Oscar Page #8

then he's got it.

No, you blockhead. He stole it,

then he gave it back to me.

- Why'd he give it back to you?

- To buy back the jewels.

- What jewels?

- The jewels he stole from me.

- He stole jewels from you too?

- Yeah, so he could marry my daughter.

- Lisa.

- Not Lisa. Theresa.

How come nobody's never

met this daughter Theresa?

Because she's not my daughter,

capisce?

Yeah, your daughter's

not your daughter.

And the cash that used to be the jewels

is now your underwear.

- Now you got it!

- I got it!

I don't even know

what I'm talkin' about!

I'm back.

Take a seat.

The nurse'll call your number.

- The skirt is back.

- What skirt? Nora?

- No. The other one- Theresa.

- You remember, boss.

The one that's not your daughter.

- Keep her on ice. I'm lookin' for somethin'.

- What?

- A bag just like this one.

- Ah, don't worry about that.

I gave it back

to Underwood's chauffeur.

- You did what?

- It was sittin' here in the library before...

so I switched the bags for ya.

- And where was Einstein?

- Was Connie in here?

Connie, was you in here?

I didn't see him.

Why don't you go stand over there

next to your girlfriend?

Mush!

Underwear. Underwear? Und-

"Underwood." Underwood. Underwood.

Mr Provolone will see you

in the library.

- Connie?

- Come on.

And now he's back again

for another drop.

And you knuckleheads

thought that Snaps was goin' straight.

Oh, that's okay.

I'll get it!

Well, well.

The man who started it all.

Look, Underwood,

your chauffeur snatched the wrong bag!

Well, do something about it,

and pronto!

- Now, what can I do for you?

- Can we talk in private?

- Connie, am-scray.

- Can't I stick around, boss?

- Every time I leave, I fall behind.

- All right. Stay, but shut up.

Mr Provolone, I'm desperate.

I've done a stupid thing.

- Yeah, I know. You already told me.

- No.

I mean, I-I walked out on Anthony,

the only man I've ever loved.

Honey, that's the filrst smart move

you've made.

I looked for him everywhere. I tried

his apartment, and he wasn't there.

- Do you know where I can fiInd him?

- No. But wherever he is...

he's probably

stealing another 50 Gs from me.

Now, if you'll excuse me,

I have another appointment.

- I may have an idea where he is.

- Where?

Closer than I thought. Now, I want you

to stay in here and don't come out.

- You owe me this, sister.

- I thought she was your daughter.

Shut up.

Well, little Anthony.

Thought you could pull

a fast one on me, huh?

You must've forgotten, Mr Provolone. I gave

you the cash in exchange for those jewels.

Yeah? But you were supposed

to get the underwear.

- What underwear?

- I know! The maid's underwear.

Connie, please.

Bingo. And I'm not givin' you another

bag in return. I'm onto that racket.

I don't know what you're talking

about, but you can have the jewels.

Do you believe the cojones

on this guy?

He's just giving me back my own dough.

Here, Connie. Watch this.

Look who I'm talkin' to.

So, you're just givin' me back

my own rocks, huh?

Yes. I've realized that all the jewels

in the world are worthless to me now-

now that I've lost Theresa.

- This guy's a poet.

- And if you ever hear from her again...

please tell her that I still love her

and that I'm sorry I hurt her.

- Theresa's in the library.

- She's here?

That's right.

And she's crazy about you.

Anthony, I am so sorry.

No, no, no.

This whole thing was my fault.

I'll get it. Maybe that's

the Underwood chauffeur with my dough.

He'll get it.

Hello. I was sent

by the employment agency.

I don't mean to seem discourteous,

but I got another appointment comin' up.

Sit down, honey.

I'll try not to keep you,

Mr Provolone.

Here's my references. I do

light housekeeping, some cooking-

You don't by any chance

answer front doors, do ya?

Well, all this

looks pretty good, Roxanne.

- So how long you been a maid?

- My filrst job was for a man named James Bonomo.

Jumpin'Jimmy Bonomo? Hey, Aldo,

she worked for Jumpin'Jimmy.

You remember him-

nervous little guy?

Sure, sure. I remember him.

Bighearted sweet guy.

Give you the shirt off his back.

When did he die?

Let's see.

Uh, got the chair in '27.

I don't believe this.

I was a driver for Jumpin'Jimmy.

That was my filrst job

in the rackets- I mean, industry.

That's right, Snaps.

No.

- Roxy?

- Then you remember me?

Remember you? How could I forget?

You were my filrst-

I mean, we were-

How do you like that?

What a small world!

Geez, I had a real thing

for her. But-

You just disappeared on me.

How come?

Well, I-I didn't think I was working

in the best atmosphere to raise my baby.

- You had a baby?

- She's a big girl now.

In fact, she'll be

getting married soon.

Ah. I'm so happy for you, Roxanne.

Say, who's the lucky guy?

Oh, he's a very successful accountant.

He makes 1,400 a month.

Wow, that's a lot of dough.

Wait a minute.

Say, his name wouldn't happen

to be little Anthony Rossano, would it?

- You know him?

- Know him?

Sometimes I think

I don't know anybody else but him!

Wait. Then you

gotta be Theresa's mother.

- You know Theresa too?

- Well, I should.

After all, she's my daughter.

- Then you've known all along.

- Known what?

That you and I- that we-

Don't you get it, boss?

She had your kid.

Theresa really is your daughter.

- I'm gettin' good at this.

- No, no, it can't be.

- You seem surprised.

- Well, nothin' this mornin' would surprise me except this.

But you said you knew

that she was your daughter.

I knew she said she was my daughter,

but I didn't think I was her father.

I should've told you...

but I lost touch

when I was sent to the convent.

Come on. Come on.

It's okay. It's okay.

This day has been

an emotional roller coaster.

My father sent me to the nuns

to have Theresa.

He said I brought shame to the family.

What a blockhead he must've been.

I didn't wanna come

on this interview because...

I was afraid that you'd be angry.

Oh, no, Roxy. I'm not angry.

Just don't cry, please?

- Angelo! Who is this woman?

- The new maid.

You don't have to be

that friendly with the help.

Why is she crying?

She's just happy

to be working for us.

That'll change.

Come on. There's somebody

I want you to meet.

- Who's here?

- Our daughter.

Theresa's here? But why?

- It all started around 8:30.

- Will ya shut up?

- Aldo, get Theresa.

- Theresa!

Do you see what I gotta

put up with around here?

Mama?

- What are you doing here?

- I came to see your father.

- Father?

- It's time you knew the truth.

You're the daughter

of Snaps Provolone.

Mr Provolone?

Oh, Mama!

- Then I really can call you "Dad."

- You do, I'll mop the floor with you.

Listen, everybody!

We have an announcement to make!

- What is it, Lisa?

- Thornton and I are getting married.

Aldo, get out a couple bottles

of champagne. We're gonna celebrate!

- My baby!

- My girls!

Congratulations, Doc.

Will there be a honeymoon following?

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