On the Avenue

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- What are you studying?

- Psychology.

- And you, dear?

- Philosophy.

Well, don't take it too seriously,

- because I know a professor of great renown.

- Yes?

# And he is the loneliest man in town

Really?

# He's as smart as a man can be

# But he never has company

# Why is he the loneliest man in town?

Huh?

- # He ain't got rhythm

- Oh.

# Every night he sits in the house alone

- # Cos he ain't got rhythm

- Too bad.

# Every night he sits there and wears a frown

# He attracted some attention

# When he found the fourth dimension

# But he ain't got rhythm

so no one's with him

# The loneliest man in town

# A lonely man is he

- # Bending over his books

- He would.

# His wife and family

# Keep giving him dirty looks

# Cos he ain't got rhythm

# When they call him up,

it's to call him down

# In the month of January

# He compiles his dictionary

# But he ain't got rhythm

so no one's with him

# The loneliest man in town

# He's lonely, he's lonesome

and he's all by his own-some

# The loneliest man in town

# I know every planet up in the sky

# I've measured them all with my naked eye

# And I've seen everything up in Mars

# I know all about falling stars

# But still I'm a very unhappy guy

# I wonder why

# You ain't got rhythm

# I can read the tea leaves in my cup

# But you ain't got rhythm

# And I just found out how high is up

# But you ain't got rhythm

# I discovered once while sober

# Where the flies go in October

# For what I found out about the fly

# I got the Nobel prize

# But you can't do the Charleston

# And you don't know

how to do the Black Bottom, the new rhythm

# Heaven, I see heaven

# Through my telescope while gazing

from Mount Wilson's highest peak

# I'll explain it all in Latin or in Greek

# But you're not so hot

while dancing cheek to cheek

# I've mastered relativity

# But when they ask it's liberty

- # They never think of asking me

- # Don't you wonder why?

# Cos you don't know how to do the rumba

# That's the reason you're a lonely guy

# Ah, love

# Venus is lovely tonight

# And so is Jupiter

# Jupiter's skipping from planet to planet

# Jumping Jupiter

# But you couldn't be stupider,

cos you ain't got rhythm

# Why, I discovered liquid air

- # But you ain't got rhythm

- # And I've a cure for falling hair

- # But you can't get hot

- What?

- # No, you can't get hot

- What?

# I'm a scientist to my fingertips

# But you can't do nothing with your hips

# That's the thing we miss

- You mean this?

- Yes!

# He's got it, he's got it,

he's got it, he's got it

# The man's got rhythm

These first nights bore me.

Hello. Yes, Commodore.

Your father calling, Miss Mimi.

Yes, Father.

H- h-hello, Mimi?

Your explorer friend is late for dinner.

Where is he?

He's at the Flatbush Women's Club

lecturing on love life among the Eskimos.

Daddy dear,

I need a little pin money to go shopping.

Could you let me have about 50 or 60,000?

What did you do with the 73,000

I gave you last week?

- Oh, Daddy, if you're going to be like that.

- Shh!

Mr Sims, the famous Arctic explorer.

- Frederick, that's you.

- Me?

- Greetings, Commodore.

- Hello, commie.

Well, tell me, is everybody happy?

Where's Freda? Freda!

Two years in the Arctic and they

make me an object of ridicule!

Besides, seals never followed me.

Commodore, I want you to meet

Dr Cotzopole, who discovered the tadpole.

In this corner at 125, I want you to meet

Dr Matzopole, who discovered the maypole.

- Hi, Commodore. Hi. I'm fine.

- Wait a minute.

Gentlemen, may I present my daughter Mimi?

I have been thinking, and I have decided to

finance your next expedition to the Arctic.

- Well, that's fine. I'll go to the South Pole.

- Oh. But, darling,

the South Pole has been discovered.

Been discovered?

Well, well, then I'll rediscover it.

What will you give me

if I name a mountain after you in the north?

- One million dollars.

- Take nothing less than 100,000.

- Or be gypped, eh?

- And... and my daughter's hand.

- Swell, I'll take this one.

- Let it go, let it go.

- Commodore, how old is your daughter?

- She's 16 years old today.

16?!

- 16!

- Well, well, well.

I'd like to congratulate you, Commodore.

16. And one for a good measure.

Tell me, Commodore...

Father, let's go.

- Where's the manager?

- Standing over there, sir.

Are you the manager of this show?

Yes. I hope you enjoyed the show.

How dare you permit

such an impertinent exhibition!

Is there anything funny about my expeditions

to the Arctic or about the North Pole?

- Now, now, it's all in fun.

- Fun, indeed!

My attorneys will show you

how much fun it is!

The whole thing is an outrage.

A blasted outrage!

A man of my reputation! Three voyages to

the pole to be made an object of ridicule.

- I won't stand for it, you hear?

- I'm going to bring suit against this show.

And I shall see the mayor, the governor,

and if necessary, I shall go to Washington.

- You wish to see someone?

- Yes, I want to see Mr Blake. Mr Gary Blake.

I'm sorry, Miss, but you can't see Mr Blake

while the performance is on.

I'm Miss Caraway. Now may I see him?

I think it can be arranged, Miss Caraway.

I'll tell Mr Blake you're here.

- No, I'll go in alone. I want to surprise him.

- Oh, I see.

- Where's Mr Blake's dressing room?

- Right there where the star is.

But I wouldn't advise no further than the

door on account of he's changing costumes.

- Changing...

- Come in.

Lady must know Mr Blake.

I'll leave them alone.

Oh, how do you do?

That's what I think of you.

Now, wait a minute. Wait a minute.

As much as I'd like to spar,

I'm a little short of time.

- Well, I'm not short of words!

- Sorry, I've got to change my trousers.

You're ignorant and stupid!

Nevertheless, I still

have to change my trousers.

You not only made my father look ridiculous,

but you made a fantastic fool out of me!

I'm sorry if the sketch offended you.

No harm was intended.

- How dare you make fun of my private life!

- You have none. You're like a goldfish.

- What?!

- Everybody knows about Mimi Caraway.

Does that give you permission

to make fun of me? My life's my own!

You're a public character,

like Mae West or Max Schmeling.

- When you powder your nose it's news.

- I'm not interested in your opinions.

I order you to take the sketch out of

the show. Immediately! Do you hear me?

- Listen, I'm only an actor.

- A what?

- I make faces for a living.

- And very bad ones, if you ask me.

Something tells me you didn't like

the performance. I'll get your money back.

You impudent upstart!

I'll tell you what you are. You're the poorest

sport I ever had the misfortune to bump into.

I haven't begun to say what I think of you.

For two cents, I'd slap your face.

You've already done that.

- Goodbye, Miss Caraway. Such a lovely girl.

- Hey! Put me down! Put me down!

Joe! I got something for you.

Put this back in its penthouse.

You've got to be quiet.

There's a show going on out there.

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