Open Season

Now, that's a roar, Boog.

Now get in. We're gonna be late.

No denying. The girl's got growl.

But can she get down like this?

Can you get down like this?

Bring it here. Bring it.

Then bring it right back, huh?

Look at that. Look at that.

Here it comes.

Hey, Gordy.

Morning, Beth.

Open Season.

Welcome to Timberline's

Wilderness Extravaganza.

I'm Ranger Beth.

Please, put your hands together

for Boog.

Behold, the mighty grizzly.

You can say I'm in love

You could say I'm insane

But no one understands me

Like my darling Lorraine

Looks like you're going

from one grill to another.

We rocked that house,

didn't we, Boog?

They were eating out of our hands.

Well, my hands, your paws.

Eating out of your paw.

That's good.

That's going in the show.

Shaw.

That guy really chaps my khakis.

You wait here, Boog.

- Cuff him, Gordy.

- Oh, the Girl Scouts are here.

He's at it again.

Shaw, hunting season doesn't start

for three days.

What are you doing

with that buck on your hood?

What? It ain't my fault.

He ran right in front of my truck.

Where, on the interstate?

Sort of.

Where is that girl?

That's nasty.

What? What the--?

What's going on? Where am I?

I saw a bright light and--

I saw two bright lights and...

- Am I dead?

- Not yet.

But seeing how

that is Shaw's truck--

- What's a Shaw?

- Only the nastiest hunter in town.

A hunter? Did he get you too?

You don't see me tied up,

do you, baby?

- This is my ride.

- Your ride?

Yeah, this is my town, okay?

These are my people.

This is where I reside.

Nobody's hunting this bear.

Really? Well, then untie me.

Please? Look, no one's looking.

- Ain't gonna be able to do it.

- What am I gonna do?

I don't wanna be mounted on a wall.

- Calm down. Ain't gonna happen.

- It's not?

- Not with that rack.

- I don't have a problem with--

My... It's...

I'm a unihorn. Don't look at me.

Don't look at me.

I'm hideous. I'm a monster.

- Tree-hugger.

- Knuckle dragger.

- Tree-hugger.

- Knuckle dragger.

Veggieburger.

All right, all right.

That's enough, you two.

Listen, Girl Scout,

they're dumb animals.

I'm just respecting the natural order:

man on top, animals on the bottom.

But your bear--

Now, now, your bear is special.

He belongs somewhere

in the middle.

Between two slices of rye,

smothered in gravy.

You're a sick, sick,

twisted puppy, Shaw.

Put me down for a box of Thin Mints,

will you, sweetie?

Six-toed gun monkey.

Boog, come on, let's get out of here.

Come on, I'm begging you.

Please, please. Just untie me.

Come on. Please, please, please?

Hey, go on now. Scamper on

back to the woods, little buddy.

Little one-horned freak.

Buddy? He called me "buddy."

My buck.

My truck. Why, you little--

Shaw, no shooting in town.

But, Gordy, that bear leaned over

and untied my buck.

- Didn't you see that?

- All I see is a busted headlight.

Shaw, you've been living

in the woods too long.

They can't tell me what I seen,

because only I know what I seen.

Wheel of Fortune!

Big money got to come. Come on.

- Okay, buddy, time for bed.

- Five hundred--

- There's no R--

- Boog.

Mr. Dinkleman's waiting.

Good night, big guy.

Oh, did I forget something?

No, no, no. No more treats for you.

No, stop it.

Not the face.

Oh, no, not the eyebrows too.

No, it's not gonna work this time.

Stop it. I'm serious, Boog.

It's cute, but no-- All right.

If you go out in the woods today

You're sure of a big surprise

If you go out in the woods today

You'd better go in disguise

For every bear

That ever there was

Will gather there together because

Today's the day

The teddy bears have their picnic

Good night, Boog.

Who's there?

I'm warning you. I got ten claws

and I ain't afraid to use them.

- Hey, buddy. It's me, Elliot.

- What are you doing here?

You helped me,

I'm returning the favor.

I'm busting you out of here.

Let's go. Let's do this.

Come on. Let's book it before

the warden makes her rounds.

No, cornflake.

You've got it all twisted.

- This here is my home.

- Sweet.

Now haul your little butt

back out that window.

- What's this?

- Get off of that.

So soft. What is that?

What are you doing in there?

This place is big enough for two.

- What?

- Wow, look at that.

Does this look natural?

- Give me that.

- Oh, who's this little guy?

- Dinkleman.

- Dinkleman?

Is Dinkleman your doll?

I don't care about that old thing.

Oh, I get it. You're like a pet.

- I ain't nobody's pet.

- Right.

I do what I want, when I want,

and I come and go as I please.

Well, then let's go.

Outside?

Why would I wanna go outside

when I got all I need in...

Whoa, what's that?

I call them Woo Hoos, like:

You want one?

I know where there's a bunch of them,

but you gotta go...

...outside.

Inside. Outside.

- Inside. Outside.

- Stop it.

- Stupid nose.

- Inside. Outsi--

Okay, I got that Woo Hoo right out of

one of those container doohickeys.

You got that out the garbage?

I had that in my mouth

and everything.

Dude, you're freaking me out

with that nose thing.

- Whoa.

- What is it?

- It's a whole Woo Hoo village.

- Sweet.

It's locked. Maybe we should

come back tomorrow.

Hey.

Elliot, look what you... You did.

You gonna get us in some trouble.

The Woo Hoo bar.

She's my lady. Smooth and creamy.

So bad, I shouldn't. Yet I will.

What is that?

Whoa, let me try.

Boog. Boog?

- Hello, idiot.

- It's "Elliot."

I come in peace.

I'm foraging.

Pepperoni!

- All right. Yeah, there it is. Let's go.

- Boog, party's over, let's go.

- All right, yeah, there it is.

- Freeze.

Behold, the mighty grizzly.

Good night.

If you go out in the woods today

There's gonna be some fries

Yeah, and the giraffes...

...they taste almost exactly

like the elephants.

That's messed up.

Hey, Gordy.

Back up quick, before she sees me.

You're in big trouble, mister.

You know what sugar does

to you, Boog.

Straight to bed, now!

I'm so sorry. It's my fault.

It won't happen again.

- What if he had hurt someone?

- Gordy, please.

- We're talking about Boog here.

- Hey, what are you looking at?

I told you not to wait up.

- I'll take him back to the woods.

- It's time to put him where he belongs.

No, no, he's not ready to go back yet.

I mean, it's not my fault.

I tried to teach him the basics.

I took him fishing,

but he didn't wanna get wet.

Gordy, please--

Boog is sorry.

- Beth, you're not his mother.

- I'm not mothering him.

Excuse me. Go to bed, Boog!

One more summer.

That's all I'm asking,

one summer.

Great, see? I can be reasonable.

Thanks.

You know something?

The longer you wait, the harder

it's gonna be for him to adapt.

Oh, I'm sure he'll...

At least I think he'll--

And the harder it's gonna be

for you to let him go.

Good night, Beth.

What am I gonna do with you?

This isn't decaf. You know

what caffeine does to me, Bob.

I'd be talking up a storm,

chatting your ear off...

...a mile a minute

for the whole ride.

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