Once in the Life Page #5

all right? Well, hurry up. What the f***

are waiting on? I'm dying over here. Damn, Mike. Where you find

this evil motherf***er? It's a long story. Can you get us

something to eat, and maybe something

to drink, too? No problem. Yeah, some cigarettes

and something sweet. And maybe some stuff

to clean up his hand? You know, it's

pretty f***ed up. Yeah. No problem, man. What happened, man?

What did y'all do? We tried to

beat somebody and we ran

into a little problem. Tried to beat

somebody? Who? Yeah, well, you

don't want to know. Manny Rivera, that's who. Torch: Ok? You can

f***ing go now. Wait a minute. Wait

the f*** a minute here. You beat Manny Rivera? For how many keys? 3. Supposed to be 4. Torch: We lost one.

What a f***ing waste. You got a lot of nerve talking that sh*t

after what you did. You going to start that

f***ing sh*t with me again? You're so

f***ing stupid. The next time you

call me f***ing stupid-- there won't be

no next time, Manny Rivera find

you two motherfuckers. [Sighs] I'm not feeling

too good, Mike. You got to stop moving

around so much. Look, Tony will be back

in a minute, all right? Let me see your hand. I can't feel

my fingers. I think I'm going to

pass out. Jesus, man, you all

f***ing sweaty and sh*t. That's this f***ing cold

I'm trying to catch. I'll be fine as soon as

we get out of here. All right, all right.

Let me see that hand. No, just leave it alone.

It will be fine. Come on. You keep it

in your pocket, it's only going to get

infected. Let me see. No. Ow! Let me see. No, man, stop. Let go of my f***ing arm,

for Christ's sakes, will you? Yeah, ok, go ahead.

Keep in your pocket. Bleed to death, stupid. Hey, next f***ing time

you call me stupid, I'll throw you a beating

you'll never forget. Oh, right. With one

f***ing hand, right? You know, that sh*t gets

infected bad enough, you get gangrene. Cut the f***ing thing

off of you. The f*** they will.

Besides, it ain't that bad. Oh, that's

what you think? Well, then, hey. See if I give

a marvelous f*** when it falls off. It ain't gonna fall off. It ain't that bad.

I'm telling you. Just a scratch. Ok. Yo, house,

where's Manny? I got to talk

to him. Manny went to see

his mother. You take care

of your boy? I'm working on him. Buddha: Hmm. Ruffy, you owe me $100. Nah, nah. Give him

a chance. He's a virgin. [Chuckles] What you going

to do now? Buddha: I don't know

what happened, but something's

got to be a deal. We'll give you another

couple of hours to take care

of your business. Or your business

becomes our business. Ahh-ahh! Make me some money, baby. Look, I didn't want

to say nothing, but I think

I seen him before. Who? Your friend there.

Frosted flakes. Tony? Yeah.

You sure? Yeah, I'm sure. You positive? I don't know.

I can't remember where. How could you forget

somebody like Tony? I don't know,

but it will come to me. I'll tell you

one f***ing thing for sure, I don't like him. Yeah, well, you

didn't like me when you met me either,

Mr. Williams. Cut me a break with that

Mr. Williams sh*t. Sorry, bro. Stop calling me bro. Jesus. I've known you

two weeks. Already the biggest

pain in the ass I've ever had in my

whole f***ing life. Well, that's only natural seeing as how me and you

got the same f***ing father. You and me is

different, period. What you and me

got in common, I don't want to

talk about. What I want

to know about is your friend there-- f***ing Tony

the frosted flake. Mike: Come on, man.

F***ing Tony the tiger. Torch: What's

the difference? We're talking about

the same guy, right? So, what about him? How you know

we can trust him? You see what I'm saying? How do you know

he won't rat us out? No way! Look, man. Me and Tony did

too much time together for that. You sure? Yeah, I'm sure. Positive? Absolutely.

Absolutely positive. Ok. Ok. Hey, Mike. What? You think they'll

really cut my hand off? Tony, voice-over:

I was young, impressive, hot with my fancy. I was known as

the adequate male. Oh, but how I cursed the day

I made my play for that sidewalk jezebel. Manny: Precious.

Hey, come here. She was a brown-skinned moll

like a China doll walking the path of sin. Up and down she trod

with a wink and a nod, and this b*tch

I had to win. What's up, Manny? No, it was not by chance

I caught her glance because I meant

to steal this thing, and when she looked at me,

I jumped a league. Said it's time

for old slim again. Freddie, did you

miss us? [Freddie groaning] Boo hoo hoo. Trying

to say something? What? Huh? What's the matter? You got problems

with language? Come on, fellas.

Give me a break, man. Why you got to treat

a brother like this? A brother? What are you,

a comedian now? You a funny man? No, man, I'm just

trying to add a little levity to the situation,

you know. Levity? Oh, that's

a good idea. Here's levity. Seriously, fellas,

life's too short. You shouldn't take

everything so serious. Oh, philosophy now, huh? Make me laugh. He's right. Make--make

Buddha laugh. You make him laugh, you get to live

a little longer. Yeah. Ok.

Yeah. All right. Show your best. Ok. All right,

here's a good one. There's a--there's

a white guy, a Chinese guy,

and a black guy, all in the fifth grade. Who's got

the biggest dick? I don't know. Who's got

the biggest dick? The black guy,

of course. He's 18. Ha ha ha! 18... You motherfuck-- ow! Looks like you lost

a lot of blood, Billy. Yeah. You should have

seen the other guy. Yeah. Very funny,

very funny. Now don't move. All right, but it's

f***ing-- I told you

it f***ing hurts--ow! Hey. Quit moving, then. You know, we're lucky

to be alive. Come on. Quit

f***ing moving, Billy. You keep f***ing

poking, and I told you it hurts me,

for Christ's sakes. You know, I swear to God

if I get any more of your blood on me,

I'm gonna-- you think you're gonna

f***ing catch something? Don't worry, I've been

tested more times than I can count. Yeah. Yeah. Me, too. Great. Makes us one

happy f***ing family. Ha ha ha! You f***ing a**hole. What are you

talking about? Look at you, man. What? You're all f***ing

pissy and sh*t. I'm sorry. Look, we got to get you

out of the jacket. Ok. All right? Yeah. Take it easy

because it f***ing hurts,

all right? Don't f*** around. Ok. On 3-- let me help you. All right. Ready? 1, 2, 3, go. Aah! F***ing sh*t. Attaboy. Attaboy. Motherfucking

son of a b*tch. There you go, Billy. You did it, huh? You did it, all right? F***, yeah. Good. Good. Ok. Ok? All right. Hey, Mike, wait. What? What? You ain't gonna

tell anybody I pissed my pants,

are you? No, I'm not gonna

tell anybody you pissed your pants. You swear? I swear to my mother.

Ok? Ok. Come on,

come on. Ok. All right. A guy's going to buy

a brain, right? There's

a white guy's brain, a Chinese guy's brain, and a black guy's brain. White guy's brain

is $200, Chinese guy's brain

is $300, the black guy's brain

is $5,000. This guy goes,

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