Office Space Page #5

PETER:

Ah, no way. I feel great.

[Scene The interview room.]

BOB PORTER:

The next paper looks like a Peter Gibbons.

Peter enters.

BOB SLYDELL:

Aha! All right. We were just talking about you. You must be Peter

Gibbons. Uh huh. Terrific. I'm Bob Slydell and this is my associate,

Bob Porter.

PETER:

Hi, Bob. Bob.

BOB PORTER:

Why don't you grab a seat and join us for a minute?

He does so.

BOB SLYDELL:

Y'see, what we're trying to do here, we're just trying to get a feel

for how people spend their day. So, if you would, would you just walk

us through a typical day for you?

PETER:

Yeah.

BOB SLYDELL:

Great.

PETER:

Well, I generally come in at least fifteen minutes late. I use the side

door, that way Lumbergh can't see me. Uh, and after that, I just sorta

space out for about an hour.

BOB PORTER:

Space out?

PETER:

Yeah. I just stare at my desk but it looks like I'm working. I do that

for probably another hour after lunch too. I'd probably, say, in a

given week, I probably do about fifteen minutes of real, actual work.

BOB SLYDELL:

Uh, Peter, would you be a good sport and indulge us and tell us a

little more?

PETER:

Let me tell you something about TPS reports...'

Cut to later. Peter is more relaxed.

PETER:

The thing is, Bob, it's not that I'm lazy. It's just that I just don't

care.

BOB PORTER:

Don't, don't care?

PETER:

It's a problem of motivation, all right? Now, if I work my ass off and

Initech ships a few extra units, I don't see another dime. So where's

the motivation? And here's another thing, Bob. I have eight different

bosses right now!

BOB SLYDELL:

I beg your pardon?

PETER:

Eight bosses.

BOB SLYDELL:

Eight?

PETER:

Eight, bob. So that means when I make a mistake, I have eight different

people coming by to tell me about it. That's my real motivation - is

not to be hassled. That and the fear of losing my job, but y'know, Bob,

it will only make someone work hard enough not to get fired.

BOB SLYDELL:

Bear with me for a minute.

PETER:

Ok.

BOB SLYDELL:

Believe me, this is hypocritical. But what if you were offered some

kind of stock option and equity sharing program?

PETER:

I don't know. I guess. Listen, I'm gonna go. It's been really nice

talking to be of you guys.

He shakes their hands.

BOB SLYDELL:

Absolutely. It's all on this side of the table, trust me.

PETER:

Good luck with your layoffs. I hope your firings go really well.

BOB SLYDELL:

Wow.

Cut to the cubicle's. Peter walks past them and into the hall.

BILL:

Hey, Peter, what's happening? Listen, uh -

Peter walks right past him.

[Scene Chotchkie's]

STAN:

Joanna? Would you come here for a moment, please?

JOANNA:

I'm sorry. I was late. I was having lunch.

STAN:

I need to talk about your flair.

JOANNA:

Really? I have 15 buttons on. I, uh, (shows him

STAN:

Well, ok, 15 is minimum, ok?

JOANNA:

Ok.

STAN:

Now, it's up to you whether or not you want to just do the bare

minimum. Well, like Brian, for example, has 37 pieces of flair. And a

terrific smile.

JOANNA:

Ok. Ok, you want me to wear more?

STAN:

Look. Joanna.

JOANNA:

Yeah.

STAN:

People can get a cheeseburger anywhere, ok? They come to Chotchkie's

for the atmosphere and the attitude. That's what the flair's about.

It's about fun.

JOANNA:

Ok. So, more then?

STAN:

Look, we want you to express yourself, ok? If you think the bare

minimum is enough, then ok. But some people choose to wear more and we

encourage that, ok? You do want to express yourself, don't you?

JOANNA:

Yeah. Yeah.

STAN:

Great. Great. That's all I ask.

JOANNA:

Ok.

[Scene Conference room. Dom and Bill are talking to the two Bob's.]

BOB SLYDELL:

Right. So there's three more people we can easily lose. There's Tom

Smykowski.

BILL:

He's useless.

BOB SLYDELL:

Gone.

DOM:

Sounds good to me.

BOB SLYDELL:

Here's a peculiar one. Milton Waddams.

DOM:

Who's he?

BOB:

You know, squirrely looking guy, mumbles a lot.

DOM:

Oh.

BOB SLYDELL:

We can't find a record of him being a current employee here.

BOB PORTER:

I looked into it more deeply and I found what happened was he got layed

off about five years ago and no one ever told him about it. But through

a glitch in Payroll, he still gets a paycheck. I went ahead and fixed

the glitch.

BILL:

Great.

DOM:

So, um, Milton has been let go.

BOB SLYDELL:

Just a second there, Professor. We, uh, we fixed the glitch. So he

won't be receiving a paycheck anymore. So it'll just work itself out

naturally.

BOB PORTER:

We always like to avoid confrontation whenever possible. The problem is

solved from here on, then.

They laugh.

BOB SLYDELL:

Uh, we should move on to a Peter Gibbons. I had a chance to meet this

young man and boy does he have Straight to Upper Management written all

over him.

BILL:

Ooh, uh, yeah. I'm going to have to go ahead and sort of disagree with

you there. Yeah. Uh, he's been real flaky lately and I'm not sure that

he's the caliber person you want for upper management. He's been having

some problems with his TPS reports.

BOB PORTER:

I'll handle this. We feel that the problem isn't with Peter.

BOB SLYDELL:

Um-um.

BOB PORTER:

It's that you haven't challenged him enough to get him really

motivated.

BOB SLYDELL:

There it is.

BILL:

Yeah, I'm not sure about that now.

BOB PORTER:

All right, Bill. Let me ask you this. How much time each week would you

say you deal with these TPS reports?

BILL:

Yeah...

[Scene Peter parks in Bill's usual spot and goes into the building. He

takes a drill and removes the metal door handle.]

Cut to outside, where Bill has to park in the handicap spot.

Cut back inside. Peter tears down the banner.

Cut to outside. Bill's Porsche is being towed away. They only manage to

pull off the bumper.

Cut to Peter and Joanna watching Kung Fu. They're about to kiss.

LAWRENCE:

Hey Peter man! Check out channel nine! It's a breast exam! Whoo!!

Cut to Peter's cubicle. Bill checks his watch because Peter's still not

there.

Cut to a lake. Lawrence, Peter and Joanna are fishing. Peter holds up a

big fish.

Cut to Initech. Peter enters with an Igloo cooler.

DOM:

Hello, Peter.

PETER:

Hey Dom!

He slaps him on the back.

Cut to Peter's cubicle. He puts the fish on his desk and starts to gut

it. He throws its entrails on a stack of TPS reports.

Cut to Peter and Joanna watching Kung Fu.

Cut to Peter removing the screws in the cubicle wall. He pushes it

over. It reveals a window and Peter relaxes.

[Scene Peter's cubicle, now with only one wall. he's playing Tetris as

Bill walks up.]

BILL:

So, Peter, what's happening? Now are you going to go ahead and have

those TPS reports for us this afternoon? (Peter keeps playing) Uh,

yeah. So I guess we should probably go ahead and have a little talk,

hmm?

PETER:

Not right now, Lumbergh. I'm, I'm kinda busy. In fact, I'm going to

have to ask you to go ahead and just come back another time. I have a

meeting with the Bobs in a couple of minutes.

BILL:

Uh, I wasn't aware of a meeting with them.

PETER:

Yeah, they called me at home.

BILL:

That sounds good, Peter. Uh, and we'll go ahead and, uh, get this all

fixed up for you later.

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