Observe And Report Page #4

You set me up, you left me out there and

that's all there is to it. Admit it!

Yeah, I set you up.

What you gonna do about it, Ronald, huh?

What are you gonna do?

- I'm gonna thank you.

What are you talking about you're gonna thank me?

I knew you wanted to see

if I have the chops to be a police officer ...

and I did it man! I did it!

And there are six dead crackheads

that can confirm that.

Thank you detective Harrison, from the bottom of my heart,

thank you...

...for believing in me.

- I don't know what to say.

Shhh, don't say anything.

Your actions say more than

words ever could.

I always wanted a cop,

I didn't want to admit it, but ...

you knew.

You knew.

I need more.

Get used to seeing

Ronnie Barnhardt around here.

Boo! F*** you!

Cadets, ready!

Move aside.

F***!

- Where you running, girl?

You scared the sh*t out of me!

Forgot where you car was, huh?

Well move over.

Brandi.

Brandi, Brandi, Brandi.

Okay Brandi, I'm gonna lay out a scenario for you.

You, me, free dinner.

You fill in the rest,

with the answer 'yes'.

There is my car.

- Huh, what?

Where are you going?

- What, sorry, the brakes, did someone cut the brakes?

Oh my God!

- I can't stop!

I'm just joking. I can stop,

but I'm not going to, unless ...

You agree to go to dinner with me.

So you better say yes ...

and tell me what you want to eat for dinner.

- Fine, motherf***er.

Alright, pick me up next Friday night.

- It's a date.

No, it's not a f***ing date.

Just don't tell to anybody.

Don't.

- No, you don't.

Listen, okay I've told you,

if you're gonna sit up here ...

you gotta keep this counter clean.

- Now, I can't reach that far.

"I can't reach that far coz of my thing ..."

"If only I had a stick ..."

"or something that would extend my reach ..."

like the eight stick objects that are behind this counter!

Think outside the box!

I'm so sorry Roger, I'm gonna do better.

I'm sorry.

Oh, two sorries. Oh, I thought

those would clean the counter.

but they don't, because, guess

I'm f***ing dumb.

Cup of coffee, please.

- Hey, Ronnie.

Is there something wrong?

- Yeah, I'm fine.

I did see you wearing ring on your finger,

are you married by any chance?

This ring? No, I'm not married, it's...

I'm married to God.

It just means I'm waiting for

a marriage before I'm with a man.

So you're a virgin?

Technically I'm a born-again virgin.

I mean, we've all been

to "Beach Week", right?

I mean so yeah, I'm a virgin again.

Why do you ask?

Oh, no reason, um...

Well, actually uh...

I kinda have a hot date set with Brandi,

from the make-up counter.

So I thought if you were married, you might have some insides into

relationships, maybe tell me what I should wear on a date, but...

No, you know what, nevermind, uh..

What you just said is kinda weird...

I don't think you're the best

person to be giving the advice on this so...

Yeah...

- You're right, yeah, it's been awhile, sorry.

But, the coffee is delicious.

You should get married to this.

Okay, well thank you.

- No problem.

Hey Ronnie.

- Yes?

I think you should dress like yourself.

Yes, like I said, not the

best person to be taking advice from, on....

Come on, Ronnie, just get out here.

- It's too tight on the butt.

Let me see.

Ronnie, you look so handsome.

Don't I look like a phoney?

- Heavens no.

This girl's gonna be knocked on her socks.

It's kinda of a cool outfit, I...

- Way cool.

That girl must be really special.

Oh god she is, Mom.

She's the most beautiful girl in the whole world.

You know, I remember when your father

picked me up for our first date.

I swear he was the most

handsome man I ever laid eyes on.

I knew right there and then that,

I would f*** him that night and that I...

will end up marrying him.

I sure hope that

happens to me tonight.

Oh, well, Ronnie, I just know that.

Mom.

Why did dad leave?

Well, he kinda freaked out

when you were born.

You've had so many special needs ...

He just, couldn't handle the pressure.

I guess he couldn't take it anymore.

You think it was my fault,

that dad left?

Definitely.

I love you, Ronnie.

- I love you too.

Let me out.

See you later, sweetie.

- F*** you, Taylor!

My God!

Hi.

- Well, hello.

What are you doing here?

W were supposed to have dinner tonight.

I forgot.

- It's okay, I didn't.

Yeah, well, it's pretty late.

I made several dinner reservations

so will get table no matter what.

Well I gotta pee first.

Good.

Do you want me to come, should I...

Yeah, I'll just wait out here.

That was impressive,

you drive like you drink, fast too.

Wait, watch this.

Nurse!

Nurse, can I get another?

Wait, this is on you, right?

- Oh yeah, I got it all, I got it all.

Nurse, four shots of tequila, okay?

I think it's very funny to

call a waitress a nurse.

Nurse.

Brandi, I'm just dying to know how

much you like working in this mall?

Oh god, I hate that shop.

- Me too, I f***ing hate it.

I mean it's just the bitching all day long ...

I put make-up on these fat-ass women ...

and you know what, like my mama always said,

"you can polish a turd but it's still a piece of sh*t"

Exactly.

- Anyway ...

that's a f***ing mall.

- That is such an incredible....

Hold up. What the f*** is that?

What is that? What is that?

- Let me see. Don't be stingy.

Come here.

It is a pill that I should take.

- Oh my god where did you get these?

From my doctor.

- Colozapam, that 's the good stuff.

I am impressed.

I did not know you party like that.

I do, I do a lot of party,

I party like this every 4-6 hours.

Can I have one?

Really?

- Come on, please.

Come on, Ronnie. Come on.

You know what. You can take the whole thing.

Take all of 'em.

I don't think I need them anymore.

Everything is going great in my life now right now.

Just like it is with you and this cop thing ...

These pills just kinda keep me here,

but right now ...

I just ... I just need to...

You know, that's what I need right now.

I'm on this..

And noone is stopping me from doing this so,

consider this my gift to you.

Oh yes.

- Yes.

Can I ask something?

- Yes, anything.

I thought this dinner's gonna suck.

- Me too, why?

I was like, weird guy at the mall,

asking me out.

Oh my God.

But now I got all this crap. Thank you.

All right.

- Shots!

Yes! Shots!

Down the hatch...

To eternal life ...

together.

- F*** you.

Okay.

- Come on b*tch.

Oh my God, that burns so good.

Oh yes.

Oh yes, again.

You're so f***ing gorgeous.

Brandi, this has just been a magical evening,

an amazing...

I think I gotta say congratulations,

we, we hit to the next level, you know.

We did it together.

- I'm gonna be...

Are you okay?

I kinda need a mint or something

My breath tastes like sh*t.

Brandi.

I accept you.

Oh. Brandi. Oh god, Brandi.

Brandi! Brandi?

Why are you stopping, motherf***er?

- Oh, I'm sorry. Oh, god, I'm sorry.

Okay, Ronnie. Today, I'll be giving you

a psychiatric evaluation ...

to determine if you're competent

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