Only You

---

...one to screw it in,

one to pass the bar.

She is unbelievable.

Here you go, AI. Merry Christmas.

Thanks a lot, Mr. Ross.

- Bert?

- Are those real?

Thank you, Mr. Ross.

You're drooling on my

future wife there, fellas.

Why, thank you, too, Cliff.

You really know how to

f*** up a guy's holiday.

If my wife looked like that,

I'd stay home every night.

If your wife looked like

that, she'd dump you.

Is that a candy cane in Santa's pocket?

It was her idea, the whole

Christmas card thing.

It's nice, isn't it?

Somebody get Hallmark. I'm

gonna make a fortune off this.

Hey, Cliff, does she have a sister?

I think she's an only child, AI.

- Clifford?

- Sir?

A little holiday appreciation.

Something extra. Keep it quiet.

Oh, sir, that's very generous, thank you.

Oh, they love your '70s theme.

Especially all those little lava lamps.

Oh.

You know, Clifford, it's

inventive minds like yours

that helped build this company

and shape the destiny

of our great nation.

Sir, we design dollhouse accessories.

Don't you ever, ever be modest.

Merry Christmas, son.

Excuse me, did you lose something?

Hey, buddy. I don't think so.

Oh, there she... isn't she something?

Oh, yeah.

When are you gonna learn that

there's just no future in flash?

- Future, you want future?

- Yeah.

I'll give you future.

24 hours in the future,

Tammy and I are going to be sitting

on the beach in a tropical paradise

plotting the next 50 years of our life.

- No, no, no.

- Now, that's future.

You know why that's not future?

- Why?

- Because I'm gonna tell you why.

Because flash doesn't last for 50 years.

You know what you need?

You need substance.

You really... substance...

Trust me on this.

I'm gonna find you substance.

I'm really good at this.

Let's just look for substance.

Sue Ellen from marketing.

She's got great legs and a

pension and health plan.

Okay, she's perfect for you.

Look, I am involved, buddy.

- Just an introduction.

- I don't need an introduction.

I found what I want.

Stop trying to fix me up, okay?

- Okay.

- I mean it.

Okay.

- Betty, you know Clifford?

- Mm-hmm?

Merry Christmas.

Hello? Hi, Linda? It's Cliff.

Oh, hi, Cliff. How's it going?

Great, great, Merry Christmas.

- Is Tammy around?

- No, I'm sorry, she's not here.

Okay, listen, will you tell her

the flight leaves at midnight?

She knows that, but I'll

pick her up at 10:00, okay?

Uh, Cliff, how do you want it?

Fast and hard? Slow and easy?

Standing up? Sitting down?

What?

She's gone, but there's

a note here for you, though.

I'll read it, "Dear Cliff",

sorry I can't make it. Something came up.

Have a good time.

"Call me when you get back. Love, Tammy."

Have a good... that's it?

I mean, there's nothing

about a relative dying,

a mother needing a kidney transplant?

Nothing?

What? No.

Her mother's as healthy as a horse.

Thanks, Julie.

Bye.

Hey, buddy. I've been looking for you.

Hey, I have this great idea.

You'll never guess...

This is... it's unbelievable.

I'm talking to Frank,

right, and it comes to me.

It's so... it's so simple.

You know what it is? Sheer, sheer genius.

Dollhouse landscaping.

Dollhouse landscaping,

isn't that unbelievable?

Look, we get teeny-weeny weeping willows,

we get little koi ponds.

We can even throw in some

live guppies for effect.

- What's the matter?

- Trip's off.

Tammy cancelled.

I'm not gonna say, "I told you so."

Good.

- I told ya so.

- I don't wanna hear it, Marty.

You know, it's your own fault,

your tunnel vision. You know that.

You know, Marty,

we're talking about spending

the rest of our lives with someone.

Why can't it be the person I want?

Why do I have to settle for less?

Well, I'll tell you why.

Because guys like us...

Look, guys like us don't end

up with girls like that.

Why not? Is that written down somewhere?

Is that a rule?

Why not? Tell me, why not?

You know what you need?

You know what you need?

You need someone you can trust.

You need somebody who's dependable.

If I want dependable, I'll marry a Volvo.

That's funny.

10 minutes ago,

I had two tickets to paradise.

Now I got nothing.

I'm sorry.

What the hell?

What do you want me to do?

You want me to hold ya?

You're scaring me, Marty. Go home.

Well, what are you gonna do?

Look, you have a wife and a

beautiful daughter waiting for you.

It's Christmas Eve,

go on home. I'll be fine.

- What are you gonna do?

- I'll be fine.

All right.

Merry Christmas.

Ho-ho-ho.

Merry Christmas.

Ho-ho-ho.

- Hello, fat man.

- Merry Christmas.

We're in a hurry.

I'm sorry, could you hold, please?

It'll be just another minute, Mrs. Stein.

Excuse me, who can I see

about getting a refund

- on some tickets, please?

- I'm sorry, could you hold?

I'll be right with you.

All right, everything's okay, Mrs. Stein.

Your seats are confirmed.

The kosher meal is a veal chop.

Meat gives Walter gas.

- Okay.

- Is there someone else here I could see?

I'm sorry, it's just me.

I'll be with you in a minute.

How about the vegetarian plate?

Vegetarian plate.

But no broccoli.

Sunray Tours. How may I put a

sunray smile on your face?

- Broccoli gives Walter diarrhea.

- I'm sorry.

And he likes the window seat.

That's nice. If I could just

get a quick credit here.

I'm sorry, could you hold, please?

I'll be right with you just as soon as

I've finished with these people.

Okay, Mrs. Stein. You're all set.

Okay? Great.

These are smoking section.

Walter has emphysema.

Jesus, Walter.

Can you hold, please?

I'll get you nonsmoking.

Look, Mrs. Stein, you and Walter

have a lot to work out here.

If I could just get a quick

refund on these tickets, okay?

- Thank you.

- Sure.

Um... oh, I'm sorry.

It says these tickets are

nonrefundable, Mr. Godfrey.

Yes, I know, but it's an emergency.

No, I'm sorry. There's nothing I can do.

Are you telling me

I can't get my money back?

What's the matter,

you don't speak English?

She said no refunds.

Just hold on a sec, lady.

Look, when I bought these

tickets, I had a dream, okay?

Is it a long dream?

It was a romantic getaway for two.

That's what the ad said... two.

Not one, two, okay?

I mean, here, look at her.

Look at that. Look at her.

- She's very beautiful.

- Yeah, she dumped me, okay?

- Smart move.

- Stuff it.

Look, she's not going,

trip's off, she dumped me.

I want the money back.

It's as simple as that.

- It's company policy...

- I want my tickets to Shreveport.

- Here you are, Mrs. Stein.

- Look, I'm out three grand here.

I'll give you five for the picture.

- What is wrong with you?

- It doesn't say about the broccoli.

If Walter's not eating the broccoli,

I'm not eating these tickets.

If everybody will just give me a minute...

I want a refund.

It is a medical emergency.

A broken heart is not a medical

emergency, Mr. Godfrey.

These tickets are to Helsinki.

I'm warning you, lady. And you have

obviously never been in love, baby.

My personal life is none

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