Once in the Life Page #4

you know. And bing bing! My 20/20 start going off

like crazy. It was like I could feel

all the fellas around her way, they were checking

me out, you know, like, "who's this chump? What's she doing

with him," right? So, we finally get

to her building, and it's all run-down

and sh*t. I'm like, "what the f***

is a chick this fine doing living in a place

like this?" Mierda, she was fine as wine.

I'm telling you, dress her up

in garbage bags, put f***ing TV dinners

on her head, you could not hide

this kind of beauty, and after I'd taken

her out all them times? Said I was going to

get these panties. I mean, I was very serious

about this p*ssy, ok? Is there a point

to this story? Oh, yeah, check it out,

I forgot. We had stopped to get some

bacardi on the way, right? When we get to her apartment

on the fourth floor, that sh*t was hooked up. Top to bottom,

all exotic and whatnot. The b*tch got beads hanging

over the bedroom door, different colored

light bulbs in the ceiling, and pillows on the floor--

that type of sh*t. Yeah, she lit up a joint,

some incense, asked me to

make some drinks while she goes

and gets comfortable. [Speaks spanish] I made it. I made it

to mill basin alive. I'm going to f***

the finest girl I ever seen

in my life, right? So, I make the drinks. One for me, right? One for her. I'm sitting on the floor. I'm sipping my drink.

I'm taking it all in, right? The lights, the reefer,

the incense-- bling bing bing! My 20/20 goes off

again, right? It's like I could feel

something in the room. So, I go to put

my drink down, right? The sh*t spills over. F***ing floor was

slanted, bro. No lie, the sh*t

was like this. So, now I'm trying

to clean up my mess, and I hear

this scratching sound on the floor behind me. I turn around. I see this rat. Go on, yo, a f***ing rat

this f***ing big. Swear to God, it was

as big as your f***ing head. Ahh, I can't stand

them shits. I'm telling you, man,

that sh*t blew my mind. I mean, I couldn't

concentrate on nothing else for the whole rest

of the night. See, what happened was,

when I was little, my sister Debbie,

she got bit by a rat. She was only, what,

2 or 3 years old at the time. I didn't know it then, but I kept that sh*t

locked up in the back of my mind. Like, in my subconscience,

you know? So when the chick

came out of the bathroom-- I mean, all ready

to go, man, looking finer than

a motherf***er-- p*ssy? Furthest thing

from my mind. [Creaking] About time, yo.

Here he comes. We got to get out

of here, Mike. Shut up. I'm trying

to think of something. While you're doing that,

I'm bleeding like a stuck pig. I got

to take a piss-- ow, ow, ow! You f***! Tony: Yo, Mike. Yo, Mikey! F***. Yo, Mike. Ok. I'm going to go

up on the roof. I'm coming with you. No way you're

leaving me by myself. No. You move

around too much, you'll only make

yourself bleed more. Are you stupid? Don't call me stupid

one more f***ing time! Ok, I'm sorry, ok? Tony: Yo, Mike. Yo, Mike, you there? Where you at, baby? I don't know, Mike.

I don't know this guy. How many times

I got to tell you? He's a friend of mine. You keep saying that.

Big deal. He ain't no

f***ing friend of mine. Ok. Ha ha ha! You playing, right? Ok. Keep it out,

all right? Now, don't let him leave, and whatever you do, don't f***ing shoot him. Ok? I'm going to go up

on the roof. Mike. Mike. [Bang] Goddamn, this place

is f***ed up. Trick or treat,

motherf***er. Yo! No problem, baby,

all right? Shut up! Step in the middle

of the floor, slick. Nice and easy. Right here ok, chief? That's fine.

Just fine. Ok. Hey, hey, f***er!

Use your head. Empty out your pockets

on the table there and be very, very

careful. Careful is

my middle name, man. Just don't shoot

a brother is all I'm saying. Just so long

as the brother keeps his hands

where I can see them. It's all I got, chief. I hate carrying this thing.

Keeps the old lady off my case, you know

what I'm saying? Hey, I ain't interested

in your life story, pal. You sit down over there

nice and easy, and keep your

f***ing hands up. You got it. Yo, my man. What the f***

do you want? Is Mike here? How the f***

should I know? Didn't I hear

two people up here? Who gives a f***

what you heard? Look, I'm just

trying to make sure I'm in the right place.

That's all I'm saying. Now, he called

my old lady, said he was trying to

find his sister Debbie. I just want to see if I

can help a brother out. Oh, great. Another one

with the brother sh*t. So, you're a friend

of his, huh? Look, man, that's

my motherfucking man. Go back like

car seats, baby. There's too much crime

and too much time. See what I'm saying? Oh, Christ almighty. You all right, man? Yeah, I'm fine. I got to take a piss. Go ahead, man,

take a break. I ain't gonna

give you no-- you, just be quiet

till Mike gets back. Oh, so he's here? Yeah, he's up

at the roof. He said you was to wait

for him till he comes down. Said to keep you here. Yo, my man. What? Can I put my hands

down now? Yeah. Don't think I

won't cap you one just because you're

a friend of Mike's. No problem, man. Yo, what's

your name? What? Are we

f***ing friends? What's your name, man? Torch. I'm Tony t.

Nice to meet you. Whatever. I seen you somewhere

before, right? Never. You sure I ain't

never met you before? Hey, let me

tell you something. I never seen you before.

You never seen me before. I don't know you.

I don't want to know you. I'd just as soon shoot you

as look at you. You got it? I got it, man.

No problem, all right? Put your f***ing hands

behind your head. Mikey? Mikey, man. I got to take

a leak, man. You better get

down here fast, or I'm going to f***ing

put one in your friend here. Hey, yo, take it

easy, all right? You, shut the f*** up. Oh, sh*t. Ohh! Ohh...Ohh, sh*t! Sh*t, no. Mike: Oh, yeah, Billy. Motherf***er! Oh, sh*t!

F***, man, whoa! Take it easy, torch. Give me the gun.

Don't shoot, ok? What's the matter?

You ok, bro? Don't f***ing call

me that. What's the matter?

Tony, what happened? I think your boy had

a little accident. I pissed

my f***ing pants, man. Oh...Sh*t, uh...

I'm sorry, bro. Hold up. Hold up.

Come here. Come on. Now, you sit

over here, all right? There you go. 20/20 Mike. Tony t., what's up,

huh? Ha ha! So, what

happened, Mike? Fellas, can I get

a hand over here? Hey, yo, chill. We'll get you cleaned up

in a second, ok? Tony: What up, Mike? Well, it's a long story. Hey, you ain't seen nobody

following you, did you? No. Two dudes

on the corner using the pay phone. Word? Word. Suave, Mike. Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah.

Suave. We cool. You bet. Torch, ok? F*** you. Torch: F*** the both

of you cocksuckers. I'm bleeding.

My f***ing hand's killing me. I'm soaked to the gills

in my own piss, for Christ's sakes. Torch, just take it

easy, ok? It's all right.

I got some old sweats in my ride downstairs. I'll go get them,

bring them up, get you out

of them pissy pants, get you cleaned up,

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