Only Human Page #3

There's a duck in the bidet.

Tomorrow you'll get pregnant again.

- I already am.

- You can't. You're a virgin.

- Teach the girl dirty words.

- Who's a virgin?

- What's a virgin?

- Shall I tell her?

- Yes.

- No!

David knows.

It's the opposite of your mother.

- Mom!

- Leave your brother alone.

- Dudu, Dudu.

- What is it?

What's a virgin?

Your great-grandmother was a virgin.

- And was she pregnant?

- Three times.

I hate you. Liar.

Liar. I hate you, I hate you.

It's always the same.

Are you going to let her hit you?

Liar, liar.

Go to bed. Go to bed!

You're not pregnant.

It's a cushion.

Leave her alone! Leave her!

Don't yell at her.

Mom, let her go. Let her go.

You're hurting her.

Let's be peaceful.

- You're hurting her.

- I'm not killing anybody.

You're hurting her, Mom.

Don't yell at her!

It's a cushion. It's a cushion!

It's all right.

Are you happy?

You ruined her game.

It's a twisted game.

It's not healthy.

You should have continued

with your piano lessons.

Let's go, Paula.

Don't tell me

you're leaving again.

No, I was cold.

That was a really great summer.

- We got along so well.

- Your husband?

I wish. The husband

of my friend Perla Fishman.

Excuse me.

I'm telling you,

she's not well.

We're going to have to

send her away.

I'm not surprised

Dad is having an affair.

- He's having an affair?

- It's obvious.

How do you know?

He comes home very late

and not a single sale.

- Dad wouldn't cheat.

- What does he do all night?

Houses of cards.

I forgot all about that phase.

It was very wise of you

to leave this house.

Yes. But I miss you.

It's better than having

infantilism like David and I.

Why don't you leave?

Without a penny?

I'm too much of a coward.

I'm famous too.

- Dominical Restaurant.

- Great.

I ended up in a threesome

with the journalist

and the photographer.

I still have the hickeys.

Mom wants me to talk to you.

About what?

She says you sleep

with total strangers.

Who does she want me

to sleep with?

- With someone who loves you.

- I don't need that.

- We all need that.

- So you love each other?

Sure.

What?

It's obvious that

you want to create a fuss.

- Why do say that?

- First of all, he's ugly.

- Ugly.

- He's not handsome.

He is, but you don't see it.

Besides, handsome guys are a bore.

- Not in bed.

- Especially in bed.

See? He's not handsome,

so you're sleeping with the enemy.

I admit it. I cover myself

with Israel's flag,

and he stones me.

It's nice to have a man

in the kitchen.

- Do you like cooking?

- What?

Do you like cooking?

I wanted to ask you something...

- Blood.

- Where?

- Here.

- I must have cut myself.

If there's blood in the soup,

we'll have to throw it away.

It's impossible.

Maybe it went from your apron

to the saucepan.

- Flying?

- No. Through your hand.

- Good. My blood has iron.

- But it's not kosher.

Is your mother a pig?

You promised to make

something I could eat.

Fine.

You can't even think

in this kitchen.

I must examine the fish now.

Then put it right there

in the dish.

You wanted to ask me something.

I was wondering if Leni

takes after you or her father.

Her father. So you have

nothing to worry about.

Is he bald?

Why? Is Leni's hair falling?

No.

Are you afraid

it's going to fall?

No, no. I wouldn't mind.

I'd still love her.

My husband has been bald

since he was 27.

My son is the only one

that should be worried.

This piece is mine.

What are you doing?

I was hot.

I thought you were cold.

If you're hot,

take off your jacket.

Defend yourself, Einstein.

- What was that?

- 'Good night' in Hebrew.

You go.

David. Get out of there.

Can you keep a secret?

- Mom!

- Leave your brother alone.

I told you not to bother my kid

with your religious crap.

Don't touch me.

You could be menstruating.

Repeat after me,

'God doesn't exist'.

'I believe in him because

I haven't touched a tit'.

Atheism is the luxury

of the bourgeoisie.

What's up?

Come and help me

bring the soup.

You're asphyxiating him.

The Messiah will resuscitate

the martyrs.

- You're a chicken.

- You are.

Yeah? Kill me right now.

Don't tempt me. Let's eat!

- Where do we sit?

- Wherever you want to.

Leni, could you show me

what you showed me earlier?

Sure.

- What did you show him?

- None of your business.

- You can't act like that...

- I think...

- Sorry, Dudu.

- What's wrong with you?

Nothing.

Then stop the nonsense.

The food is getting cold.

- Don't you like soup?

- He's not feeling well.

He might have a fever.

Feel his forehead.

It's hot.

It's just like mine.

It must be the food we ate

in the plane.

Have some.

It'll be good for you.

- He doesn't want to.

- Let him try some.

Mom.

It won't kill him.

I spent all Sunday making it.

How is it? Good?

See? Eat up.

- Not if you don't want to.

- Don't listen to her.

It's a little hot.

I'm going to see if...

What's a duck doing

in the bathroom?

He was dying in the park.

- He was run over by a car.

- How do you know?

I saw the tracks.

Leni says you're going to live

in Barcelona.

- Yes.

- Are you a regular professor?

- Yes, I am.

- Great.

Do you have an apartment?

You can't speak about work

or money during Sabbath.

It's a day of introspection.

- We'll say whatever we want.

- You can't be bourgeois.

Who's a bourgeois?

Look at our bank account.

You are in comparison

to third-world people.

Then go help the third world.

What can we talk about?

- No, please.

- I'm interested.

We talk about the weekly

chapter of the Torah.

What's it about this week?

Rebecca is pregnant

with twins,

and she can feel them

fighting inside of her.

Poor woman.

The Talmud asks if

the human being is good or bad.

- You're studying the Talmud?

- Yes.

He suspended the selectivity

for the third time, right?

The rabbis believe

that the concept is wrong.

Only an action

can be good or bad.

If more than 50 percent

of what you do is good,

then you are good and vice versa.

Do you find it interesting?

- Yes.

- You're lying.

If he says it's interesting,

it's interesting.

- What does the Koran say?

- Why the Koran?

There is no racism

in this house. Go on.

It says that the human being

was created impatient,

ignorant

and basically restless.

When we're born we're

neither saints nor sinners,

but we have the potential

to be good.

I think we are good but

then our parents screw us up.

Don't look for excuses.

Mohammed is right.

- Children have to be educated.

- Too much education is bad.

Then they end up abandoning

ducks in the park.

- Maybe they had a reason.

- The reason is not important.

- Yes, it is.

- Excuse me.

The action matters.

They abandoned the duck.

No, they didn't.

- Do you need anything?

- No, thanks.

I'm changing my shoes.

Why?

They're too small.

Squirrels don't eat ducks,

they eat acorns.

They are guilty anyway.

- They're not guilty.

- Why do you get upset?

- I'm not upset.

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