One by Two

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1

Excuse Me!

Could you get out of my way?

Thank You!

Move out, will you! Thank You.

And you of course, had to come

and block the camera!

Hey! Guys! Guys! Mihir! Amit!

Dance my little monkeys!

Dance for spare change!

Yeah Amit, dance!

How about these moves ?

- Very good. Sing a song

- Ok, that's enough now, Shaila.

- Yeah, sing Amit.

-no, no, that's enough.

- Radhoo, my Radhoo

- Yeah, sing Amit.

- Amit won't sing anymore.

- Amit will sing

- It was fine in college, but now kind of bad.

- It wasn't even fine in college.

- Ranjan Sadanah?

- He's right here...Jonathan, save me!

Dance?

Here Born baa, take the camera from me!

- What happened? She left you?

- So what are you gonna do about it?

Amit's girlfriend

left him and went away.

Aww! Amit is getting all teary eyed!

Hey, Amit! Where you going?

- Bombaa, give me the camera!

- Hey! Amit! Amit!

- Look, it's Radhika

- Stop following me around!

- Aww! Show me how you cry, Amit!

- Leave me alone. Stop following me around!

- Ok, enough!

Where the air is intoxicating

Where the ambience is like a drug

Where the earth indulges in madness

And the sky sways to it's own beat

Shine a lantern, light the way

Search your heart out

You ain't gonna find

another place like this

Where even the moon

goes for a vacation

That's the kind of city I live in.

Everyone's busy running the rat race

Life's currency is right here

So is the change

Why waste it on unhappiness

When it's the little

moments that count.

Everyone's alone in the crowd

Following their own little trail

Shine a lantern, light the way

Search your heart out

You ain't gonna find

another place like this

Where even the moon

goes for a vacation

That's the kind of city I live in.

- A drink in the name of affection.

-(Bravo! Bravo!)

A drink in the name of affection

A drink in the name of love

A drink in the name of affection

A drink in the name of love

- A drink in the name of the faithful

-(Excellent! Bravo!)

A drink in the name of the faithful

A whole damn bottle

in the name of the unfaithful

Excellent! Excellent!

You're great!

And the entire alcohol shop

in the name of friends.

Well done Sir, excellent!

- Thank you for suffering through that.

That was my Uncle - (Assistant

Commissioner of Police)ACP Dhawan,

our family's self-proclaimed

King of Comedy.

And up next is Inspector Chowgle.

Whose poem is titled

"Round and Round,

what's this I Found?"

Round and Round, what's this I found?

For you, a familial love abounds

Round and Round what's this I found?

Sometimes a roti,

sometimes a chapatti,

Sometimes a wrap, sometimes a roll

WOW!

Round and Round, what's this I found?

Round and Round, what's this I found?

Precious to my plate

Precious to my plate

From the fields of Punjab and Haryana,

A harvest so great.

Listen hard to my lines,

Experience the pain oh so fine!

Of each grain milled with harsh stone

Of each grain milled with harsh stone,

Into the fire of

my cooktop it's thrown

The dough as soft as satin

The dough as soft as satin

A gastronomical ecstasy

only you can imagine

And all round there

is only one chant -

Round Round, What's this I found,

Round Round, What this I found.

(Bravo! Bravo!)

- Thank You.

Well Done!

And now

Hawaldar More

It's said that if you truly love

someone, you should set them free.

If they come back,

then it's true love.

But if Inspector Chowgle

frees her round and round roti,

The stray dogs in the alley

below will rip the roti to shreds

Hungrily attack that poor round thing

and won't even bother to burp after.

And the next day,

Poor Inspector Chowgle's

round and round true love will

be reduced to round and round turds.

I actually feel the pain of that roti

because my girlfriend left me.

She shook up my world

like some earthquake, hurricane,

landslide under which I'm buried,

and I can't even breathe.

My body has turned blue.

My heart's stopped beating.

The blood in my veins has frozen like

liquid nitrogen, frozen liquid nitrogen

that's soon gonna burst

strewing little fragments of me

here, there, everywhere.

(Everywhere! Everywhere!)

Bravo! Bravo! Excellent!

And look at him

Hey, my favourite delinquent!

Everything 0k?

We too were once young,

Confusing love and lust

a whole bunch

Then age and experience took over

When the pretty young

things called us seniors.

To protect our sanity we ran for cover

Kudos ACP Sir! Kudos!

Hey Mr.MC, women will come and go.

In the meantime, get married.

Yes! Get married!

Uncle, You never got married!

NOpe!

How many women have come

and gone from your life?

Three and a half.

Three and a half.

Couldn't close the

deal with the last one.

Uncle!

You haven't drunk tonight,

have you?

Ride your bike safely

And give your mother my love.

Let's go

Hey, what's the deal with

this three and a half business?

You don't know, Salgaonkar?

C'mon, you're with me all the time!

You're looking so beautiful.

God! You're so sexy!

Hold on, Wait...

sorry, thong adjustment.

The disadvantage of trying

to be sexy all the time.

Ok, Now you can say it.

God! You're so sexy!

Sexy enough to be

the lead dancer?

Hmm...You think?

I could be sexier...

Show me.

Grow a moustache?

Armpit check?

What are you doing?

You're crazy!

And you're so cute!

And you're so beautiful.

But listen,

don't fall in love with me, ok!

Mum, mummy mum!

Wake up mum!

Wake up!

Samara baby, you're home?

Practice went on till very late?

C'mon, it's sleepy time.

UP We go. C'mon up we go!

C'mon up we go! C'mon, up!

Watch! Watch! Ok!

You knowl love you, right?

You're the most beautiful thing

that ever happened to me.

Love you! Love you!

I love you too, Mummy mum.

Spam! Spam!

Idiotic! Brainless! Dumb!

Offensive! Offensive!

Offensive! Spam!

Hey Amit! I'm not offensive!

How can you block, huh?

How can you block!

Your spelling is offensive.

W.U.Z! D.A.T! Wuz. Dat?

What are you?

A 7th grade failed fifteen year old?

Forum Nazi!

Hey, Amit!

Radhika is,

was and always will be a dimwit

You shouldn't use

that word for women.

Listen to him!

Radhika never was, nor is

nor ever will be a woman OK?

Hey Amit, you needn't worry.

I'm going to take

care of your sex life.

I'll make you meet Ashima.

Dude, She's hot, like really hot!

Excuse me?

Since when has Ashima been hot?

Don't listen to him Amit.

He thinks that

horse-faced Nikita is hot.

When did I say that?

You slept with her.

So? She was there, so was I.

What had to happen, happened!

What's hot got anything

to do with this, huh?

So? This chair is here.

So is the computer.

Here - Stapler?

Kiss me Mihir, Kiss me.

Anika, Stop talking sh*t!

Okay?

So you're ready as long

as the girl is willing?

Yeah! Who says no to a free dinner!

- Ewvvw!!! You're sick.

- You're sick

Right, Amit? Amit?

- Amit?

Like bubbles floating in the air

Like sunshine in the winter gloom

Like all the seasons in one

Never had this feeling before

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