Once in the Life Page #6

"hey, how come the black guy's brain

is so expensive?" The guy goes, "it's

never been used." Ha ha ha! Never been used,

you dumb-- go ahead. Lay down. I like two pillows. Mmm. So what's up with

you and him, huh? What's all this

too much crime, too much time sh*t

all about? Like I say, man, too much time,

too much crime. I mean, it's funny we even ended up

being friends. We were supposed to have

this big f***ing fight when we met. The two of youse was

supposed to fight? I'd pay good money to see you get

your ass kicked. Ain't that much

kung foolishness in the world, all right? I'd have paid. Yeah. You and the guy

that started it. F***ing garnett-- little guy

with a big mouth, right? Said he was

Tony's cousin, but he wasn't, right? See, what happened was,

we was in the eighth grade. It was just before school

was getting out for summer. I remember it was hot

that day. Me and some of my boys

were in the bathroom smoking cigarettes

after lunch period. So, f***ing garnett

comes in with his boys. You know.

He's wearing, like, a brand-new leather jacket, talking sh*t about how

he robbed it off somebody, about how he did this,

that, the other thing to the guy. Anyway, I said

to garnett, I said, "what's the big

f***ing deal, man? It's only

a f***ing jacket, right?" The next thing I know, the punk jumps up

in my face. You know, talking about

he was gonna kick my ass if I didn't mind

my business. So, I picked him up,

I threw him headfirst right into the f***ing

toilet bowl. Motherf***er did not know

whether to sh*t or go blind, but that

ain't stopping him from running his mouth.

No. Mm-mmm. He's all like, uh, "my cousin Tony's gonna

make you sorry you ever messed with me,"

right? The next thing I know,

everybody around my way, they're telling me

about some big dude who's looking for me, he's into that f***ing

kung fu, karate-type sh*t. So now, I'm bugging

the f*** out, right? I mean,

I got my switchblade, I'm all up and down

the Avenue looking for this guy. I'm standing

across the street from Danny's candy

store--ping ping. Ping ping. So I turn around,

and I could see it was him. He says to me,

"you're Mike?" I'm like, "yeah,

you're Tony?" He's like, "yeah," so now I got my hand

on the switchblade, and I'm hoping I get it

out of my pocket, you know, before he commences

to kung foo-ing my ass. Next thing I know,

he says to me, "you want to go

for a walk?" "Yeah." I'm telling you,

bro, it was, it was like we were

strangers to each other, but we wasn't. And we've been like this

ever since, man. Went to erasmus hall

together, drank, smoke, got high... Ate at each other's house

all the time. You saw him, you saw me

and vice versa, yo. My mom's practically

adopted him, and my sister, Debbie,

forget about it, man. She loved her some Tony. Senior year, we-- we got tired

of doing school, you know-- dropped out, started

doing crime instead. Got busted. They done

put us on riker's island. I spent a whole 18 months

locked up with this dude. I don't even know how

I would have done my time without him,

you know? He used to recite this--

this poem all the time. This crazy, jailhouse

poetry-type sh*t, know what I'm saying? Tony: And under them neon

lights, her eyes shone bright, and from them,

a teardrop fell. When I asked her why,

she began to cry and tell me

this bitter tale, all about some guy

that blacks her eye and takes all the bread

she gets. When she lands in jail,

he won't go for bail, and he defies her

to call it quits. Well, I said, darling,

dry them tears. Have no fear, because the tender,

kind lover is here, and I'm staking a claim

on all parts of your game. I'm vowing to have

no peer. Well, she looked at me

like a slave set free and said, "I'll be

your woman." And when I left with her,

her man did not stir. Yeah. I knew I had me one. That sh*t really

got me through, bro. Helped me hang

in there, you know, and do my time. Mike: And then

when we got out, and he had Maxine pregnant

with precious, he asked me

to be the godfather. Me--nobody but me. Nah, man.

F*** that noise, man. Ain't no way that

he would rat us out. That's my

motherfucking man. Mike: Too much time,

too much crime. You know what I'm saying? Mike: Torch, you ok? Billy. Come on.

Wake up, bro. Yo, Mike. I got something sweet, man. And the itsy bitsy

spider climbed up

the spout again somebody's not

singing here. Who's not

singing here? Who's not

singing here? Mommy. What's the matter,

mommy? Sing with us. Yeah, mommy. What time does

a Chinese guy go to the dentist? Look out now. 2:30. Ok. "Tooth hurty,"

you f***ing--aah! Oh, no. It's tooth hurty. Aah. Come on, come on. Why do white people go to black people's

garage sales? I don't know.

Why? To get

their stuff back. Ha ha ha! Why did the black guy hit the white guy? Because he

wasn't funny. Pace yourself now,

ruffy, come on. Don't give yourself

a heart attack. Be in control

of your emotions. Knock, knock. Knock, knock. Knock, knock. No one's home. Just one more time, break it down

for me, man. Make me understand. Ok? Ok. Like I say,

we got to the stuyvesant

hotel around 3:
00, cased the joint,

like me and you used to do

back in the day when we flim-flammed all

them wall street types. Tony: I hear you. Now, we were

supposed to meet, like around 4:00. Around about 3:30,

these 3 chulitos show up I never

seen before, man-- real young cats. Really young--couldn't

have been no more than what, 19, 20

years old at the most? Yeah. Had on them

baggy clothes, f***ing cornbred hair-- they were straight up

stickup kids. Mike: They was

babies, man. Tony, I mean,

they were riding in an elevator

with 4 kilos of heroin and looked like

they was still on their mama's titty,

ni me pregunte. So, we get to

the eighth floor. I break left.

They break right. I can feel them

clocking me, right, but I never look back. No, no, no.

I just keep walking like I'm going

towards my room, and what happened? Ping ping. My 20/20 goes off,

right? Tells me exactly

what room they go to, right? F***ing guy got eyes in the back

of his head, man. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Ping ping. So check it: I just ease

down the hall. I couldn't believe

that Manny would send such young, dumb

motherfuckers to deal

with all this weight, but I figure, ok, it makes the job

easier, right? I knock on the door.

They let me in. They frisk me. They ask me

who I got with me, that type of sh*t. I see they're getting

a little nervous. So what do I do? Try to chill them out

a little bit. You know, try to make a little

light conversation. Chill them out, tell them how

professional they are. You know, how Manny's

a stand-up guy, he's always bringing

up new talent, it's always a pleasure

doing business with him and his people, blahsy, blahsy, blahsy,

blip, blip, blip, bullshit, bullshit,

bullshit. Carlito?

Chill, papi. Mike: They seemed

to chill out after that. So, torch knocks

on the door. The kid lets him in

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