Oldboys

Spread out! | You're not statues!

You're out, Vagn!

Go! Haul ass.

Move it, guys! No clusters!

Come on! | - Spread out, guys!

Way to go, Jorgen!

Well done! Damn, you're good.

Cut it out!

Stop it, guys. | Hit the showers.

That's it for today. | Hit the showers!

Balls, over here.

Alright, alright!

Hands off, Svend-Erik.

Still whining about that?

Guys? Hello!

Your attention, please.

There's a minor change.

We meet at 7 a. M. | At the Center Pub.

It's an 11 hour drive, | and we want to be on time. 07.00.

Someone didn't pay for beer. | - We play against the police...

Pigs! | - It's a strong team. Hello!

No partying. Hit the sack early. | - What about sleeping bags?

Honestly! Read the call sheets | or get your wives to do it!

What about passports? | - Not to Sweden. Hell no!

I'm not bringing mine.

Sleeping bags and passports. | - Except me. Skaane is Danish.

Gaevle is not in Skaane. | - I don't give a sh*t.

Jorgen, good job today. | Let's hear it for Jorgen.

See you... Bye.

Bye, Vagn.

Hello? This is Vagn Bendtsen.

Your call was on my display, so...

No, I didn't recognize the number.

Then I wondered... Hallo?

OSWALD BENDTSEN | Our beloved husband and father.

Hi, Willy. So the bus is off.

We'll beat them, right?

I'll just grab a seat then.

Hi, Willy. | - Hello, Willy.

My condolences. | I'm so sorry that Aase passed on.

Mornin'.

You owe me 500. | - Did you eat breakfast?

Not a drop.

Wow, new shoes. | - Yep.

Did you give them balsam? | - What? No.

Make them wet and wear them in. | Otherwise they'll chafe your feet.

I'm off to Crete this Saturday!

A whole week. | The missus will be thrilled.

Your attention, please!

Hello... Hello...

I have some sad news.

Aase, Willy's life-long partner | passed away after being ill.

She stank like hell. | - She drooled more than she pissed.

She died at sixteen.

Converted to human years | it's quite a...

Wow, that's a lot of years. It's about...

You can't figure it out like that. | It depends on the dog's size.

Erling, please. | - Small dogs live longer.

What about a Cocker Spaniel?

It's true. Seven dog years is bull. | - She was old, alright?

And great training yesterday.

Center field is | really coming together.

Let's give ourselves a hand.

A thousand mile journey | begins with one single Sep.

...step.

What the hell's wrong with you! | F*** you.

A stout and a slice of layer cake? | That's fifty, even.

There's a discount | on a bigger map of Sweden.

I'm fine, thanks. | - I dreamt about p*ssy all night.

Here you go.

Salt and pepper is on the table.

They caught him red-handed.

I'm sorry, but I have to... | Not that I think you stole anything.

If you could just...

Not that I think you... | Go through again.

It's that one. It can't...

Wasn't that your mom?

Let me find a towel. | - No, that's alright.

She's totally into you, man.

No, the alarm just went off.

She was pawing you all over.

She is horny as hell. | Check her out.

It's always exiting | to visit another country.

Though our languages are so similar.

It's must be those damn | beef paddies on white -

...or that Danish that made me queasy.

They found all kinds of sh*t in it.

Our hotel room is | near the main road.

But the missus and I are up way | before the morning traffic starts.

Bakers are pigs. I've heard stories | about them crapping in the dough.

We have to pull over for gas, Willy.

What the...

Piece of sh*t!

Fork over everything from the register!

Now, damn it!

Hello there!

Hey...

Where's the beer?

Hey, you... | Do you have beer? Bear?

Do you have beer? | - Look! Danish lager.

Excellent... No, 3.5%.

Do you have real beer? | Strong beer?

Danish? We're Danish.

Damn hustler!

Excuse me? Did you see a bus? | - It drove off.

Did it drive off?

They'll be back soon. | - Are you Danish?

Then why did you speak Swedish?

You started! | - No, no, I'm Danish.

Give them a call. | - I can't remember their numbers.

It's closing time, so...

It's only 9.30 in the morning. | - Yeah, but...

It's a... A night station.

We are closing now.

Bye then.

Hey, you!

I have to get to that bus.

We have a soccer game tomorrow. | - Sorry, I'm busy.

My money and things are on that bus. | They can't make it without me.

I'll pay you. | - Get in.

Shut up and get in! | - 300 Swedish.

What the f***! | We bought exactly the same.

You even got a f***ing magazine.

We bought the same. Six rum cakes, | two packs of smokes -

...six Swedish beers | that taste like piss. 462 kroner.

We've been f***ed in the ass.

I'm sick of those damn foreigners. | - Do me a favor, Erling.

Shut the f*** up! | - But we bought the same sh*t.

We are abroad. We have to adapt. | Got it?

That's beside the point. | - Zip it!

This is really nice of you.

We have a game up in Gaevle.

We have this annual soccer roadtrip.

It's usually a blast... | - I have to park the car.

It's a loaner. My car is nearby.

Are you dropping me off? | You promised to take me to the bus.

Relax! I'll take you to your bus. | - Hang on! I'm changing shoes.

Stay put! I'll be back for you. | - Why can't I come?

Adios, you old fart.

All set?

Hey! Stop that.

Rise and shine!

Here... | You need a sugar kick.

You banged your head real bad.

What time is it? | - We better hurry to catch the bus.

Where are we? | - In Sweden. You hit your head.

And your buddies forgot you. | - They didn't forget.

Can I borrow your phone? I'll pay you.

Make it short.

It's the answering machine.

Hi, mom. I need a number in a hurry. | I'll call you back. Take care.

You sure you didn't pass the bus? | I need to pee. Can you pull over?

Piss in this.

You want me to pee in a bottle? | - You have to piss, don't you?

Not in that. | - When you gotta go, you gotta go.

I don't really feel like it.

It's a first, but... what the heck.

No, they're my best buddies. | We've played soccer forever.

Terrific buddies. | - My name i Vagn Bendtsen.

John Lun... Wayne. | - John Wayne?

Strom. | - John Waynestrom.

I'm just plain Bendtsen. | No relation.

To who? | - The politician.

Not as far as I know.

Perhaps the relatives in the sticks.

There's your bus. | - Yes, yes!

I'll just get you the money. | - Forget it.

Thanks for the ride. | - Take that bottle with you.

Bye-bye.

And good luck!

Olaf Palme stubbornly insisted | that the island was Swedish.

Sorry about the stench.

One of the kids | must have pissed himself.

My dad was the head | of the weather station.

But he's retired now.

I forgot my soccer shoes.

What? | - I forgot my soccer shoes.

Last year we played against | the fish factory in Esbjerg.

We were ahead 2-0 | but lost by 3-2-

...because we got | quite drunk the night before.

Then a year and a half ago | we got our new coach, Henrik B.

You think | I could borrow your phone?

I'll pay you.

If you would kindly drop me off here.

Check this out. It's genius.

I bought it on the ferry. | There's a light here...

...and a bottle opener | at the other end.

It's actually a simple construction.

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