Operation Cupcake Page #5

THAT'S HOW YOU BECOME

A DEFENSIVE DRIVER.

- OKAY.

- OKAY. NOW...

WOW, THIS REALLY IS NICE,

ISN'T IT?

- YEAH.

- OKAY.

NOW, WHAT YOU DO IS YOU TAKE

THAT KEY THINGY...

- UH-HUH.

- YOU STICK I INSIDE THAT LITTLE SLOT,

RIGHT?

NOW PUT IT INTO DRIVE.

- PUT YOUR BLINKER ON.

- I DID, I DID, I DID.

OKAY.

NOW, CALMLY GO TEN AND TWO.

YOU PULL OUT NICE AND EASY.

THERE YOU GO, HONEY.

[typing]

[murmurs]

[printer whirring]

WHAT ARE YOU DOING?

ARE YOU GONNA COME TO BED?

YEAH, HONEY,

I'LL BE RIGHT THERE.

OKAY.

[printer whirring]

MAPLE BACON CUPCAKES

ARE OUR NEW MORNING CUPCAKES.

WE ARE NOW OPEN EVERY

SINGLE MORNING AT 7:00 A.M.

COME ON INSIDE.

IF YOU LIKE THOSE,

WE GOT PLENTY MORE INSIDE.

ABSOLUTELY, HERE YOU ARE.

FREE CUP OF COFFEE WITH

EVERY SINGLE CUPCAKE PURCHASED.

THANK YOU, SIR.

THERE YOU ARE, MA'AM.

HERE, SIR.

MAPLE BACON,

ONE OF OUR MANY, MANY FLAVORS.

THANK YOU VERY MUCH.

THERE YOU ARE.

WE'RE OPEN EVERY MORNING

FROM 7:
00 A.M.

THANK YOU, SIR.

YOU'RE STARTING A WAR,

YOU KNOW.

SHEILA, WHY DON'T YOU GO

INSIDE AND HAVE A LATTE?

I'M LACTOSE INTOLERANT.

OR MAYBE JUST INTOLERANT.

I HEARD THAT.

[chuckles]

HERE,

TRY OUR MAPLE BACON CUPCAKES.

WE'RE OPEN

EVERY SINGLE MORNING.

THANK YOU.

AND HERE WE ARE.

HALF A DOZEN:

I'M A FAN OF BANANAS.

THANK YOU VERY MUCH.

NEXT, PLEASE.

I KNOW.

HONESTLY, SHE'S SO DELUSIONAL

IF SHE THINKS SHE'S GOING

OVER THE EXACT SAME--

NO TALKING ON THE CELL PHONE,

PLEASE.

I'M JUST GOING

TO REVOKE HER INVITATION.

I KNOW.

I KNOW.

THAT'S WHAT I TOLD HER--

EXCUSE ME.

BUT THAT'S NOT HAPPENING.

YEAH, I KNOW, RIGHT?

- YEAH, UNLESS YOU WERE--

- LADIES, I'M GONNA HAVE

TO ASK YOU TO EMPTY OU YOUR PURSES, PLEASE.

I BEG YOUR PARDON?

THE BAGS.

OPEN THEM UP.

WHAT ARE YOU SUGGESTING?

I'M SUGGESTING

THAT YOU'RE STEALING

ALL OF MY SUGAR.

I MEAN, HOW MUCH SUGAR

CAN ONE PERSON REALLY NEED?

HOW DARE YOU?

I DON'T LIKE YOUR TONE.

PLEASE OPEN THE BAGS.

- CERTAINLY NOT.

- NO.

WE'RE ON A FIXED INCOME.

YOU DON'T PAY ANYTHING

FOR THIS STUFF.

- PLEASE OPEN THEM UP.

- I'M NOT GONNA TAKE ANYMORE.

- WE'RE OUT OF HERE.

- LET'S GO. BYE.

- LIKE SHE SAYS.

- THIS IS LAST TIME

I'M EVER COMING IN HERE.

ABSOLUTELY.

NEVER AGAIN.

EXCUSE ME.

YEAH.

THAT'S LIKE--

NO CELL PHONES, PLEASE.

BUYING THE EXACT SAME DRESS.

I KNOW.

THAT'S WHAT I TOLD HER,

AND I TOLD MY MOM...

- EXCUSE ME.

- YEAH.

- EXCUSE ME.

- YEAH, TOTALLY.

THAT SIGN BACK THERE.

- ONE SECOND.

- NO TALKING ON THE CELL PHONE.

SORRY. EXCUSE ME,

BUT MY FATHER'S THE MAYOR.

- YOUR FATHER'S THE MAYOR?

- THAT'S RIGHT.

MY FATHER FOUGHT THE VIET CONG

FOR SIX YEARS.

HIS FATHER WENT M.I.A.

IN WORLD WAR II.

THEY SACRIFICED:

FOR YOUR RIGH TO TALK ON THE PHONE,

JUST NOT IN THIS STORE.

I HAVE NO IDEA:

WHAT YOU JUST SAID,

BUT MY SWEET 16 ORDER,

CANCEL IT.

OKAY, YOU HAVE NO IDEA

HOW CRAZY THIS GUY IS.

CANCELLED.

PHONE TALKER.

JANET IS GOING TO KILL YOU.

THE SIGN WAS CLEARLY POSTED.

"NO CELL PHONES."

THAT WAS OUR BIGGEST ORDER,

NOT TO MENTION THE PUBLICITY.

COLLATERAL DAMAGE.

IT'S NOT COLLATERAL.

IT'S JUST DAMAGE.

I'LL CALL THE MAYOR'S OFFICE

TOMORROW.

NO, YOU WON'T.

YOU'RE GONNA STAND

BEHIND THE COUNTER

AND TAKE ORDERS.

YES, MA'AM.

THERE YOU GO.

THANK YOU VERY MUCH.

HEY, DAD.

HEY, OLLIE.

HEY, CAN YOU DONATE

100 CUPCAKES?

NOT NOW, BUDDY.

I'M A LITTLE BIT BUSY, OKAY?

BUT IT'S

FOR MY BASEBALL FUNDRAISER.

I UNDERSTAND, OKAY?

WHY DON'T YOU GO IN THE BACK

AND DO SOME HOMEWORK?

WE'LL TALK ABOUT IT LATER.

- FINE.

- COME ON, GO, GO, GO, BUDDY.

OKAY. WHO'S NEXT?

WHAT CAN I DO FOR YOU?

YOU CAN GIVE ME:

MY MORNING CUSTOMERS BACK.

IT'S CALLED

THE SPIRIT OF COMPETITION.

ON THE HOUSE.

YOU WANT COMPETITION?

FINE.

I'M GONNA GO AFTER

THE MAYOR'S DAUGHTER'S SWEET 16.

BRING IT ON.

OH, IT IS ON!

WHOA, WHOA, WHOA.

WHAT ARE YOU DOING?

WE'RE IN COMBAT MODE, SHEILA.

CHANGE OF STRATEGY.

TAKE THAT PAN OUT OF THERE.

WE NEED MORE SUPPLY.

WE ARE GONNA BAKE THAT GUY

RIGHT OFF THE BLOCK.

TAKE THAT PAN OUT OF THERE,

AND YOU GET BACK

TO YOUR DESIGNATED AREA.

OR WHAT?

I QUIT.

WHO'S NEXT?

HEY, MAN.

EVERYTHING ALL RIGHT?

GRAB AN APRON.

MOVE, SOLDIER.

GRAB AN APRON!

YEAH. I KNOW

WHAT YOU'RE TALKING ABOUT.

YES. I KNOW.

I SAW THE LEASE AGREEMENT. YEAH.

OKAY. YEAH.

YEAH, I HAVE IT.

YOU KNOW,

I GOTTA CALL YOU BACK.

OOH.

AND HOW CAN I HELP YOU TODAY?

CAN I GET THREE PINK LADIES,

TWO CRAZY KEY LIMES,

AND--

EXCUSE ME FOR ONE SECOND.

- SORRY?

- OLLIE, HONEY?

- YEAH.

- IS THAT YOUR BACKPACK

IN THE CORNER OVER THERE?

NO.

MINE'S RIGHT HERE.

- HMM.

- AND I'D LIKE--

ONE MOMENT, SORRY.

KIM!

KIM, SWEETHEART,

THAT YOUR BACKPACK

OVER THERE IN THE CORNER?

- MM-MM.

- YOURS?

- MM-MM.

- EXCUSE ME, EVERYONE.

I'M SORRY. DOES THIS BACKPACK

BELONG TO ANYBODY HERE?

- NOT MINE.

- NO. IT'S NOT.

NO. SORRY.

OKAY, FOLKS,

WE HAVE A SITUATION HERE.

I WANT EVERYBODY TO STAY CALM.

HONEY, DON'T.

- WHY?

- POSSIBLE I.E.D.

- O.M.G.

- OKAY, EVERYBODY.

CALMLY, CALMLY, PLEASE EXI THE PREMISES, PLEASE.

OKAY, MOVE,

MOVE, MOVE, MOVE, MOVE.

NO, WAIT. NO, NO, NO, NO, NO.

THERE'S A--

[smoke alarm beeps]

WHAT'S GOING ON?

OH, MY GOD.

FORTUNATELY,

IT'S JUST WATER DAMAGE.

BUT IT'LL BE A FEW WEEKS

BEFORE THEY CAN START REPAIRS.

A FEW WEEKS?

OUR VENDORS ARE BACKED UP.

I'M SORRY.

WE'LL BE IN TOUCH.

[sighs]

GO WAIT IN THE CAR.

YOU ARE LIKE A WEAPON

OF MASS DESTRUCTION.

I CAN FIX IT.

REALLY?

CAN YOU FIX THAT?

THAT I CAN EXPLAIN.

I COULD CARE LESS

ABOUT THIS STORE,

AND I COULD CARE LESS

ABOUT CUPCAKES,

BUT YOU NOT TRUSTING ME...

HONEY, I TRUST YOU.

IT'S HIM I DON'T TRUST.

THAD.

THIS GUY IS TRYING

TO TEAR US APART.

OH, NO, I THINK YOU'RE DOING

A REALLY GOOD JOB

OF THAT YOURSELF.

FOR YEARS,

I HAVE DREAM ABOUT YOU BEING BACK HOME

AND US BEING HAPPY.

BUT YOU KNOW WHAT?

I THINK--

I SOMETIMES THINK

THAT THE REASON:

WHY WE'RE STILL TOGETHER

IS BECAUSE YOU'RE NEVER HERE.

HONEY,

DON'T EVEN SAY THAT.

I THINK:

THAT IT WOULD BE BES IF YOU SLEPT SOMEWHERE ELSE

TONIGHT.

JUST TONIGHT?

NO.

YOUR CAR IS FIXED.

[gentle music]

[knock at door]

- HEY.

- HEY, BUDDY.

THANKS FOR LETTING ME CRASH HERE

TONIGHT.

OH, HEY, NO PROBLEM.

ALL RIGHT.

YOU SURE:

YOUR WIFE DOESN'T MIND?

OH, CONSIDERING

SHE'S IN CLEVELAND,

I THINK IT'S FINE.

SHE'S AWAY?

GOING ON SIX YEARS NOW.

SORRY.

I DIDN'T KNOW THAT.

OH, I WAS GONNA MENTION I TO YOU,

BUT I DIDN'T WAN TO DISCOURAGE YOU.

WELL, I'M OFFICIALLY

DISCOURAGED.

I REALLY SCREWED UP TODAY.

[indistinct chatter]

HEY, MAN, NO CUTTING.

GET IN THE BACK OF THE LINE.

I KNOW.

I OWE YOU AN APOLOGY.

NAH, NO APOLOGY NECESSARY.

THANK YOU.

THAT'S VERY UNDERSTANDING.

ARE YOU KIDDING? IT'S THE BES THING THAT EVER HAPPENED TO ME.

SINCE THEN, I'VE GO MY MORNING BUSINESS BACK,

PLUS YOURS, NOT TO MENTION

THE MAYOR'S DAUGHTER'S SWEET 16.

- AH.

- [laughs]

WELL, CONGRATULATIONS.

THANK YOU.

THANK YOU.

AND I'LL TAKE A CUPCAKE.

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