On the Beach

My name is Richard.

So what else

do you need to know...

stuff about my family

or where I'm from?

None of that matters...

not once you cross the ocean

and cut yourself loose

Looking for something

more beautiful,

something more exciting...

and, yes, I admit...

something more dangerous.

So after 18 hours

in the back of an airplane,

and absolutely no sleep...

I finally touched down...

Hey, you! How about you?

in Bangkok.

Want to go to the waterfall?

Come on! Floating market!

Cheap for you!

Come on! Hey!

Hey, you need

somewhere to stay?

No. I'll be fine.

I'll find my own place.

Thanks.

What do you want, man?

And this is it--

Bangkok:

good-time city,

gateway to southeast Asia,

where dollars

and deutschmarks

get turned into

counterfeit watches

and genuine scars.

Good time!

Boy, girl, f***ing.

No problem.

This is where the hungry

come to feed.

You want to drink

snake blood?

Wait a minute.

Did you say snake blood?

Oh, yeah.

No, thanks.

What is wrong with snake blood?

I just don't like the idea.

Oh, maybe you're scared.

Afraid of somethin' new?

No. I just don't like

the idea, that's all.

Ha! Like every tourist--

you want it all be safe,

just like America.

So never refuse an invitation.

Never resist the unfamiliar.

Never fail to be polite...

Gentlemen...

that was excellent.

And never outstay your welcome.

Just keep your mind open

and suck in the experience,

and if it hurts...

it's probably worth it.

Hey.

Good evening.

Hi.

Can I get a room, please?

Yes.

Roger. They need

some napalm down there

at tree line.

Can you try and put it down there?

The only downer

is everyone's got the same idea.

We all travel thousands

of miles just to watch TV

and check into somewhere

with all the comforts of home.

And you gotta ask yourself...

Don't worry, man!

We'll have this place

cleaned up and ready

for us in a jiffy,

so don't you worry!

what is the point of that?

Ahem!

Et voila.

Thank you.

Bon soir.

Bon soir.

Good night.

And as for traveling alone,

F*** it.

If that's the way

it has to be,

then that's the way it is.

Everybody happy!

Everybody havin'

a good time, eh?

F*** you!

F*** you!

Please shut up, okay?

Bastard parasites!

Parasites!

Yeah. That's f***ing great!

Cancers! Bastard cancers!

The big, chunky charlie

is eatin' up

the whole f***in' world!

Hey!

Hey, you!

You got anything to smoke?

No, I don't have anything to smoke.

That's no problem, pal, 'cause, uh...

I've got loads of the f***ing stuff.

Oh!

You understand what I'm sayin'?

Yeah.

No, you don't.

No, you're right. I don't.

Ah!

That's better!

Thanks.

It was the beach...

you understand?

The beach?

It was too...

beautiful, too much input,

too much...sensation.

I tried to keep it under control,

but it just keeps spilling out

and spilling out and spilling out.

Right.

You see, um...

she's on an island...

and that island is--

is perfect. I mean--

I mean real perfection,

you know?

I'm not just talkin' about...

"Oh, that's nice."

It's the real f***ing deal, okay?

Perfect.

It's just like a--

a lagoon, you know,

A tidal lagoon

that's sealed in by cliffs,

totally f***in' secret, totally f***in'...

forbidden.

And nobody can ever,

ever, ever, ever go there.

Ever.

But a few people went...

once upon a time...

men and women with ideals,

you understand?

I'm not just talkin'

about the usual travelin',

f***ing wanks.

do you believe

in that place?

No.

But I guess you're gonna tell me

that I should, right?

It doesn't even f***ing matter

what I think anymore.

It's up to you.

Ideals, eh?

We were just

f***ing parasites!

The big, chunky charlie!

See, I was the one that

was tryin' to find the cure.

Procurer of the cure.

And I said to them,

"You've got to leave.

You've got to leave this place."

But they wouldn't listen.

No offense and all,

but...

you're f***ed in the head, right?

There, Richard.

It's been nice

knowin' ya, man.

Yeah. You, too.

Be careful!

Electric-- Electricity!

Ma'am!

Ma'am!

Chill, man. No worry.

Hey, man,

there is a letter

for you.

A what?

Letter on your door.

No f***in' way.

Do you...

Hello?

You hope...

and you dream.

But you never believe

that something's

gonna happen for you,

not like it does in the movies.

And when it actually does...

you want it to feel different...

more visceral...

more real.

I was waiting for it to hit me...

but it just wouldn't happen.

A name

of Mr. Daffy Duck.

Birthplace--

Never-Never Land?

Gonna f*** up

all the paperwork.

The police were pissed

because he was traveling

under a false passport.

Go ahead.

Sign the statement.

It's okay.

It just say he cut his wrists,

already dead when you found him.

But they didn't ask me

about the map, so...

No problem.

I didn't tell 'em.

You have a nice day.

Good luck.

Excuse me.

Look, I mean...

this island may not

actually even exist,

and even if it does,

I don't even know

if we can get there or not.

I just wondered if you

wanted to come with me.

That's all.

Hey, you wanna take a hike?

Uh, a trip, a journey...

with your girlfriend

and me?

I mean, the two of you

and me, together?

I'm talking about the secret island.

- Hi.

- Hi.

I just feel like everyone

tries to do somethin' different,

but you always wind up

doin' the same damn thing.

I realized that I

had absolutely no idea

of how I was gonna get there.

But Etienne--

and I have to hand it to the guy--

was great.

I mean, he organized

the whole thing:

tickets, time tables,

the whole damn trip--

Bangkok to Surat Thani,

Surat Thani to Na Thon,

Na Thon to Chawang--

at less than 400 baht.

Trust me, it's a very good deal.

We were headed

for the great unknown,

but to get there,

we had to follow

the regular tourist trail.

# A little less pushin' #

# Or shovin', take it easy #

#You could even get sleazy #

# Come around #

#Watch a movie #

#With the sound down #

# And get woozy #

We are fine. It's arranged.

Tomorrow morning.

Oh, great, man.

Nice work.

There's one problem.

He will not take us

to the island.

It's in the National Park,

and it's forbidden to go there.

But we are allowed

to travel to this one

to stay for one night.

Yeah, yeah. No.

See, that's the wrong one.

Yeah, I know that.

Right, but how do we

get from there to there?

We swim.

We swim?

Yeah.

We leave our rucksacks

on this island,

and then we swim.

You can swim, can't you, Richard?

Of course I can swim.

So, no problem.

Okay, so how far is it, though?

I don't know.

Cool. Cool.

Not far at all.

Stop it, Richard.

It will be worth it.

An adventure,

and just the 3 of us!

"Can you swim?"

Of course I can swim.

"Oh, yeah, I am French,

and I have zee beautiful

girlfriend, too, eh?"

Great!

God damn it!

Locked out, huh?

Yeah.

Lost your key?

Bummer.

Yeah, bummer.

So you wanna grab a beer or somethin'?

You're probably better off

without her, anyway, bro.

Sammy, how the f*** would you know

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