Ordinary Decent Criminal Page #3

add another ten years on to that.

Now, when they were kids

they had f*** all.

Ain't that right, Michael?

We had each other.

True.

Now, I'm that much younger

so I got some stuff,

but it was never the right stuff.

What are you

shitting on about, man?

Billy, Billy knows

what I'm talking about, don't you?

No.

For f***'s sake.

What was the big thing

when you were eight, say?

''Star Wars'', I suppose.

Is that what you mean?

''Star Wars''.

Now, I bet you got the proper

''Star Wars'' stuff.

You know, the real toys.

What were they called?

Luke Skywalker, Darth Vader,

I had all that shite, man.

And it was the proper thing, yeah?

The official stuff?

Yeah, so what?

So, I never got that.

But, sure, me da probably robbed

the f***ing things anyway.

It doesn't matter!

My ma and da couldn't even rob

the proper thing.

That's a f***ing tragedy, Stevie.

It is a f***ing tragedy.

Fellas your age,

you got the proper thing.

And now my kids want

every f***ing thing that's going.

And you're gonna use

all your money

to make sure they get it.

Fair play to you.

In me hole.

I'm gonna make up for all the stuff

I missed out on.

I'm gonna enjoy myself.

Go ahead Tom.

Right, Michael.

Now, the depth of this door

is just right.

Now, once that panel is removed

the bars sit in there,

nice and snug.

Now, if you have enough of them,

they don't rattle around.

And you don't even notice

the extra weight

when you're opening

and closing the door.

Now this couple I've lined up

they're complete innocents

that's the beauty of it

no extra splits.

They're just

old friends of me da's.

Couple in their fifties

Mr. and Mrs. Harmless.

And you know Customs...

while they're busy searching

bearded ex-hippies in their 2CVs

they'll be tipping

their hats at our pair

as they chugger, chugger through

at their usual

twenty-five miles an hour.

Then they drive all the way over

to the Cotswolds.

They've told me all about

this lovely hotel

it's so quiet and peaceful that

they always go back every year.

This is how I see it all happening,

Michael.

It's not too far from Birmingham,

right,

so I can fly in be at their hotel

inwhat, half an hour.

They'll be there taking afternoon tea

completely unaware

that they've a couple of

hundred thousand quids'

worth of gold

sitting outside in the car.

There'll be no more than,

what a dozen cars parked there

no security, so getting

at the car'll be no problem.

Bing, bang, boom. Get the gold

bring it to the fence.

Tom, it all sounds fine.

I'll see you when you get back, so.

Don't worry about it, Michael.

You can trust me.

Hi, Uncle Billy.

Come here to me, chicken.

Come here to me.

Oh, look at you.

My God,

are you an angel or a princess?

Isn't she gorgeous?

Come here to me. Tell me this would

that buy a few rosary beads eh?

Come here.

What do you say to Mr. Higgins?

Thank you.

No problem, love.

Good girl, good girl.

Now, come here to me, listen.

Go on uupstairs, right,

and I'll be with you

in a few minutes.

All right, chicken, go on.

Save us a dance, love,

will you?

Who's your man there

with Billy?

Higgins is his name.

Grew up around here all right.

Went to college, you know.

IRA I heard.

Funny thing, he looks more like you

than your brother does.

Same haircut anyway.

Yeah, yeah.

I'm telling you.

Yeah, I know, I'm not gonna

f*** it up all right?

Thanks for the lift.

Da, da, look what granny gave me.

What is it, chicken?

It's a holy book

with lots of pictures.

Oh, isn't that brilliant?

What I'd give to

have a present like that.

That's what I'd like to know

where did you come from?

Guess.

Mickey, you know that job that

Tom was doing for you in England?

Yeah.

What I mean, Mike,

even though I always knew that

Tom was a bit of a f***ing eject

you know, he was sound.

I mean, if you'd asked me

that's what I'd have told you.

Looks like

he's done a runner and...

there's no car and there's no gold.

Yeah.

So what do you wanna do?

Why the f*** did he think

he could get away with it?

It's not like him,

I'll say that for him.

And mind you, can you ever

trust anyone these days?

Yeah, you can.

That's what it's all about.

Wouldn't have asked him to

do the job if I didn't trust him.

What now?

You go find him. Bring him back.

Okay.

Tony...

Yeah?

You can finish your dinner first.

Jesus, are you gonna queue up?

I'll have to, won't I

unless you've any better ideas?

Well, I can get you in there

no bother. Private tour.

No, thanks,

I'll try the front door.

Fair enough.

Listen, I've gotta go.

Got this stupid f***ing court thing

in half-an-hour.

Enjoy yourself.

I will.

You'll be all right, will you?

Course.

My Lord, may I request

an adjournment of proceedings

until Wednesday?

Application refused.

but, my Lord, Mr. Harrison...

the prosecution is ready,

the jury is ready, I am ready.

Your client cannot avoid

the process of law indefinitely.

Mr. McHale, are you ready to begin?

Certainly, my Lord.

Almost two years ago

on the nineteenth of February

the defendant, Michael Lynch

and an unknown associate

entered the premises of Superex

a video game company.

They were armed and dangerous.

They threatened the life

of a member of staff

and stole over

thirty-two thousand pounds in cash.

Listen, Michael...

See this?

Yeah?

Can I hang it up in our room?

What do you want

a holy picture for?

It's not a holy picture,

it's a Caravaggio.

He's about as holy as you are.

Well, it looks like

a holy picture to me.

Can I hang it up, or can't I?

Of course.

And you wont' be

slagging me about it?

I promise.

Grand.

Can I go to the toilet, da?

Of course.

Do you get the feeling

I don't believe you, Tom?

Please, Michael... please!

I swear...

I mean, even if it is true,

these old ones

got their car door

ripped off by a passing Land Rover

and then left it abandoned

on the side of the road.

I searched, Michael.

I drove up and down.

I found the car and I even

put a new door on it an' all.

I f***ed up, you know,

and I was, I was afraid.

So you don't think

I'm a fair man then, Tom?

No.

No, it's not, it's not that,

Michael, it's...

Please, Michael...

I'm sorry, please.

What did you do with the gold?

Oh, God...

I did nothing!

I never got it, I never!

It's gone. You have to believe me.

But you ran away, Tom.

Only scumbags run away.

You can't trust someone

who does that, can you?

I mean, would you trust them, Tom?

Would you?

No, no, I wouldn't.

So you see why this is a problem

I have to deal with, don't you?

I mean, I can't leave it

hanging around, can I?

Yeah, I know...

Where's the gold?

I don't know.

What do you think?

I don't know, Michael, I...

I'm not certain...

or anything like...

I'd nearly believe him, Michael.

Yeah, I think you're right.

His story is so stupid

it's probably true.

All rigth, let him down.

I'm sorry, Tom.

I believe your story now.

Tony'll take you to the hospital.

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