Orgazmo Page #3

Kiss her.

Not like that.

This is supposed to be erotic.

Use your tongue, for Christ's sake.

How would Christ benefit from me

putting my tongue in someone's mouth?

Do you want your money or not, Hung?

[Orbison]

And cut. Stunt cock.

- Stunt cock!

- [Man] Stunt cock!

Hey, how you doin'?

Hey, how you doin'?

Hey, how you doin'?

I can't believe I'm doing this.

Hey, you know, you did

a good job in there, man.

Thank you.

Did you ever see that movie

Clash of the Titans?

Oh, with the Greek mythology and stuff?

Yeah, yeah, I saw that.

I don't wanna sound

like a queer or nothin',

but I think unicorns are kick-ass.

What's that?

Oh, this is the Book of Mormon.

It's another testament of Jesus Christ.

- Oh, is it any good?

-[Bell Dings]

Okay, people. Let's go.

[Orbison]

Action.

Oh, whoopee!

" For the time is at hand that all men

shall reap a reward of their works."

See, when the Mormons arrived

in Missouri, they needed to find jobs,

but no one would hire them.

- They should've done double anal.

- Excuse me?

You get to be my age, you gotta do

double anal or no one will hire you.

Right. Uh, see, people wouldn't hire

the Mormons because of their beliefs.

Now...

I'm the only one in town...

who'll do double anal

and double vaginal at the same time.

You know, D.V.D.A.

Well, it's how I still manage to get work.

I see. Uh, I don't think you

quite understand what I'm--

I don't understand?

Hey, look, pal. You try having

four d*cks in you at one time.

No, thank you.

[Man] Hey, lady! We're ready

for the D.V.D.A. shot!

Nice talkin' to ya, kid.

Okay, let's do it.

Come on, boys,

grease 'em up.

Oh, another day, another dollar.

And action.

[Actors Groaning, Moaning]

[Woman] Okay, we're rollin'.

How's it going, ace?

Whoa, D.V.D.A. shot, huh?

I think I'm gonna be sick.

Yeah, she's great.

[Groaning, Moaning Continues]

Hey, you wanna get

some sushi tonight?

[Retching]

## [Hip-Hop]

# No remorse

on a collision course with death #

# Buckin 'em till I'm out of breath ##

## [Continues]

So what did you think

of your first day of porno, Joe?

Joe?

I'm a bad, bad Mormon.

Yo, yo, yo.

What's up, homies?

- How's it goin', G-Fresh?

- Oh, just kickin' it.

You know what I'm saying, G?

Oh, yeah. G-Fresh

in the motherfucking house.

Hey, G-Fresh, I want you

to meet Orgazmo here.

I'm not Orgazmo!

I don't want anyone to know.

My name is Joe, Joe Young.

How do you do?

Oh, just kickin' it! The dope rhymes

on the smoothed out R & B tips.

You know what I'm sayin'?

No.

- How you doin', G-Fresh?

- You! Get your punk asses

out of my sushi bar!

Oh, we'll get our punk asses

out of your fish bar...

just as soon as you sign

this little piece of paper.

I told you I ain't gonna sign.

I ain't gonna givin' up my place.

Who are these guys?

These are the G's I been

telling you about from next door.

They are trying

to buy out my restaurant...

so they can make

their dance club bigger.

But homie don't play that!

- Why don't you guys get lost, huh?

- Keep your mouth shut, Tiny Tim!

Hey, whoa, whoa, whoa.

I think we all need to

calm down a little bit here.

Oh, gee. That man's right.

We're real sorry.

We'll leave Mr. Fresh alone.

Oh, yeah.

Please excuse the mix-up, please.

- [Yells]

- Wow!

- [Yelling]

- Wow!

- Whoa!

- Oops.

- Ooh!

- [Woman] Oh, God.

- # Geometry, things that are ##

- Oh!

You better make up

your mind real quick, Fresh,

'cause our boss isn't gonna give you

such a good deal next time.

Shouldn't we call

the police or something?

[Laughing]

Joe, the police can't help.

Geez, where are you from,

Iowa or something?

No, Utah.

Oh, I'm sorry.

## [Resumes Singing, Indistinct]

Oh, yeah!

Oh, so good.

It's so good.

Oh, do you like it?

Do you like it?

Ring the bell! Ring the bell!

Ding dong!

Ding, ding, dong, ding, ding!

You--

- Line?

- You guys got me so horny.

Oh, yeah.

You guys got me so horny!

Come on, Hung. You gotta at least

look like you're enjoying this.

Rub her breasts or something.

- Come on. Come on, Hung.

- Do I have to?

Don't worry, dude.

They' re not real.

Yeah, there you go, buddy.

Get some.

We're onto you, Orgazmo.

Yeah, your days of

"superhero-dom" are over.

Not so fast, guys.

My Orgazmorator should take care of you.

- Your turn, Choda Boy.

- Right!

My blue "harpoontang"

should do the trick.

Looks like they're all

tied up at the moment.

[Indistinct]

That was too easy.

Great job, guys.

Now, how about we get really nasty?

[Screams]

[Orbison]

Cut!

[Dave]

Oh, dude, she's dead!

[Orbison] Damn it!

[Ben] I'm glad you could

come over for dinner, Joe.

I'm really excited to show you

my laboratory where I design things.

I think you might find one thing

in particular very interesting.

Did you say something?

Nah, I was just thinking.

Come on in.

Goodness, gee.

Is this all yours?

Yeah, bought and paid for.

It's all the patents I have.

See, when I'm not doing

the flicks, I invent stuff.

And I get some serious cash for it.

What's this here?

I guess I never told you.

Told me what?

[Sighs]

See, when I was a kid,

I learned a lot of different kung fu styles.

And one of the styles was hamster.

Hamster? I don't think

I've seen you do hamster.

No.

No, I vowed to my father

I would never use hamster style again.

Why? What happened?

I don't like to talk about it.

Well, maybe it would help you

to talk about it. You know, get it out.

I don't know if I can.

Well, what are you running from, man?

I don't know.

I guess maybe I'm just running from myself.

I mean, it happened several years ago,

but I can remember it

like it was just yesterday.

- Hey, Dad.

- Mm-hmm.

I don't think I'm gonna do

hamster style anymore.

That's nice.

[Sobs]

And that's the way it went down, man.

Sh*t.

I can still smell that newspaper.

[Sniffles]

Hey, you know, it does--

it does feel better to get it out.

[Sighs]

Come on. I wanna

show you something.

By the time I finally got

this old mama to work,

it had a lot of parts.

The sucker got pretty heavy.

I can barely even lift it now.

What is it?

It's the Orgazmorator.

I've made it work.

Golly, it's huge.

Yeah.

I could probably make

a more compact version,

but then I'd have to use cold fusion...

instead of the fission device

that's inside of it now.

But then if I could

figure out cold fusion,

I'd be a millionaire.

[Laughing]

[Both Laughing]

- Want to give it a shot?

- How?

Here. Here.

Stick our arm in this thing here.

Grab ahold of the handle,

and it should power up.

- Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa!

- Calm down, dude.

- Calm down. It's okay.

It's just powering up. It's okay.

- [Beeping]

You can actually hold that thing, huh?

It's not that heavy.

- That is sweet.

- So now what?

So now, I mean, it's--

You know, I mean, It's like a gun.

I mean, you feel that little trigger

on the handle there?

- This one?

- [Gasps]

Oh, my gosh!

Are you okay?

Whoo!

Whoo! Thanks, man.

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