Orgazmo Page #2

Yeah.

You start at 10:
00.

I'm gonna think about this now.

I don't know. He doesn't seem much

like the porno type to me, boss.

That's why he's so perfect for Orgazmo.

He's so prissy and wholesome.

You watch. In a couple of weeks,

I'll make that little mama's boy

the biggest porn star in the country.

[Sighs]

- [Ringing]

-## [Humming]

Hello?

Hi, Lis.

Hi, honey.

How are things in Utah?

Utah isn't as nice without you,

that's for sure. How are things there?

Oh, fine.

I, uh-- I had an interesting day.

I got offered a part in a movie.

A movie? Like a Hollywood movie?

Yeah, and it pays a lot.

Oh, Joe. That's wonderful.

Is it enough so that we can

get married in the temple?

Lisa, it's $20,000.

[Screams]

[Chuckling]

Oh, you're the best, Joe.

Well, I don't know

if I'm gonna do it, Lis.

What? Why not?

There are some things in the movie

that are against God's way.

Joe, even if movies are

a little crude now and then,

I think that the Lord understands that

you need money for your family's future.

Twenty thousand dollars

would get us off to a great start.

I know it would.

So what is it?

What are you acting in?

Oh.

Uh, it's, uh,

Death of a Salesman.

Oh, let me guess.

You're playing Biff, right?

Biff, yeah.

[Chuckles]

[Horn Honks]

Daddy's here to take me

to choir practice, Joe.

Can I call you back later?

Sure, sure.

Jesus and I love you, Joe.

Jesus and I love you too, Lis.

Bye.

Bye.

Heavenly Father,

please show me the way.

I know it would be sinful to act

in a movie that had sexual activity,

but Lisa is so important to me.

And I need the money for

our wedding and for a place to live.

Please, just give me a sign

if you don't want me to do it.

[Rattling]

[Rumbling]

[Car Alarms Blaring]

Any sign at all.

Where is that little f***ing choir boy?

I don't think he's gonna show up.

Oh, really?

Rodgers, you and pickle dick here

go find that bastard.

And you tell him

if he doesn't act in my film,

his parents, his friends,

his f***in' pets are gonna pay!

You tell him

if he fucks with me, he'll be--

[Door Opens]

Well, hello.

Hello.

We were just talking about you.

How are you?

I'm fine.

Super. Why don't you

go get into wardrobe,

and we'll get started right away.

Orbison, who am I f***ing

in this scene?

Uh, you'll be f***ing

Jeff and probably Ben.

Have you met our new

Orgazmo?

No.

Hi, how do you do?

Hi, are we f***ing?

No. You'll be f***ing

his stunt cock.

And I'm not doing any ass-licking today.

I told you that, right?

Yes, yes. No ass-licking.

Okay.

I'm not an ass-licker.

Give 'em an inch,

they take a mile.

[No Audible Dialogue]

Oh, what was I thinking?

There you are. Get in here. Come on.

Just get in here and put this on.

Put it on.

Just put it on now.

Uh, okay. Can I--

Oh.

So you must be the new Orgazmo.

No, I-- Maybe. My name's Joe.

Ben Chapleski.

I play Choda Boy.

What's a Choda Boy?

I'm your sidekick.

My sidekick? I have a sidekick?

Yeah.

What do--

[Yells]

Uh, I didn't know I had a sidekick.

Didn't they even tell you the plot?

No, they just said I'm a superhero.

Right. You're Orgazmo.

And you fight crime

with your Orgazmorator.

And I'm your sidekick, and I help you out

with my specially designed sex toys.

Oh.

I don't think I've seen you before.

Are you new in this business?

Oh, yeah. This is my first time.

I'm actually a normal person.

Hey, we're all normal people, man.

Hell, I got Ph. D.'s in physics

and engineering from M.I.T.

M.I.T.? In Boston?

No, it's in Cambridge, actually.

But if you have two Ph.D.'s,

why do you do these kind of movies?

See you on set, Choda Boy.

That's why.

See, I have what's called

an overactive sex drive.

Hey, just between you and me,

I don't get a whole lot

of action from women.

- They don't seem to

take me very seriously.

- You don't say.

Yeah, but I get plenty of action here.

And I love every minute of it.

But if you're such a scientific genius,

don't you think

Heavenly Father has something...

more important planned for your life?

Who?

You.

What?

[Grunts]

Yeah.

Stand back, Jizzmaster Zero!

You look good, man.

Let's make some porno.

- Hey, man, you need to shave your balls?

- What? Why would I do that?

All male actors shave their balls, Joe.

Makes the old Johnson look bigger.

Give it a shot.

No, I'm not--

I'm using a stunt thing.

Oh, kid. You look f***ing "fabeau"!

I see you met Choda Boy.

Yes.

Hey, that's not the only thing

that changed.

I really beefed this script up.

Come on, people.

Let's get shooting!

Mr. Orbison.

Yeah?

You're not gonna put my name

anywhere on this movie are you?

Oh, no, kid.

You'll get a stage name.

Oh, good.

Everybody does.

Now, let's see. Joe Young, right?

Right.

Young, Young,

tongue, bung, hung. Hung!

Tom Hung. It's perfect.

You like that?

No.

Okay, people. Let's go.

Come on. Set this up for me.

Okay, this is what we're doing.

One:
Uh, Candi, Saffi and Jizzmaster

Zero are getting busy on the bed.

- How busy?

- Both of you are doing oral on him.

And then two:
Orgazmo

and Choda Boy break through the wall.

Three:
They fight with

Jizzmaster Zero and his henchmen.

And four:
You all f***

like nasty pigs. Got it?

Nasty pigs. Got it.

Whoa, whoa. Mr. Orbison, you said

I wouldn't have to have sex, remember?

You said we'd use a stunt-- stunt--

Cock, a stunt cock.

Yes, you get a stunt cock,

but only for penetration.

Penetration?

Who's gonna be penetrated?

Penetration is when the penis

enters an orifice, Joe.

Penetration you don't do,

but you do have to get nasty

with the ladies. That's the deal.

Okay, people. Let's go.

Lights on.

Lights are on and stable, Captain.

Whoo-hoo! Let's see some f***in' action!

Dave, calm down.

Yeah? Right. Sorry.

All right. You give me

some nice close-ups.

Andyou give me a nice, slowzoom...

starting with a medium

close-up on the cock.

And then widening out

to an establishing shot.

Genius.

Roll cameras.

And we're sucking.

Good, we're sucking.

Oh, my gosh, I don't know

if I can go through with this.

Sure you can,

just do what I do.

That's some hot sh*t right there.

Check that out, man.

Good.

We're sucking. We're sucking.

Yeah, suck that cock!

Damn it, Dave!

Keep your mouth shut!

Sorry, sorry, dude.

Got a little excited.

Cue Orgazmo and Choda Boy.

[Women]

Orgazmo!

And Choda Boy!

You can't defeat me, Orgazmo!

[Woman]

Yeah, really.

Oh, yeah.

You can't defeat me, Orgazmo!

That's your line, Hung. Hey!

- That's your line, Hung!

- [Whispering, Indistinct]

Yeah, yeah, I can too.

I'll use my Orgazmorator.

No, not that!

That feels good! Ow!

Nice shot!

They've hurt our evil boss,

Jizzmaster Zero.

Now you're gonna get some.

Need a hand?

That's handy work.

Now lock 'em up, Choda Boy.

- Are you okay, ladies?

- We're fine thanks to you, Orgazmo!

And Choda Boy.

Now it's time for us to repay you.

Yeah, come on, boys.

Let's get it on.

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