tazer!

Charles.. - Alright, alright...

F***! - How hard is that?

That's the easiest thing on earth.

I got another one right here, motherf***er.

Hey Ronnie, how's it going?

Think we found something that might cheer you up. Yeah.

- What's that?

To clear the pervert case.

We found it next to the dumpsters.

Okay Ronnie, I expected a little more of a reaction.

I'm not okay Charles...

and ...um, unfortunately no,

this picture of a penis does not cheer me up.

Okay, guys, we should probably be getting back to work.

Well, Ronnie, just, take it easy.

I don't know what's happening to me Dennis,

I feel like I'm losing it.

A change is coming. I used to think

I was the only thing between the light and the darkness.

But you know what I realize now?

This is who I am.

Take me in, Dennis,

don't look away.

Ronnie, can you please take that dick

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