One Night Page #2

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and you took it.

- You can't just

say you want space,

and then just use it against me.

- You know what, this is gonna

blow your mind right now,

but the whole universe

doesn't revolve around you.

- It doesn't?

- You know what,

I take that back.

Your ego definitely has

a gravitational pull.

- I say hi, I buy you a drink,

and then all of a sudden

the walls go up.

The great wall of Elizabeth.

I would have to say that

you, miss, are the worst.

- You're the worst.

- I'm the worst.

- You're the worst.

- All right, goodnight.

- You don't have all the

facts about what happened.

- This isn't about facts.

No, this is about feelings.

And my feeling right now

is somewhere between

nauseous and more nauseous.

- Listen, nauseous,

I have something

really cool to show you.

- Did you hear anything

that I just said?

- Yes, I know,

but I have something

really cool to show you.

- Come on.

- I'm not going anywhere.

- I'm gonna go do this

really cool thing by myself.

- I'm not gonna go over there.

- It's just over here.

I know it's really cool.

- Really?

- Yes, come on.

- Good luck, have fun.

- Come on, just follow me.

- Have a great night.

- It's, just, please

come with me, look.

- I'm not going

anywhere with you.

- I'm just gonna

walk into traffic.

- Oh, that might be

the smartest thing

that you have done all night.

Go for it, drew!

- Whoa!

- Do it, get hit by a car.

- I'm gonna get hit by a car.

- Do it, I dare you.

- If you don't come, that's it.

- Oh, you're so stupid.

- Yes, bon voyage, life.

- You should really be careful.

- Hey, hey, come on.

It's super cool, let's go.

- Let's go.

- Where?

- Just across the street.

Please come with me.

Please.

- Nice, let's go.

- I'm not running.

- Run, get on my back.

- Hey, drink up.

You're not gonna want

to remember any of this.

- What is this?

- I don't know.

- Stop looking at him.

Okay, he is a trainwreck,

just forget his ass

and come dance with me.

- I have to pee.

- Okay.

- Be back, okay?

- Fine.

- Whoa, where you going,

I thought you were

gonna be my wingman?

- I will, there's just

something I gotta do first.

- You're going to talk

to your girl crush, huh?

- No, it, it's nothing,

never mind.

- Go for it, man.

- Yeah?

- Yeah, come on.

Later.

- I'm using it.

- It's me.

- I said I'm using it.

- I said it's me.

- I'm coming.

What the hell, Andy,

what do you want?

- You're not using it.

What if someone died of

their bladder exploding?

- Well, that's

their problem then.

Hey, did you notice that that

room is like really small

and there are a lot of people,

and there's definitely

less air to breathe?

- Are you gonna, like,

spontaneously combust?

- It's a breathing exercise.

- Can I ask you something?

How come you talk to me like

we didn't ride our bikes

every day when we were eight?

- Because we're

not eight anymore.

- But you're still

the same girl.

- Ha, that's where

you're damn wrong.

You know, Dave

is kind of a loser.

He's got like the IQ

of a fat squirrel.

- Do you have a

problem with him?

- Yeah, he shoved me inside of

my own locker freshman year.

- That never happened.

- Maybe it did, maybe it didn't.

- It didn't.

It didn't.

- The point is, I don't

need some personal tragedy

to tell me that Dave Pierre's

a total douchebag.

- Well, I'm not

dating him anymore,

so it's not like it matters.

- It does matter, though,

because you dated

him at one point.

- Fyi, fat squirrels are

definitely smarter than Dave,

and I would know that

from personal experience.

- That's the Bea I know.

- Shut up.

- We should probably

go back out there.

- You're welcome to go.

- You're welcome to go.

Ladies first.

- You suck, this night.

Just absolutely hard.

- All right, go for it.

- Ah, how did you convince

them to let you in here?

- I told them that I needed

a really special place

to propose to my girlfriend.

- Ah, very clever.

- It's sad when they

close these places down.

It's like a ghost theatre.

Ghost people watching

ghost movies.

- Everything has its time.

One, two, three, four,

five, six,

seven.

That's my lucky number.

- It's not where you sit

but who you sit next to.

I remember that first summer.

I wanted to see the big Lebowski

but you insisted on

seeing buffalo 66.

- You told me you

loved that movie.

- I did.

- Oh, you were

so bent out of shape

because you wanted to

see the Coen brothers.

- You always wanted

to see these movies

that no one ever heard of.

- Well, I like underdogs.

- Or foreign films, like

- The best part was

sitting in the back row

and making up all the dialogue,

and you made everyone out

to be like, this mobster.

You were always

saying stuff like,

come here, little lady,

come shoot my Tommy gun.

And I was so busy putting

as many profane words

into their mouths as possible.

- Oh, profane is

an understatement.

- Well...

- Saving private Ryan,

three times.

There's that line where he

says to his wife, he says,

tell me I've lived a good life.

Tell me I'm a good guy.

Kills you.

I looked over at you

and you were just crying

the whole time.

- That's when you knew.

- That's when I knew what?

- That you wanted to kiss me.

- What about this one?

The five and a half hours

between here and Palo Alto.

All that time I spent

sitting in a car, waiting,

and all the time that

I spent not seeing you

versus the time

that I actually did.

- What you don't

remember but I do,

is that the minute

you came in the house,

you were so happy

that you made it

that you forgot everything else.

- Oh, no,

I just didn't want to

make you feel guilty

for making me drive up there.

- The happier the memory,

the more unlikely it is

that you'll remember it.

- Okay, you know,

you know,

I could tell you a story,

or you could tell me one,

or we could just

go our separate ways

and call it a night.

- Hey, you're in

yearbook, right?

- Yeah.

- What?

- Yeah, I am.

Can you take our picture?

- No.

- Come on, Mcfarley,

just take it.

- It's Mcfarland.

- Whatever, dude, just do it.

- Hey, I'm gonna go,

but thank you.

- We're just friends.

- Whatever, man.

She's not all that.

- You know, how about

I take your picture?

Just...

I just forgot, I didn't bring

the right film for douchebags.

- What?

- I said I didn't

bring the right film

to expose for douchebags.

- Dude, what happened!

- You're such a jerk, Dave!

- Take your girlfriend

and get out.

- Great.

- That was awesome.

- Ow.

- Does it hurt?

- It's not broken.

- Here.

Tilt your head back.

Does that feel better?

- Oh, it's great, thanks!

- Congratulations, you pissed

off everyone inside there.

- F***.

It's true, he's an a**hole,

who cares?

Screw all over them.

- Well, I'm sorry, some of us

aren't going to Palo Alto.

Some of us are stuck here

with those a**holes

for all of eternity because

some of us didn't get in

to Stanford or an

out of state school,

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