Off Limits Page #5

to be right, doesn't it?

He'll be in town next Thursday morning,

by the way.

Brass got him talking

in the 5:
00 follies.

We're gonna be on your ass

like stink on sh*t, motherf***er.

Gentlemen, Colonel Dexter Armstrong...

...chief of staff, 13th Infantry Division.

Presently stationed at firebase Conrad

near Can Tho.

Good morning, gentlemen.

I'm here to dispel

some of the gloom and doom...

...running rampant in the press since

the beginning of Charlie's Tet Offensive.

I work down near Can Tho

and I can tell you, personally...

...a lot of what I've been reading

is plain bullshit.

Take a look at the map.

All right, my backyard

starts about here...

...runs here across here

approximately up to here.

And in my backyard, we run the show

both day and night.

Where I was raised, we used to say:

"Never write a check with your mouth

you can't cash with your ass."

So if any of you

don't buy what I just said...

...come on down,

take a look for yourself.

I'm telling you, I could be in love

with this woman.

Where does she come from?

From God.

She a tea girl?

Yeah, I met her at the Memphis Pride.

This woman had

the biggest tits and nipples...

...that I have ever had in my mouth.

You gonna eat that sh*t?

No, I'm gonna f*** it.

There's our boy.

Looks like my man got his ass

a little twinight double header.

Check it out.

Let's get on it.

Francine, come on.

Come on.

Come on.

I'm gonna go up the other end

and work my way back.

Are you frightened, Francine?

No sounds, Francine.

Well, well, well.

Got us a peeping Tom here, Mackey.

You get an eyeful, motherf***er?

McGriff, CID.

- I understand you wanna talk to me.

- Yes, sir.

But first I'd like to know who gave

these men orders to bring us here.

These men are my children.

They'd open you up

and eat your liver if I told them to.

I'm their CO and they love me.

Uncuff them.

Put them in.

Fire it up, son.

Sir, we're conducting

a murder investigation.

Saigon prostitutes. Six of them.

- You're a suspect, sir.

- I know. I'm also busy.

- Lift off.

Okay, sir.

So you think I'm a goddamn murderer.

We're just trying

to conduct an investigation.

Oh, shut the f*** up.

I'm conducting something

of an investigation here myself.

These VC a**holes

have information I need.

I'll interrogate them

as you interrogate me.

Me them, you me. Got that?

- Colonel, I...

Shut the f*** up.

Bring me a gook.

That down here is goddamn Vietnam.

No!

Start asking your questions.

- Sir, don't you think...?

- Start now.

Where were you on the night

of January 28th of this year?

City of Saigon,

Republic of South Vietnam.

Ask him where the supply dump

for the 58th NVA Division's located.

Interrogate me. Don't stop.

What were your exact whereabouts...

...in Saigon at approximately

...on January 28th?

Tell him I'll throw his ass out,

he doesn't talk to me.

I was with my little f***-b*tch

at the Continental Hotel.

We do a sadist trip together

with the little girls.

My little f***-b*tch

gets off better than I do.

Unlatch his hands.

Tell him if he can throw me off

this aircraft, he's a free man. Faster.

Ask your questions faster or I'll have

him throw your ass out of here.

Where were you on the nights

of January 28th...?

What the f***...?

Bring me another gook.

My unit is the most decorated unit

in country.

We have the highest body count

of any unit in Vietnam.

Ask the little f***

where the 58th Division is.

If you two don't start asking me

some pertinent questions...

...I'm gonna goddamn court-martial

your asses right here, right now.

Have you ever murdered any prostitutes

in the city of Saigon?

No, I have never killed a prostitute.

I pinken girls' asses with a riding crop.

That's my little trip.

Only now, you two a**holes

are gonna put it in your report.

My career will be f***ed

for all eternity.

I have never killed a whore.

And I'm gonna prove it to you

beyond a shadow of a doubt.

Ask him the same.

Another f***ing bullshit artist.

Now, that man may have been

a bullshit artist...

...but I admired him.

He didn't whimper.

I don't whimper either.

I walk it like talk it.

Now, if I killed a prostitute,

I will stay in the aircraft.

If I did not, I will jump. You got that?

Sh*t.

Oh, Christ. Put your hands up.

I said, get your f***ing hands up.

You killed the goddamn colonel.

- We didn't kill him. He f***ing jumped.

- We're CID.

The colonel was under investigation

for multiple civilian murders in Saigon.

He committed suicide. Just ask him.

Colonel Armstrong wild-f***

son of a b*tch. He jump out.

- We're going back to the firebase.

- Like sh*t we are. They'll waste us.

Take us to the MPs in Saigon.

Either that or you shoot us here.

It's your call, pal.

Jesus Christ, the goddamn colonel.

The sh*t's gonna hit the fan.

We're gonna have sh*t

all over the f***ing place.

Now you two are in big f***ing trouble.

Why is that?

Keep it down till we get outside, huh?

You sorry a**holes.

Took some doing

but I got you released to my custody...

...because they're all waiting for

General Bower to get back from Guam.

- And the rumors are flying.

- What kind of rumors?

How you forced the colonel

to take a plane ride...

...so you could grill his ass

till he killed himself.

Right. Meantime...

...the crazy motherf***er's

body-bombing VCs and killing whores.

- The man was guilty.

- All right. The game plan is this:

We go over to the office,

I get your depositions.

We'll get you to your billets, get your

sh*t, get on the plane out of here.

What do you mean, "out of here"?

Your traveling papers, girls.

Just came through.

You report to Fort Ord, California,

Monday, 0800 hours.

What?

Somebody f***ed up. They're rotating

you a couple of weeks early.

What, you looking a gift horse

in the ass?

Shouldn't we be here to defend ourselves

when they start the investigation?

That's what the deposition is for.

It turns out Armstrong

is like young Jesus around here...

...and the brass is mightily pissed.

In a couple days, they'll get used to it.

Until then, they're looking for blood.

They don't care whose.

You're leaving. Orders is orders.

Well, it's a duffle-bag drag.

When I was looking

through Armstrong's Form 20...

...I noticed he was a young lieutenant

back in Korea.

We had the same thing

going on over there.

Hookers being killed?

Yeah, same m.o.

Went unsolved back then.

Wouldn't surprise me

if it was the same guy.

- Ready?

- Yeah.

Look...

...I'd have got you something better,

but it all happened pretty quick.

- I'll open mine right now.

Go ahead.

Lord have mercy.

Hey, look, don't bite any stews' rumps

on the way home.

I got you on a commercial flight.

Thanks, Dix.

Not for this.

- It was a good tour.

Yeah, our paths will cross again.

I only got six months left

in this shithole myself.

Maybe I'll put in for Ord, huh?

Take the next right up here.

What you wanna do?

Give her a kiss goodbye?

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