Oscar Page #6

see your face again- until the wedding!

That's filne with me!

And separate honeymoons!

- Fine!

- See you in church!

It's probably Judge Crater.

Oh, hi, Dr Poole.

Come on in.

The boss been expecting you.

- Aldo, do you realize what you just did?

- What?

You used the past participle

without a modifiler.

I did? What's the rap on that?

Cool your heels, Doc.

He'll be right with you.

Marvellous.

Aldo is a treasure trove

of linguistic anomalies.

I heard that.

- Middlesex.

- What?

You're from Middlesex County

in New Jersey. Am I right?

- Yeah. New Brunswick.

- I knew it.

You see, the New Jersey accent...

becomes increasingly nasal

the further south one goes.

That's an amazing talent, Doctor.

Have you ever thought

of working carnivals?

Young man, I've made a serious study

of the English language.

In my travels, I've uncovered

in the United States alone.

Now, you take the attenuated vowels

of the east Texans-

All that travel

must cut into your home life, Doctor.

Well, I don't spend as much time

with Mother as I would like.

But she's got the cats.

A brilliant scholar like yourself

is still single?

Oh, work has always come filrst.

This weekend, I'm off to Appalachia...

to study regional colloquialisms

among the coal-mining community.

Would you excuse me a minute, Doctor?

You'll be here for a while, won't you?

Oh, yes. I'll be giving Mr Provolone

his elocution lesson.

Good news. We don't have to marry

each other. I found someone else.

- Who?

- Someone who's handsome and intelligent...

and worships the ground

you walk upon- Dr Poole.

Dr Poole!

Say, what's the gag?

He's old enough to be my father.

More importantly, he's old enough

to be your baby's father.

What makes you think

he wants to marry me?

Because he loves you passionately.

He just told me.

- But he's never said anything.

- Ironic, isn't it?

A man whose life is devoted to words,

and he can't put together...

the three most important ones.

- That's so touching.

- I knew you'd see it my way.

Stay right here.

Finuccis in, Finuccis out,

Finuccis in. He give me agita.

Lisa.

Anthony's trying to tell me that

now you're in love with Dr Poole.

- Yes, I am.

- You see? What?

Oh, Daddy, yes. He's so sweet,

so intelligent, so cultured...

not like some other fellas I know.

Well, put Poole out of your mind.

You're marrying Anthony.

- But I love Thornton!

- Oh, so now it's Thornton?

- Oh, stop that bawlin', will ya?

- He's the only sensitive man I've ever met.

What are you sayin'?

I'm not sensitive?

All right, Lisa. Lisa, stop-

Will you stop-

If it's Poole you want,

it's Poole you'll get, but, Lisa...

you got to cross the filnish line

on this one.

He's your third filanc today,

and it's not even lunch yet!

Look, Mr Provolone, now that she has a

husband, can I have back the statement I signed?

Forget about it.

I'm keeping you on the bench...

in case this guy

doesn't come through.

Good mornin', Doc.

Now, now, Mr Provolone.

- Where are those Gs?

- In here.

No, no. You're not enunciating.

"Good morning, Dr Poole."

Oh, yeah, right.

Don't you have somethin' to do?

Yes, I do, as a matter of fact.

Goodbye, Mr Provolone.

Goodbye, Dr Poole.

Now look.

That guy's leavin' again.

And here comes the priest.

- Enter at your own risk, Father.

- Aldo, haven't seen you at Mass lately.

Oh, really, Father?

I can't imagine why.

Now, remember, Mr Provolone...

speech is man's most important tool

for the conveyance of thought.

Yeah, Doc, but when am I gonna start

soundin' like a banker?

After me.

'Round the rough and rugged rocks...

the ragged rascal rudely ran.

'Round the rough and rugged rocks,

the ragged ra-

'Round the rough and rugged rocks...

the ragged-

'Round the rough and rascal,

the ragged-

Look, Doc, I just can't do it.

I'll never learn to speak good.

Do not despair, Mr Provolone.

Let's try a new line

of attack, shall we?

After me.

Rocco the Rum Runner rubbed out

Rico the Rat with his roscoe...

for robbing his rum-running receipts.

- Can you say that?

- Rocco the Rum Runner...

rubbed out Rico the Rat

with his roscoe...

for robbin' his rum-runnin' receipts!

- You did it!

- Sure. You filnally come up with somethin' that made sense.

Excuse me, Mr Provolone.

I'll be goin' now, if you don't mind.

- So what's keepin' ya?

- Well...

there's the little matter

of a week's pay you'll be owin' me.

She should pay me for introducing her

to Bruce Underwood.

I'm glad I'll no longer

be workin' in this house.

From now on,

I'll be havin' servants of me own.

You'll fiInd out

what a picnic that is!

Shocking insolence.

I would've terminated her immediately.

I can't do that any more.

The best I could do is filre her.

Listen, Doc,

I'd like to talk to you...

about a little diffilculty

my daughter's havin'.

Really? She seems to have

such nicely-rounded diphthongs.

That's what got her into this jam.

You see, my daughter's turning 18,

and she wants to get married.

Well, she's charming.

Who's the lucky man?

- You are, Doc.

- Well, I'm flat- What?

- You're not married or anything, are you?

- Well, no, of course not.

- And how do you feel about kids?

- Children? Well, I love-

Then it's settled!

Settled? But I hardly know the girl.

Let me sweeten the pot. Now, there

must be something I can do for you...

some dream that you got.

Well, now that you mention it...

I've always wanted to take Mother

to Baden-Baden.

There's a doctor there who's doing simply

miraculous things with gallbladders.

Her gallbladder's on the next boat.

Anything else?

Um, well, then there's the

Thornton Poole School of Linguistics.

I can see it from here.

Deal, Doc?

Uh, I-I don't know.

Events are moving so fast.

Here. This is the clincher.

- God. What's this?

- Your mother's gallbladder.

The linguistics school.

All your dreams.

Look!

I'm a little confused.

I'll be right back.

Nora!

- Where to, lady?

- Regency Gardens.

Nora! Nora! Nor-

Now Provolone's comin' out

with a black bag.

- What do you think's in it?

- Bag money. What else?

That does it.

I'm callin' for the warrant.

Damn. Son of a-

gun, gosh almighty.

Cheese and crackers!

So sorry to keep you waiting,

Father Clemente.

- Angelo, you remember Father Clemente?

- Mornin', Father.

And thanks again for the swell job

you did on Papa's funeral.

I know he'd be proud

that you kept your promise to him.

The Father is here to collect

for the building fund.

Oh, by the way, congratulations on

your daughter marrying Bruce Underwood.

Uh, I'm afraid

there's been a change, Father.

She's now marrying a nice Italian boy,

Anthony Rossano.

It's all for the better.

Nothing like a big, Italian wedding.

- Anthony Rossano!

- Well, forget Anthony.

- She's not marrying him any more.

- What?

Wh- Well, that's a shame.

But she's young.

Someday she'll fiInd the right one.

- She's found the right one.

- Who?

- Dr Poole!

- Dr Poole?

Hello!

Get back in the room!

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