Oh Heavenly Dog Page #4

You do a lot of research.

I try.

If I consent to this interview,

I want my lawyers to have access

to that research.

Notes, tapes, photographs.

Anything that pertains to the case.

Why wasrt I told this before

I went to the trouble to come here?

Because I wanted you

to hear the reason why from me.

Well, that much

you've accomplished.

I'm listening.

I didn't kill Patricia Elliot.

I want both to clear myself of that charge

and to have the guilty party found.

Your research might inadvertently

turn up something that would help.

It's as simple as that.

Your fingerprints were found

on the murder weapon.

It was a kitchen knife.

I did most of the cooking.

Then you... Then you

were living with her?

I spent a great deal

of time there.

How did you meet her?

The condition, Miss Howard.

I agree.

Good. I have only

one more question.

Is he always so attentive

to conversations?

[Jackie] But you were to be

the next prime minister.

[Quimby] It was possible.

If the old man stepped down...

and if the party

remained in power.

The way things are,

both are big "ifs."

[Jackie]

Especially, uh, if you're convicted.

As I said, Miss Howard,

I did most of the cooking.

I did none of the killing.

Well, so far my research

can be summarized as follows.

I am told that Quimby-Charles

is innocent of killing Patricia Elliot...

who wasrt having an affair

with a private detective,

who didn't even know her.

Well, if that's all true,

then I don't have a story.

If I don't have a story,

then I have no book.

And if I have no book,

then it's back to Time magazine.

I just want the little person

inside this machine to know

that that really pisses me off.

That was a really shitty thing

to say, wasrt it?

Yeah.

But, uh, on the money.

[Grunts]

Check the oil?

All right. The phone number

on the calendar.

Interesting how great minds

work together.

Excuse me. Excuse me.

Hey!

What are you closing the window for?

It's not raining.

- I'm afraid you'll just have

to sit this one out, kid.

- What?

Hey, wait a minute.

I'm an art lover.

Mr. Edgeware? I'm Jacqueline Howard.

I spoke to you on the phone.

- Oh, yes. About Miss Elliot.

- Yes.

- Would you like some champagne?

- Mmm.

She always attended our showings.

Oh, look at that.

[Continues Indistinctly]

And this one on your left. Montanero

was one of her favorites, you know.

In fact, it was she

who gave him his start...

when she bought his matched pair

Adam and Eve.

I'll see you later. Hello.

Thank you for coming. Oh, here we are.

- Would you like to meet him?

- Yes, I would indeed.

Jeffrey!

Are you avoiding me?

Lady Chalmers, there you are.

[Chuckles]

I want you to meet Miss Howard.

She's writing a novel about

the Patricia Elliot tragedy.

Patricia was redecorating

Lady C.'s flat, uh, when...

Yes. She was right

in the middle of my vestibule.

I don't know what to do.

I'm bereft.

I'm sorry.

Well, I'll go and see if I can find

our artist while you ladies chat.

[Sighs]

Doesrt he use dreadful cologne?

Still, he never fails to

draw a glittering crowd.

Oh! Look!

The Octavia sisters.

Do you know about the Octavia sisters?

Of course you do.

Everybody knows

the Octavia sisters.

There's Pamela Natwick!

She came with two men.

- Do you happen to know Quimby-Charles?

- Darling.

- I know everyone.

- [Sneezing]

What was that?

[Sneezing]

Oh.! A dog.!

[Chuckles]

That makes two of us.

Now, you embarrass me

one more time...

and you're going to find your cute,

fluffy little tail...

Iocked up in the nearest

animal shelter.

Got it?

Sure you have.

Jesus.

I don't like being cute.

I don't like being fluffy.

And I want some friggir hands.

Anyway, I could count on selling

at least one of my pieces every

time she did someone's flat.

And then, quite suddenly,

she just dropped out of sight.

But, uh...

why don't we discuss it

over cocktails?

Please continue.

I really should get back

to my mingling.

That's what I'm supposed to do

at these things. You know, mingle.

What do you mean,

she just dropped out of sight?

I'm sorry. I really must,

uh, pull myself away.

Shall we say late,

candlelit snack...

my place?

No. Let's say an early,

floodlit dinner at mine.

7:
00?

Isn't he wonderful?

I'd just love to get

into his knickers.

Not so, of course,

with Lord Heathwit.

Still, he wants to meet you,

so it can't do any harm.

He's 27 th in line for the crown,

you know. Darling man.

Blows bubbles when he talks,

poor dear. Oh! Look!

Alistair Becket. He's going to be

the next prime minister, you know...

thanks to Quimby's

little indiscretion.

They're all so boring. It'll be so nice

to have someone who's good looking.

Now come along.

- Alistair! Good to see you again.

- Uh, yes.

Uh, Lady Chalmers.

We were introduced by Lady Alcott.

- Oh, of course.

- I believe you met her in Switzerland.

She said she found you

schussing down a slope.

That is the right word, isn't it,

"schussing"? Sounds so naughty.

Excuse me.

How do you do?

I'm Alistair Becket.

I know.

Oh, I do apologize.

This is Jacqueline Howard.

She's writing a book about Patricia

and Quimby and that detective.

Oh.

What kind of book?

But you don't have to understand it.

You just have to feel it.

I do feel it.

That's why we're leaving.

[Woman] I love it. I absolutely

love Montanero. I mean, really.

[Woman #2,

Speaking Indistinctly]

[Browning]

Swell.

[Woman]

I just can't put my finger on it.

[Man, Indistinct]

[Man] I mean, what is he...

I just don't understand.

Oh, yes. Mm-hmm.

Don't mind if I do.

I actually met her

at one of these showings.

She was, uh...

What the hell you looking at?

You've never seen me in this suit.

[Jackie]

B.J., come here.

- Is that your dog?

- On occasion.

Anyway, you were saying that you met

Patricia Elliot at one of these showings.

How long ago was that?

I'm terribly sorry.

I really must go.

Perhaps we can continue this

some other time.

Uh... Hey,

let go of me!

I've got to follow him. What's his name?

Who is that? Let go of my neck.

Hey, come on.!

Damn it.!

You're becoming more trouble

than you're won'th.

Now, when I tell you to stay somewhere,

you're either going to stay...

or we're going to have to

make some other arrangements.

Do you understand? Do you? Oh!

[Gasps]

[Barks]

What does it take to get thrown out

of this place? [Barks]

[No Audible Dialogue]

[Gasps]

Oh, my God! Look!

[Browning]

Oh, sh*t.!

[Horn Honks]

Big, but dumb.

[Meows]

If I didn't know any better,

I'd think you were following me.

- What, me? A dog?

- Come here.

Following you? [Chuckles] Sorry.

I gotta be running along now.

[Yelps]

L-I'll see you later. Hey, let go!

Either this son of a b*tch

is crazy, or he knows something.

Ooh, let go. You're strangling me.

I have the strangest feeling...

this could be

the end of the line, ooh, again.

- Hello.

- Dear sir, you let him go!

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