Operation Cupcake Page #3

FLOUR AND WATER?

[scoffs]

AND WHAT, THE MONA LISA

IS JUST PAINT ON A CANVAS?

TECHNICALLY, YES.

ARE YOU TELLING ME

HOW TO BAKE?

BECAUSE I'VE BEEN DOING THIS

FOR 27 YEARS.

YOU'VE BEEN HERE 27 MINUTES.

YOU'RE IN MY WORLD NOW.

I'M JUST TRYING

TO MAKE THIS OPERATION

A LITTLE MORE EFFICIENT.

OKAY.

YOU SEE THIS?

THAT IS YOUR LINE IN THE SAND.

YOU STAY ON THAT SIDE,

AND WE WON'T HAVE ANY PROBLEMS.

YOU GOT A CUSTOMER.

HMM.

CARSON,

I HEARD YOU WERE BACK.

HEY, HARLEY,

HOW YOU DOING?

HOW ARE YOU, MAN?

YEAH, THAT'S A NICE COLOR

ON YOU.

OH, YEAH.

HOW'D YOU GET ROPED

INTO THIS?

I GOT DRAFTED, OR I ENLISTED.

I DON'T KNOW.

I HAVEN'T SEEN YOU

SINCE THE FORT BENNING DAYS.

[laughs]

YEAH.

YOU'RE LOOKING GOOD,

BROTHER.

THANK YOU.

YOU TOO.

YOU KNOW,

I'VE BEEN OUT SEVEN YEARS NOW.

I GOT THE HARDWARE STORE

OVER ON PINE.

HEY, THAT'S GREAT.

IT IS NOW.

AT FIRST, THOUGH, I DON'T KNOW,

I FELT LIKE A STRANGER

IN MY OWN LIFE.

- YEAH, I KNOW WHAT YOU MEAN.

- IT GETS EASIER.

SO YOU FINALLY DECIDED

TO RETIRE?

WELL, STILL DECIDING.

ACTUALLY, I'M UP FOR GENERAL.

GENERAL?

WOW.

CONGRATS, SIR.

THANK YOU.

I DON'T THINK I'VE EVER SEEN

A GENERAL IN A HAIRNET.

- OH.

- [chuckling]

CAN I GET YOU SOMETHING?

YEAH. HOW ABOUT AN APPLE CRISP

AND A COFFEE?

COMING RIGHT UP.

SO, DAD, I HEARD YOU HAD

TO WEAR AN APRON.

AND A HAIRNET.

HARSH.

HEY, YOU WANT TO KNOW

WHAT'S REALLY HARSH?

- WHAT?

- NO, NO, NO, NO, NO.

THE BOSS WOULDN'T TRUST ME

TO BE ALONE WITH THE CAKES.

OH, IT WAS YOUR FIRST DAY.

I'LL TRUST YOU TOMORROW.

HERE, LOOK.

HERE.

KIM, DINNER.

[laughs]

RIGHT?

THAT'S CLASSIFIED.

DELETE THAT.

OH, WELL, SHE'LL JUST TAKE

ANOTHER ONE TOMORROW.

- [chuckles]

- AND BY HER, YOU MEAN SHEILA?

I'M AFRAID SHE SEN A MASS EMAIL.

THAT WOMAN:

HAS A PERSONALITY PROBLEM.

WELL, YOU'LL GET USED

TO HER.

DO I HAVE TO?

FOR TOMORROW NIGHT.

WHAT DO YOU THINK?

YOU LOOK REALLY PRETTY,

HONEY.

WHAT'S TOMORROW NIGHT?

I'M GOING OUT.

I TOLD YOU.

3.4 GPA, NO TATTOOS,

NO EARRINGS?

11:
00 P.M. CURFEW,

GROUP DATE ONLY,

AND I WANT TO MEET HIM.

YOU SAID WHEN I WAS 16

I COULD GO OUT ALONE.

I MEANT 17.

THAT'S NOT FAIR.

MOM?

UH, YUP.

UH, YEAH, WE SAID 16.

I JUST DIDN'T THINK

IT WOULD GET HERE THAT QUICK.

OLLIE, COME ON.

[knock at door]

GET UP.

REMEMBER:

WHEN YOU WERE LITTLE,

WE USED TO RUN:

THE OBSTACLE COURSE ON BASE?

- I DID?

- YEAH.

THREE DAYS A WEEK,

RAIN OR SHINE.

HOW COME WE STOPPED

LIVING ON BASE?

WELL, I GOT TRANSFERRED

TO GERMANY.

YOUR MOTHER AND I DECIDED

WE DIDN'T WAN TO UPROOT YOU GUYS ANYMORE.

- WHY?

- WELL, YOU HAD FRIENDS,

YOU HAD SCHOOL.

WE WANTED YOU GUYS TO HAVE

AS NORMAL AN UPBRINGING

AS POSSIBLE.

NORMAL'S OVERRATED.

AND GROWING UP AN ARMY BRA CAN BE TOUGH.

I SHOULD KNOW.

IT'S JUST THAT I WISH

YOU'D BEEN AROUND MORE.

ME TOO, BUDDY.

I'VE BEEN WAITING

FOR TEN MINUTES.

THE USUAL, PLEASE!

- COME ON.

- LET'S GO.

WHERE'S JANET?

IT'S JUST ME TODAY.

SHE LEFT YOU ALONE

ON FRIDAY RUSH?

IT'S A CUPCAKE STORE.

I THINK I CAN HANDLE IT.

OKAY.

GOOD MORNING,

LADIES.

THAT MUST BE THE HUSBAND.

WHERE'S HIS APRON?

UH-HUH.

GOOD MORNING.

OOPS.

WHAT CAN I GET YOU LADIES?

TWO DECAF,

TWO ANGEL FOOD.

TWO DECAF, TWO ANGEL.

UH, JANET GIVES US

THE DECAF FOR FREE.

OKAY.

JANET BRINGS OUR ORDER

TO THE TABLE.

HA. OF COURSE.

APPARENTLY, NICKELS

AREN'T GOOD ENOUGH FOR HIM.

ALL RIGHT,

HERE, COME ON.

- AND TAKE SOME MORE--

- HURRY UP. OPEN YOUR PURSE.

YEAH, ALL RIGHT.

IT'S OPEN.

ALL RIGHT,

ALL RIGHT, ALL RIGHT.

OPEN IT HARDER.

I CAN'T GET EVERY--

I CAN'T GET THE SWEETENER

IN THERE.

I'M DOING THE BEST I CAN.

DON'T MAKE ME NERVOUS,

PLEASE.

I'M NOT TRYING

TO MAKE YOU NERVOUS.

- I JUST WANNA--

- JUST FILL UP THE THING.

YOUR HUSBAND NEEDS THIS.

WELL, MY HUSBAND

NEEDS A LOT OF THINGS.

- WHAT IS HE DOING?

- WELL, I DON'T KNOW.

HE LOOKS:

SO OUT OF HIS ELEMENT.

THIS IS:

A FISH-OUT-OF-WATER COMEDY.

HE CAN'T EVEN READ.

WHAT IS GOING ON?

WHY DOESN'T HE USE

THOSE-- OH.

OH, I DON'T BELIEVE IT.

HE SHOULD NOT BE WEARING

THOSE GLASSES.

THOSE ARE HIDEOUS.

- OH, HE'S A FASHION DISASTER.

- OH, HE IS.

OKAY, LADIES.

TWO COFFEES,

AND TWO ANGEL FOODS.

OH.

THIS IS NOT DECAF.

I'M SURE IT IS DECAF,

MA'AM.

WE'LL HAVE HOT WATER

WITH LEMON.

OF COURSE.

I HOPE THESE ARE BETTER.

WHAT'S GOING ON

WITH JANET?

I SWEAR, I DON'T KNOW

WHAT SHE-- THIS IS RIDICULOUS.

CAN I GE A LITTLE HELP HERE?

RIGHT THERE.

EXCUSE ME. HI.

CAN I HAVE TWO HOT FLAN?

- WHOA.

- I WAS FIRST.

CHOCOLATE MOUSSE.

[overlapping arguing]

HELLO?

I'M SORRY. I'M SORRY.

WHO WAS FIRST?

EXCUSE ME.

CAN I GET TWO HOT FLAN, PLEASE?

- WHOA, EXCUSE ME.

- I WAS FIRST.

- CHOCOLATE MOUSSE.

- WAIT. WAIT, WAIT, WAIT.

- WAIT ONE SECOND.

- ARE YOU SERIOUS?

[overlapping arguing]

[cell phone rings]

I DON'T WANNA ARGUE WITH YOU,

LADIES.

THAT DOES NOT MEAN ANYTHING.

LISTEN, I WAS HERE FIRST.

I HAVE TO GO TO WORK.

NO, NO,

IT DOES MEAN SOMETHING.

IT DOES NOT MEAN ANYTHING.

BECAUSE I COME HERE

ALL THE TIME.

THIS IS CARSON, SIR.

I JUST WANTED TO GIVE YOU

A HEADS UP.

THE PROMOTIONS BOARD IS

REVIEWING YOUR FILE THIS WEEK.

THAT'S EXCELLENT, SIR.

EVERYTHING ALL RIGH OVER THERE?

YEAH, YES, SIR.

SORRY, SIR.

I'M JUST HELPING OUT THE WIFE

AT HER SHOP, SIR.

GET BACK TO IT.

I'LL BE IN TOUCH.

- THANK YOU, SIR.

- [chuckles]

[overlapping arguing continues]

OKAY.

SO WHO HAD THE HOT FLASHES?

- THAT'S YOU, RIGHT?

- HOT FL-- EXCUSE ME?

AND YOU'RE THE MOUSSE?

- WHAT DID YOU CALL ME?

- OUT OF LINE.

- WHAT?

- OH, LOOK, YOU KNOW WHAT?

I'M-- NO, YOU DIDN'T.

I'M NOT COMING BACK.

I'M DONE.

NO. WHAT?

WHAT?

NO, MA'AM,

NO, I DIDN'T, I DIDN'T--

HELLO? HELLO?

HI, COFFEE, PLEASE.

TO GO.

YES, MA'AM, ABSOLUTELY.

OKAY, NO.

NO HOT WATER.

EXCUSE ME.

I WAS FIRST.

CHOCOLATE MOUSSE.

WAIT A SECOND.

NO.

NO, YOU WERE NOT FIRST.

TWO WATERS WITH LEMON.

COME ON.

RIGHT AWAY.

I'M SO SORRY. ONE SECOND.

SHEILA, COULD I GET A HAND

OUT HERE, PLEASE?

I'VE BEEN WAITING FOREVER.

- ARE YOU TOTALLY INEPT?

- EXCUSE ME?

JUST FILL THE ORDER,

YOU LOSER.

ALL RIGHT, THAT'S IT.

THEN GET PHIL ON THE PHONE.

A DOZEN BUTTERMILK TO GO.

YES, OF COURSE.

BUTTERMILK. YOU GOT IT.

- THE COFFEE, PLEASE. FIRST.

- YES, MA'AM.

- TO GO.

- TO GO? OH, YEAH, OF COURSE.

NOT TO GO FOR YOU,

BUT, YES, TO GO FOR YOU.

RIGHT, I GOT IT.

AND TWO WATERS WITH--

THE HOT WATER WITH LEMON.

DO YOU REMEMBER THAT FINALLY?

THANK YOU.

OKAY.

ONE MOMENT.

ONE SECOND.

BE RIGHT WITH YOU.

[woman gasps]

I'M SO SORRY.

I WANT MY FLAN.

[cup breaks]

HI, HONEY.

SORRY.

[whimpers]

SO, DAD, MOM GAVE YOU

THE OLD AX, EH?

NO.

YOUR DAD AND I DECIDED

THAT IT WOULD BE BES IF HIS TIME WAS SPENT ELSEWHERE.

[laughs]

[doorbell rings]

WHOA, WHOA, WHOA.

[clears throat]

DAD, THIS IS RAY.

GOOD TO MEET YOU.

I MEAN,

UNDER NORMAL CIRCUMSTANCES,

MISTER-- COLONEL, SIR.

WAIT,

WHEN DID YOU TWO MEET?

SO YOU'RE INTERESTED

IN MY DAUGHTER?

DAD, PLEASE.

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