Once I Was a Champion Page #7

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"I've been constantly

running, "searching.

"I was with a woman

for seven years,

"we were engaged to be married,

I came home one night,

"and there were trucks

outside the house

"and strange men

loading up all her things.

"I'd sold all of my furniture " when

she and I started living together,

"so when she left,

she left me in an empty house.

"I couldn't sleep.

I couldn't eat.

"All I do is pace

around the house

"at night looking at

the impressions in the carpet

"where the couch sat,

where the bed was placed,

"where everything used to be, " a

constant reminder of what used to be.

I left that house. "

He used to love to be by himself,

and he was kind of a loner.

You know, for a while there,

I remember when he first started

fighting in the UFC,

he had a girlfriend, a cute girl

that he used to date or whatever,

and she was...

she was around for a while,

and then...

and then I never saw her again.

I think I changed who I

was when I was with him.

I really... I don't know who

he really, in his life,

who was the most important to him

or who he cared a lot about.

I would say, from what

wade has told me,

that I might have been

one of the main things

in his life, who he cared about,

but it's hard for me to say that

because I honestly

never heard him tell me that,

so... - You know, you find out the

day that him and Danita split up,

and you'll see a different...

I had told him about the alcoholism,

that it would need to stop.

It was really affecting us in

our physical relationship,

our emotional relationship,

our financial relationship.

After so many years

of trying to encourage him

to leave that part of his life,

it was really hard because it

never did... it never went away.

The last time I spoke with Evan,

he had invited me for lunch,

and I had already moved out

of the home,

several weeks had gone

by, and I met him.

We sat down and talked

about everything,

and he basically said, "if this

is the decision you want,

we will be over, and this

is the last time we'll speak. "

And I said, "okay.

That's what I want. "

It was traumatic, you know,

that he had found somebody

that he wanted to treat better because

she deserved to be treated so well,

and he couldn't...

he couldn't figure out

how to do it

until it was too late.

He, you know, went

wherever Evan went.

You know, Texas or who knows

where he went or any of that.

And he got a new group,

you know, a group...

a new corps of people

around him,

and he was... and he got another

fight with Justin Levens.

"I accepted the fight

at UFC 59.

"It gave me focus for a time, " but

afterwards there was nothing.

"I fell into a deep depression, " and

I traveled all over the country

"trying to run from it.

"Some would say

it was a wasted year.

"They've said that. But, in this

year, I have begun to write again. "

I was like, "oh,

we should celebrate tonight,

"you know? You guys want to go to a

club and celebrate his victory?"

As we're leaving the parking lot

of UFC.

"And then, you know,

we get some drinks,"

and he screamed loud,

"no!"

It's like, the guy just won a fight

that he was all quiet about it.

And then he mentions...

he's like, "oh,"

like, very, very quiet, he said,

"oh, we can have a drink. "

And then from there, you know,

it didn't work out very well

no more, but...

Drinking his Tequila, you know, like

it was Gatorade and stuff, you know.

And, at one point,

he was sitting in the bench

in my garage,

and he was so much in alcohol

for, like, three, four days

that... that, you know,

it was, like,

blood coming out and stuff.

I never seen nothing like that.

It was sad, you know, man.

We even tried to put water

in his bottles, you know.

He was like, "hey, you guys

trying to trick me?"

I was like, "can you stop

drinking and stop it?"

He would never stop.

I think those couple years

of drinking

were like... those 2 years were

probably more like 10 or 15 years.

He put a lot of alcohol down.

It made it hard for him

to keep relationships.

He was a little...

he was a little transient.

I don't know if... you know, that's

not something I can... I can notice.

You know, it's... you know,

looking from the outside,

maybe someone else could notice

something like that.

I'm, like, so immersed

in my own world

that, you know, I can't see

what different effects

it might have than somebody that

has a different type of life.

But, yeah, my whole life

I've been traveling,

you know, moving around,

been a searcher and a seeker,

you know, and, you know, that

permeates every aspect of my life.

I mean, my... I mean, everything I

do, you know, that kind of mindset

or that state of mind,

you know.

It's the underlying tone

for anything I do in life.

He basically had told me, you

know, growing up, that he had had

a rough childhood, things like that,

and he had chose to distance himself

from family and friends

and that life.

I think... I couldn't speak

for how much the alcohol

drove away his previous friends

and stuff

'cause, like I said, by the time he got

to me, he pretty much was a loner.

The last time

we were together, you know,

he was on my couch for three,

four months, you know.

And he's cool with that. I'm

like, "yeah, you don't mind?"

"No. " You know.

And but he was drinking and,

you know, had his computer,

and that's how he kept in touch

with the world, you know.

You know, he wasn't...

like I said, he wasn't a talker

or nothing like that,

but he could write.

He could write, man.

One of the happiest I saw him

was whenever he found MySpace.

You know, I think being able

to use that notoriety

from fighting to actually

have people be interested

in what he had to say, I think

that's what he really liked.

Every time that Evan Tanner

had a blog,

it was an interesting occasion,

you know?

Always out of left field.

You never knew

when he was gonna post 'em.

I still go online and...

and talk to fans and stuff,

and Evan was definitely one of the

only guys that also did that.

I don't know why we both did

that kind of thing.

'Cause 90% of the time, you're gonna

hear, you know, not good stuff.

Maybe, I think,

in the kind of detached sense

that the Internet

and all that created,

it created some sort

of safety for him,

where he felt okay to kind

of let... let a lot of that out.

And I guess what... what's bothersome

is to feel like you're a friend

with somebody,

and you're there,

and you... you want to establish

a personal contact

and connect with somebody, and

you can never get through.

He really found an outlet

of people that were reaching out

and saying, "jeez, this is

wonderful," and "this is great. "

And I think a lot of that

was just assumed.

I think a lot of people

go, "well, this guy's

"a world champion.

I've seen him on TV.

"He's a successful guy.

If he's saying this,

this must be insightful. "

And it...

it wasn't.

It was absolute ramblings.

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