One for the Money Page #2

Yeah, I do. And I gotta tell you,

I could use a good joke these days,

'cause I haven't had a lot to

laugh about lately.

You know what I mean?

Okay, we can do this the easy way

or the hard way.

- Hey! Hey!

- Hey!

You got no gun, you got no cuffs,

and you got no backup.

I mean, seriously, Plum,

thanks for the laugh.

- What about your mother?

- What about my mother?

She mortgaged her house.

She's gonna lose everything.

Don't you even care?

- Hey! Listen to me! God!

- You listen to me.

I'd cut my own throat before

I'd let you bring me into custody.

'Cause number one, I'm a cop.

You know what happens to cops in jail?

Not pretty. And number two,

you're the last person

I'd let collect the money,

'cause you're a goddamn

lunatic who ran me over

because I didn't call after I nailed you.

We're ancient history.

Like the pyramids, baby.

It was an accident.

You're going down, Morelli.

God.

I mean it. I'll just come after you.

Fine. I'll get my keys, get in my car.

I got to say, I like the way

you let your hair go curly like that.

It suits your personality, you know?

It's got lots of energy, not much control.

Sexy as hell.

- You know nothing about my personality.

- No?

Well, I know about the "sexy as hell" part.

Tactless of you to remind me.

Oh!

Come on.

Good to see you, cupcake!

You're an animal!

Yeah. So he's an animal,

but we knew that already.

Can you move up a little?

You smell like a dumpster.

No offense.

Really? Because I don't smell it any more.

- 50 grand, dead or alive?

- Yeah.

Vinnie will lose his sh*t if he knew

you were face to face and came up empty.

Oh, all right.

Look. Ricardo Manoso,

likes to be called Ranger.

- Call him in the morning.

- Ranger?

What is he, an action figure?

Ranger Manoso, the Lord God guru

of bounty hunting.

He looks like Michelangelo

dipped the statue of David in caramel

and strapped some heat on him.

Did I catch you in the middle

of a tour of duty?

Yuk it up. If it had been me

who clocked Morelli,

I'd be sitting on 50 grand right now.

- How are those fries?

- They're not bad.

Excuse me, can I get some ketchup?

Thanks.

So I did a little recon.

The guy Morelli killed, Ziggy Kuleska,

he was moving heroin.

But you knew that already, right?

Yeah. Yeah. Isn't that a little hard

on your stomach?

How come you're not going after Morelli?

Trying to diversify to private security,

things like that. None of your business.

No Splenda? Nothing?

It just seems a little acidic, is all.

And, you know, food is fuel, so.

You're out of your league.

You need to respect that.

A, he's a cop, B, he put a bullet

in Ziggy Kuleska's head

and we don't know the circumstances.

Except for C, he was off-duty

and he used a personal weapon

with a.45 Hydra-Shok.

- You even know what that is?

- It's a gun. I'm not an idiot.

A bullet.

Entry wound like a BB blows out a chunk

the size of a potato.

You even own a gun?

Is it bad if I say no?

She wants to be a badass recovery agent.

She's going after Morelli.

- Smith and Wesson five-shot.

- Thirty-eight special.

- It fits nice in a purse.

- Mmm. Sexy.

You can take the gun, honey.

- It's enchanting, isn't it?

- Yeah.

Do you mind if I take her for a test drive?

I might like his better.

Hey, look. I got three out of five.

Not bad, right?

You might have put a dent in his golf swing.

That's about it.

I mean, this one just pissed him off.

He returned fire and killed you. Muerto.

Yeah, but you just got two.

It's a good two, but two out of how many?

I'm just saying, I got three out of five.

Did it ever occur to you that all my rounds

went through the same two holes?

Yeah, I don't think so.

Not done.

Head on a platter. Here.

Wow!

Hey, listen. I'm going to go pay

for these guns, okay?

No, I can't let you buy me a gun.

Now, Plum, don't flatter yourself.

She won't sell to you. You got no permit.

You're paying me back.

Okay.

Can I keep this?

Hey, I was just about to call you.

You will never believe where I am.

I was just shooting a gun. How hot is that?

- Where are you?

- Sunny's.

Ranger's teaching me how to shoot.

He bought me a gun.

Ranger? What is he, an action figure?

I know, right? But he's helping me

with this whole bounty-hunter thing

so I can nail Morelli.

Well, not "nail" Morelli.

You know what I mean.

- Yeah, I know.

- What?

He skipped bail. He's worth 50 grand.

That's it.

What?

Okay. I just can't tell if you're actually

in this for the money

or if that's just a handy excuse

to chase this guy down.

Yeah, I can see where this is going,

so I'm gonna hang up. I love you.

If I'm looking for Morelli,

I gotta start with his mom.

I don't care if the Pope comes to the house

and beats me with a stick

I will never forgive you. Not ever.

I understand that, Mrs. Morelli,

but Joe missed his court appearance...

You understand nothing.

Wait till you have a child,

and some stunad comes along in a car

and breaks his leg that God gave him.

Then maybe you can stand on my stoop

and tell me you understand.

Okay, but maybe I could just give you

my number, you know and...

A gun? Jesus,

what is this world coming to?

Does your mother know

that you're carrying a gun, Stephanie Plum?

That went well.

The only other person who wants to find

Joe Morelli more than I do...

- Hey, Eddie, what's up?

- ...is my old friend, Eddie Gazarra.

I like the new office.

You're moving up in the world, Eddie.

Good for you.

We both know why you called,

so just get to the point.

The point is, I was on the receiving end

of a baffling phone call,

which I am trying to understand.

Hey! That's going to leave a water mark.

It's laminated, Eddie.

It's like watering a fake plant. Relax.

Maybe I'd relax better...

Would you please get off my desk?

Maybe I'd relax better

if I didn't get a call from my wife.

- Shirley the whiner?

- Hey, hey, hey.

That's my wife and your cousin,

who herself got a call from Lucille Plum.

Vinnie's wife?

You people gotta stop gossiping.

What is wrong with everybody?

What's wrong is we're worried.

You shouldn't be anywhere near

the Morelli thing.

Hey, I have as much right to go after

Morelli as anybody.

You don't know anything about the case.

I know the victim's name is Ziggy Kuleska.

I know he was shot by an off-duty Morelli.

I know the judge posted

bail at half a mill,

and I know Vinnie decided to

put the money up, thinking,

"Joe, he's not gonna screw me."

Wrong. He skips and, as of yesterday,

Morelli was holed up on the third floor

of the Gold Cup factory

with access to a borrowed car.

So now he's probably long gone.

- Proud of yourself?

- Very.

And I know he used a personal weapon.

Hydra-Shok with a.45.

Goes in like a BB out like a potato.

So, that's what I got.

- You're going after him, aren't you?

- Damn skippy.

This is Morelli's statement.

Merry Christmas and you're welcome.

That's Carmen Sanchez.

She's a working girl, mostly Stark Street.

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