Oscar Page #9

Watch it there, Connie.

You've got a dangling participle.

Huh? Oh.

Let's just get this over with. I have to

get back to the offilce and turn down a loan.

Are you sure about this one,

Lieutenant?

Hey, Toomey,

you better get over here.

Here come the big boys.

It's the O'Banion gang, all right.

Well, obviously

they're expecting us.

This turned out to be

a wonderful day after all.

- Both my girls are getting married.

- What do you mean, "both"?

Sofila, my wife,

meet Theresa, my daughter.

Your daughter?

- I just found out myself.

- Me too.

- If she's your daughter, who's her mother?

- I am.

- You had a child with the new maid?

- Pardon me.

- Have we come at a bad time?

- No, gentlemen. Come in.

Here's the bubbly, boss.

Aldo, I'm shocked!

You know liquor's against the law!

- Didn't you ever hear of Prohibition?

- Heard of it? What do you think paid for this house?

Ix-nay the ooze-bay.

Ankers-bay.

Oh, we just keep this in the house

for yacht christenings.

It's so diffilcult

to fiInd good help these days.

Now, if you don't mind, I got some

business to conduct with these gentlemen.

- Yeah?

- I have a coIIect caII from Mr ive Spot CharIie.

- Will you accept the nickel charge?

- Yeah. Put him on.

- Hello. M-M-Mr- Mr Vend-d-detti?

- What do you got for me, Five Spot?

Well, it-it-it-it's happening,

Mr Ve-Vendetti...

just Iike we thought.

Four t-t-t-tough customers...

just went into

S-S-S- S-S-S-S-Snap's place.

Thanks, Five Spot.

There's a C note in it for you.

A-A-A-A C note?

Gee, th-th- thanks.

- Thanks, Mr-

- That cinches it.

He's hookin' up with O'Banion.

Okay, we're movin' on Provolone,

we're movin' now!

A C note.

Order out for pizza.

We'll be back in an hour.

- Wait till you see your offilce downtown.

- Mmm.

You'll have a secretary, a telephone,

beautiful view of the harbour.

And a key to the executive lounge.

- But not a vote on the board.

- What? Let me see that.

Well, we thought...

you might serve in more

of an advisory capacity.

Just until you learn the ropes,

that is.

As sort of a silent partner.

Correct me if I'm wrong,

but I think...

for the dough that I am putting in,

I deserve a vote.

And with all due respect, gentlemen,

may I call attention to addendum B?

Oh, that?

That simply absolves the bank

of any liability.

Yes. Should Mr Provolone-

- Should Mr Provolone what?

- Incur any legal diffilculties.

Let's not beat around the bush. We all

know what kind of background he comes from.

Anthony, it sounds like

they don't trust me.

- Not according to this.

- No. Mr Provolone...

these clauses are as much

for your protection as ours.

Now, if you just sign this,

please-

All right! Grab some sky,

hoods, and hold it!

Drill the filrst rat

that makes a move.

Lieutenant, what a pleasant surprise.

I'll bet.

I was just sayin' to Sofila

this morning that...

we gotta have the Toomeys

over for tea.

You don't really think we're in business

with these people, do you, Offilcer?

We're only here

because he threatened us.

That's right. He threatened

to put the arm on us.

Save your breath, Fingers. Fingers

Frischetti, O'Banion's trigger man.

- It's a privilege to watch your mind work, Toomey.

- Thank you.

And this, gentlemen, is the infamous

Sid "The Shiv" Saperstein.

I beg your pardon.

Hey, Sid, say "cheese."

You'd better take

a look at these, Lieutenant.

University Club. Harvard Alumni Club.

Republican National Committee?

Wait a minute.

The City Commerce Board of Directors.

City Trade Association

Board of Directors.

The State Financial Advisory Board.

Committee to Reelect Herbert Hoover.

Eastside Athletic Club.

And two tickets

to the Policemen's Ball.

Either you guys are legit, or this is

the greatest job of forgery I ever seen.

I hope you're satisfiled, Offilcer.

Gee, Toomey, he had me convinced

he was Fingers Frischetti.

It don't add up. Why would Snaps

Provolone be meetin' with four bankers?

- Maybe I was slummin'.

- Clam it, Snaps.

I got it! The bag!

Fan out, boys.

Find that little black bag...

the one that's been comin'

in and out of this house all day.

What's the matter, Snaps?

Nervous?

Lieutenant, we found it.

Just as I filgured.

It seems that our friend Snaps here

has been laundering Mob money...

through their bank,

and here's your proof.

Get your cameras ready, boys.

Boys, this is gonna

make me look good downtown.

Get out of my way!

Well, boys,

he got the "laundry" part right.

I hate to say, "I told you so,"

but that's what we get...

for going into business

with a crook!

I'm a crook?

You come into my house

with your filne print and addendums...

and try to con me out of my dough?

Geez, I'm used to dealing

with mobsters, bootleggers and gonzos...

but you bankers are scary.

- I have never been so insulted in all my life.

- Wait. You're young yet.

It all came out in the wash,

didn't it, Toomey?

Yeah. I didn't know

you collected ladies' underwear.

Don't worry, Toomey. Maybe they'll

give you a job as a bank guard.

Yeah, yeah.

Shove off, you bums.

We hit 'em fast and hard,

and nobody gets out alive.

Step on it, Dugan.

You all right, Lieutenant?

All right. All right.

Out of the way.

Well, well. Mr Vendetti.

Hiya, Toomey.

All right, boys. Take 'em in.

- Anthony, I like the way you handled yourself in here today.

- Thank you, sir.

And I'm making you chief filnancial

offilcer of Provolone Enterprises, Inc.

Sir- Dad- what an honour!

So we back in business,

Mr Provolone?

You can forget that "Mr Provolone"

stuff. From now on, call me "boss."

Yes, boss!

Sorry, Pop.

I did the best I could.

Do you, Lisa and Theresa...

take Thornton and Anthony...

to be your lawfully-wedded husbands?

I do.

I do.

If anyone among you has reasons to doubt

that these unions should take place...

let him speak now

or forever hold his peace.

Stop!

- Who are you?

- I'm Oscar.

- Get rid of him, expeditiously.

- You got it.

- No, wait!

- Grab his feet.

Then I now pronounce you

man and wife.

You may kiss the brides.

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