One Fine Day

I heard that my son, Dave Jr...

You met Dave Jr, right?

This is great news.

I was notified Sunday that Dave Jr

will be tried as a juvenile for grand theft auto.

Congratulations.

911. 911.

Mommy.

Mom?

I'm really thirsty, Mommy.

OK.

OK. OK, sweetie.

- Good night.

- Wait. There's one more sip left.

- Half a sip. You don't need it. Good night.

- I do need it. I do need it, Mommy.

OK. Now good night for real, OK?

- Good night, Mom.

- Night-night.

I'm real excited about the field trip tomorrow.

- I love big boats.

- That's good.

- The Circle Line is big, right?

- Yeah.

Good.

Mom?

Sleepy time now.

Is Daddy coming

to my soccer game tomorrow?

He's gonna try, Sammy.

Honey, do you remember when

I explained to you that Daddy has

- a different schedule to other daddies?

- Yeah.

Well, musicians don't always know exactly

when they're gonna get a chance to play.

So... there's a chance

he might not come tomorrow.

But he's gonna try.

Yeah. He's gonna try.

I love you a million, billion, zillion.

Do you love him?

Huh, Mommy?

I will always love your daddy

because he gave me you.

Now go to sleep.

I can't sleep, Mom.

I had a bad dream.

In just two minutes you already

fell asleep and had a bad dream?

Sweetie...

I don't even think I knew her.

She's lyin'. I'd divorce her.

- Hi, Jack.

- Dad!

- Hi, Daddy!

- Hey! You maggot, you! Come here.

Watch your step.

- Maggie, be careful.

- It's all right. She does it all the time.

I can't believe your plumbing's not fixed yet.

- So what's up, Kristen?

- Me and Greg got married last Saturday.

- Oh, yeah. How's Greg?

- He's waiting in the car.

Waiting with an ulcer, hoping you'll say yes.

I need you to watch Maggie for me.

OK. I can do that till about six.

Would that help?

- Well...

- For the whole week, Daddy.

We were going on our honeymoon today.

But the nanny's gotta go watch her mother

have a benign tumor removed in Ohio.

Greg's parents are too old. Mine are too crazy.

Yours are dead. So that leaves you.

- Please, Jack, do this. Please!

- I would love to but I'm working on a story.

- You're always working on a story.

- Yeah. It's what I do.

The same old one about a good-time father

to whom responsibility is a dirty word.

Here's a hint. For an attempted manipulation,

like the one in progress, I'd have tried flattery.

Why am I always the grown-up?

Because at the start of the relationship, when

we chose sides, you chose grown-up first.

- This is how you want it.

- No. What I want

is just once for you to make a sacrifice

in your career for your daughter.

Come here, my little noodle.

My little creature.

Go pee. And wash your hands and face

and brush your teeth.

We're in a hurry cos we have to

take your friend Maggie to school.

- We can't be late because of your field trip.

- I hate Maggie. She thinks she's so funny.

- Maggie?

- Here's Maggie's doctor's number

and the number of a baby-sitter

who can help tomorrow.

She's got a walk-on part today.

One last thing. This is really important.

My neighbor was supposed to take Maggie

to school for me this morning.

She lives in my building... Jack. Jack?

- Apartment 501. This is her number.

- OK.

- Her name is Melanie Parker.

- Melanie Parker.

If you want her to take Maggie

to school for you...

If you want her to take Maggie to school,

bring Maggie to her house before eight.

If not, call Mel and let her know that

you don't need her to take Maggie. Jack? OK?

I'm gonna miss my plane.

- Maybe I should cancel my honeymoon.

- Don't cancel it.

- Are you sure?

- Yeah. Don't worry. Say hi to Greg.

- Bye, baby!

- Bye!

Bye, baby.

Bye, baby. Baby!

Come on, Mom.

OK. Press two, honey.

Where are they?

Want some more? Don't burn your hands.

We're havin' a Manhattan camp-out.

Why don't you just bang on the door?

We can't bang on the door of honeymooners.

- What time does your school start?

- I don't know.

It probably starts around nine. We're gonna

get there a few minutes early just to be safe.

- What street's your school on?

- I don't know.

We're in trouble.

- I'm gonna miss the boat trip, aren't I?

- It won't go on time. We'll make it. I promise.

Let's run, just in case.

What's it say?

"The whole school is on the Circle Line.

Sorry we missed you."

That's a big "uh-oh," right?

Mom?

You must be Kristen's ex-husband.

- Hi, Sammy.

- Hi, Maggie.

And you must be...

OK. Well, you're not Sheila,

the actress/baby-sitter,

or Maggie's pediatrician, Dr Feldman.

Oh, there you go. "Don't forget to call

Melanie Parker." Underlined three times.

We're not quite together yet. Sorry. What do

you mean, I must be Kristen's ex-husband?

That's her daughter, and this is

a totally ex-husband thing to do.

You'd know because that's

a totally ex-wife remark.

You know, I have a day. Taxi!

Taxi!

Get those fish. Let's go. Come on.

Wait, wait, wait! You forgot your fish!

Pier 56, please, as fast as you can.

- I don't wanna sit next to him, Daddy.

- I don't wanna sit next to her, Mommy.

Come on. Over the top.

Would you please just take those? Thank you.

I don't know why you have an attitude. It's

your fault they'll probably miss the field trip.

- Not Central Park West. Broadway's faster.

- My attitude is derived from your attitude.

- Derived? You must be a writer.

- Let me guess. Your ex-husband is a writer.

No. My ex-husband is a musician.

I don't need to see that.

I already have an opinion of you.

And I of you.

Liza! Liza, thank God you're home.

- I need a huge favor.

- Melanie? Is that you? You sound awful.

Where are you? Don't answer. I can't talk.

I'm on the other line organizing a fun run.

No, wait. Don't hang up. I really need you to...

Bye, honey.

- Hello? Hello!

- Yeah, I'm here.

- What's the matter?

- There's this guy,

who obviously thinks a minor amount of

charm replaces integrity and commitment,

has not only ruined my day but Sammy's

as well. He's completely missed his field trip.

- My mom hates your dad.

- So? My dad hates your mom.

- So?

- So?

Hey, it's me. I just wanna know

if you're wearin' panties.

What color are they?

Lew, I need this photo approved now.

If I ever act interested in another man again,

would you please shoot me?

- No, don't take 57th across!

- Pink?

- Pink? Sure.

- When is Jack getting in?

No, I will not leave Sammy at the Ninth Street

drop-in center, Liza. He hates it there.

You're my sister.

How can you not watch him?

I have to meet my boss in 15 minutes.

Then I have this presentation, which

could add up to a huge promotion for me.

And you have no job, a nanny,

a cook and a housekeeper.

The nanny is taking Courtney

to Mommy and Me.

Angela is cooking all day for

our dinner party tonight. Berta is cleaning.

- And I'm working at the school this morning.

- What about later?

Later I'm getting dressed

for our dinner party tonight.

- Why don't you get a nanny?

- Because I can't afford a nanny, Liza.

You're with a girl, aren't ya? You dog, you!

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