Oh, God! Book II Page #2

ME? I'M THE WORLD'S

WORST WRITER,

AND MY SPELLING:

IS THE PITS.

I DON'T TAKE OFF

FOR SPELLING.

SEE, IF IT COMES

FROM YOU,

IT'LL BE SOMETHING

THAT YOUR FRIENDS

CAN UNDERSTAND.

THAT WAY, I'LL HAVE

THE CHILDREN:

ON MY SIDE.

AND WHEN THEY:

GROW UP, I'LL HAVE

THEIR CHILDREN.

ONCE YOU'VE GO THE CHILDREN,

THAT'S

THE BALL GAME.

THEN I'LL BE ABLE

TO TAKE CARE:

OF A FEW THINGS--

LIKE ALL THA POLLUTION.

AND HAVE YOU NOTICED

YOU'RE RUNNING OU OF EAGLES?

AND THERE ARE:

A FEW VOLCANOES THA NEED COOLING OFF.

WHAT DO YOU SAY,

TRACY?

WILL YOU COME UP

WITH A SLOGAN?

OK. I'LL SURE TRY.

GOOD.

I CAN'T BELIEVE

THIS IS HAPPENING TO ME.

NOBODY ELSE WILL,

EITHER.

YOU'RE THE ONLY ONE

WHO CAN SEE:

OR HEAR ME.

TELL THEM ABOU OUR VISITS, THEY'LL

THINK YOU'RE, UM...

BONKERS?

DEFINITELY.

THEY GAVE SOME:

OF MY BEST PEOPLE

A PRETTY BAD TIME.

HERE COMES:

YOUR FATHER.

HERE YOU GO.

SORRY I TOOK SO LONG.

OK. READY

FOR YOUR MOVIE?

YEP.

THREE LASER FIGHTS,

A COLLISION OF PLANETS?

YOU DON'T EVEN WATCH.

HALFWAY:

THROUGH THE MOVIE,

YOU WANT TO GO HOME.

YOU OK?

SORRY, DADDY.

YOU DON' HAVE TO BE SORRY.

DADDY?

HMM?

LET'S SAY YOU HAVE

A BIG NEW CLIEN AND YOU NEED

A REAL SUPER SLOGAN.

WHERE DO YOU START?

WELL, UH...

FIRST YOU EXAMINE

THE PRODUCT.

YOU TRY TO PICK OU THE SINGLE MOS IMPORTANT THING

ABOUT IT--

THE THING THAT'LL

MAKE IT SELL--

LIKE, UM...WELL,

TAKE POTATO CHIPS,

FOR EXAMPLE.

NO. SOMETHING BIGGER.

MORE IMPORTANT.

IT DOESN' REALLY MATTER.

A PRODUCT'S

A PRODUCT.

THE PRINCIPLE:

IS THE SAME.

WELL, LET'S SAY YOU'RE

SELLING A PERSON...

OK.

A VERY IMPORTANT PERSON,

LIKE, UH...

WELL, LET'S SAY...

GOD.

GOD.

I DON'T THINK I'D

HANDLE THAT ACCOUNT.

ONE MISTAKE AND:

YOU'RE IN TROUBLE

THERE.

DON'T TRY AND GE OUT OF IT, DADDY.

HOW WOULD YOU:

SELL GOD?

OK. GOD.

GOD. WELL...

FIRST I'D, UH,

MAKE A LIST OF:

HIS GOOD QUALITIES--

YOU KNOW, HIS MOS SALABLE FEATURES--

THEN I'D COME UP

WITH A NICE:

LOW-KEY SLOGAN.

THEN I'D MEET HIM

FOR LUNCH AND:

PITCH IT TO HIM.

AND THEN?

IF HE LIKES IT,

I'LL PICK UP THE TAB.

IF NOT, I'LL LET HIM

PICK IT UP.

WHAT'S ALL THIS STUFF

ABOUT GOD?

SOME SCHOOL PROJECT,

OR--

SORT OF.

IT'S AN ASSIGNMEN I JUST GOT.

OH, I SEE.

BEFORE I DROP:

YOU OFF,

I WANT TO PICK UP

JOAN.

THAT OK?

OK.

THERE SHE IS.

[HONK HONK]

YEP, THERE THEY ARE.

WOULD YOU STOP:

TALKING ABOUT HER--

BIG B*OBS?

OH, COME ON.

YOU LIKE KNOCKERS

BETTER?

COULD WE:

JUST DROP THEM--

UH, DROP IT?

HI. HOW ARE YOU?

MMM. YOU TELL ME.

MMM.

HI, STACY.

TRACY.

OH, UH, OF COURSE.

UH, OH, WHAT'S THAT?

IT'S A PRESEN MY DAD GOT ME.

OPEN IT.

UM...I--

AAH!

CUTE. THANK YOU.

HI, MOM.

HI. HOW WAS THE MOVIE?

DUMB.

AW.

HOW WAS:

THE EGG ROLL?

GOOD.

AND HIS GIRLFRIEND?

BIG.

HMM.

CALLED ME STACY AGAIN.

OH. WELL, YOUR FATHER'S

NOT EXACTLY INTERESTED

IN HER BRAIN.

MOM?

HUH?

SOMETHING'S

ON MY MIND--

HOW CAN HE THINK

SHE'S ONLY 28?

THAT MAN:

IS SO GULLIBLE.

MOM, I'D LIKE

TO ASK YOU A QUES--

DID HE MENTION WHERE

HE WAS TAKING HER?

WHAT WAS SHE WEARING?

MOM, SHE'S YUCKY.

SHE'S WAY OVER 28,

AND YOU'RE

10 TIMES PRETTIER.

OH...YOU...

ARE A BRILLIANT CHILD.

MOM?

WE KNOW THAT GOD HAS

A LOT OF WONDERFUL

QUALITIES,

BUT WHAT WOULD YOU SAY

ARE SOME OF HIS:

STRONGEST POINTS?

TRACY, WHAT ARE YOU

TALKING ABOUT?

GOD.

[HORN HONKS]

WE'LL TALK LATER.

THAT'S THE GELMANS.

I'M SHOWING THEM

A HOUSE,

AND THEY'RE TAKING

ME OUT TO DINNER.

GO TO BED WHEN ROSA SAYS.

NO TROUBLE, OK?

CAN I STAY UP:

A LITTLE LATE?

NO SCHOOL TOMORROW.

ALL RIGHT.

DON'T WATCH

ANY HORROR FILMS, OK?

AAH!

HIDE!

HE'LL SEE YOU!

OH!

ELSA!

ROSA, YOU'RE MISSING

THE BEST PART.

I LIKE IT BETTER

THIS WAY.

ROSA...DO YOU

BELIEVE IN GOD?

OF COURSE I DO.

EVER SEE HIM?

NO, BUT I TALK

TO HIM.

YOU TALK TO GOD?

ALL THE TIME.

DID YOU TALK:

TO HIM TODAY?

YOU DID?

THIS MORNING:

WHEN I PRAY.

AND DID GOD:

TALK TO YOU?

NO, HE NEVER

TALKS TO ME.

MAYBE HE DOESN' UNDERSTAND SPANISH

SO GOOD.

ROSA...

YES?

WHAT WOULD YOU SAY

IF I TOLD YOU...

THAT I SAW GOD TODAY

AND WE TALKED:

TO EACH OTHER?

YOU BETTER GO TO BED.

YOU'RE GETTING LOCA

FROM THESE CRAZY MOVIES.

YOU SAW GOD:

IN YOUR DAD'S CAR?

THAT'S RIGHT.

YOU TALKED TO HIM

IN A RESTAURANT?

RIGHT.

DID YOU GE HIS AUTOGRAPH?

YOU'RE PUTTING ME ON.

NO, YOU'RE

PUTTING ME ON.

SHINGO,

I REALLY SAW GOD.

OK, OK.

WHAT DID GOD SAY?

HE SAID IF HE:

COULD GET KIDS:

TO SPREAD HIS MESSAGE,

THEN HE COULD:

DO OTHER THINGS,

LIKE COOL OFF A VOLCANO

AND STUFF.

YOU TWO HAD SOME

RAP SESSION.

HE WANTED ME TO COME UP

WITH A SLOGAN.

SLOGAN?

LIKE THEY HAVE:

IN TV COMMERCIALS.

OH. WHAT ELSE

DID HE SAY?

HE SAID SPELLING

DIDN'T COUNT.

I DON'T BELIEVE A WORD

OF WHAT YOU'RE SAYING.

SPELLING ALWAYS COUNTS.

WHY DO I WASTE TIME

TALKING TO YOU?

MAYBE SHE DID SEE GOD.

HAROLD.

CAN YOU:

GIVE ME A SE CONTAINING

FIVE PRIME NUMBERS?

2, 3, 5, 7, AND 11.

THAT'S VERY GOOD,

HAROLD.

MISS HUDSON.

MISS HUDSON.

LISA.

WHEW.

CAN YOU TELL ME:

THE PROPERTIES:

OF A SET?

IT'S A SERIES

OF WHOLE NUMBERS.

THAT'S RIGHT.

THANK YOU.

MISS HUDSON.

MISS HUDSON.

MISS HUDSON.

I KNOW. MISS--

TRACY.

AWW.

CAN YOU TELL ME:

THE PROPERTIES:

OF A SUBSET?

I'D LIKE TO SEE YOU

AFTER CLASS IS OVER.

YOU'VE BEEN VERY

INATTENTIVE IN CLASS,

AND YOU HAVEN' TURNED IN YOUR

HOMEWORK ALL WEEK.

I'M SORRY,

MISS HUDSON.

IS THERE ANYTHING

THE MATTER AT HOME,

SOMETHING I SHOULD KNOW?

YOU SURE?

WELL, WHAT HAVE

YOU BEEN DOING:

WITH YOUR TIME?

I JUST CAN' EXPLAIN IT.

I'M SENDING A NOTE HOME

TO YOUR PARENTS.

MAYBE YOU CAN:

EXPLAIN IT TO THEM.

GIRLS, I BOUGHT A LO OF UNDERWEAR FOR MY MEN,

AND EVERY YEAR I PICK

FRUIT OF THE LOOM.

SURPRISE, EMMA!

HIYA, CUTIES.

EVERY MAN OUGHT TO BUY

FRUIT OF THE LOOM BRIEFS.

SO I CARRY:

THE AMERICAN:

EXPRESS CARD.

I ORDERED STEAK.

I DON'T WANT A MOVIE.

BUT I WANTED STEAK.

I DON'T THINK HE

WANTS THE MOVIE.

AT PSA WE NEVER:

LOST SIGHT OF WHA AN AIRLINE SHOULD BE.

SO, AT PSA, WE GIVE

YOU MORE PLANES:

AND LESS FANCIES.

WE GIVE YOU LOW FARES,

NOT FANFARES.

YOU STILL WATCHING

TELEVISION?

YEAH.

IT'S FRIDAY NIGHT.

YOU SHOULD:

BE IN BED.

IT'S ALMOST 11:
30.

I WANT TO SEE:

THE JOHNNY CARSON SHOW.

ALL RIGHT. WOULD YOU

LIKE SOME COCOA?

YEAH, GREAT.

BUT AFTER COCOA,

YOU GO TO BED, EH?

[THE TONIGHT SHOW

THEME PLAYS]

FROM HOLLYWOOD...

THE TONIGHT SHOW,

STARRING JOHNNY CARSON.

THIS IS ED McMAHON

ALONG WITH TOMMY NEWSOME

INVITING YOU TO JOIN

JOHNNY AND HIS GUESTS--

BOB HOPE,

ANGIE DICKINSON,

MELISSA MANCHESTER,

AND OLYMPICS EXPER BUD GREENSPAN.

AND NOW,

LADIES AND GENTLEMEN,

HERE'S...

JOHNNY!

[AUDIENCE APPLAUDS]

GOD? ON THE JOHNNY

CARSON SHOW?

WHY NOT?

HE GETS EVERYBODY ELSE

TO REPLACE HIM.

I CAN' BELIEVE IT.

DON'T WORRY, TRACY.

ONLY YOU CAN SEE ME.

EVERYBODY ELSE:

IS WATCHING JOHNNY CARSON.

WOW. YOU REALLY

GET AROUND.

WHEN YOU GO A TERRITORY

AS BIG AS MINE,

YOU CAN'T DOG IT.

WELL, HAVE YOU

GOT A SLOGAN FOR ME?

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