Osmosis Jones Page #2

Hey, it's"the Germinator!"

You got me there.

Save some for the criminals.

-You never catch anything, Jones.

-You should've seen this thing.

It's no ordinary germ.

This thing ain't even

from Frank's body.

This is like a AI Roker germ,

a Heavy D germ.

Talking about this?

Yeah, he's slouching right now.

In my office!

-Chiefy-weefy, what's up?

-Don't"chiefy-weefy"me.

See the headlines?

The papers call it the most powerful

cramp since Shane made us try Tae-Bo!

-Hold on a second.

-I told you to wait for backup!

But again, you had to

do it your own way.

-Man, I could have--

-Right!

Trillions of cells

working together...

...you' re the only one doing it alone.

That's your problem, Jones.

What?! Oh, hello, Mr. Mayor.

The missus? She's great, yes.

What? I'll put a man right on it.

Yes, sir.

Stupid political decisions.

Now where was l?

You said you were giving me...

...a promotion to

Head of Brain Security.

You know what? You' re right.

Maybe it is time I give you a case.

Talking about what?

I' m putting you on a job

in the throat.

Thank you, chief. Thank you, chief.

You won't regret this.

You a good man.

You a upstanding man.

-Whatever.

-It was on the fence for a while.

"Good man, bad man."

Now it's official : You are a good man.

You done? Now our pill

is getting swallowed as we speak.

So get your nucleus

down to the stomach, pronto.

Pill? What pill?

I wouldn't trust you to

handle a sore throat alone!

Get out. Or you' re on butt-hair

patrol for the next three years!

Rinky-dink, stink, pinky pill.

The white zone is for ingestion and

digestion only. No parking.

Peanut boarding

for intestine and liver...

... with direct service

to the colon.

Now boarding.

Hare Krishna, Hare Krishna....

All right.

All fat cells

proceed to love handles.

Oh, yes, Mr. Mayor.

No, sir, it hasn't arrived yet.

What the--

Look out now.

Did you look at my notes

on your speech?

The in-box.

Yes, it says"in"on it, sir.

I'll check back later.

All right, goodbye.

Well, well, what do we have here?

Somebody been working out!

Leah, you looking fine.

Mighty fine.

Did they have to assign you to this?

Spit. Wasn't my idea,

but now I like it.

Baby, when are we hooking up?

I know a spot behind the eye,

has a perfect view.

Perfect for a little rendezvous

between me and you.

Do you know what I' m saying?

I been saying it a long time.

Why would I ever go out with you?

What? I' m a legend!

The chicks line up to divide with me.

Oh, really?

You look like a cell

who divides with himself.

Who cut off the heat?

Somebody pay the bill! It's cold.

Now arriving with some milk, a cold

pill with a pleasant fruity flavor.

Wow, this is huge.

Don't be all impressed.

It's 99% sugar.

Yeah? And 99% of you is just stupid.

Like I haven't heard that one before.

What is that cherry stank?

Special agent

Drixobenzometaphedramine.

"The brand that eases

your coughs and sneezes."

Don't exceed dosage.

If symptoms persist, see a physician.

May cause drowsiness.

Do not operate machinery.

Pregnant women shouldn't handle pills.

I feel better already.

-You can call me"Drix."

-Welcome to Frank.

I'll examine your irritated areas.

Never on the first date, Drips.

-Drix.

-I said that.

-You said"Drips"with a"p."

-Whatever.

This ain't working. I'll ask

the chief to assign someone else.

Wait.

Hold up. I need this job, Leah.

Just give me a shot.

All right. But no screw-ups, you dig?

I promise everything will be fine.

Not as fine as you, but fine.

Man, what you been eating?

That's my effervescent propulsion.

We' re driving with the windows open.

I don't want bubbles

stinking up my ride.

You got that?

Look what you' re doing to my baby.

Don 't touch my radio!

Where you from?

The University of Chicago,

graduated Phi Beta Capsule.

Great, got me a college boy.

FDA-certified for colds and flu...

...and a master's in Symptom Relief.

Where 'd you study?

I grew up on the wrong side of the

digestive tract. No fancy schools.

My high school was crack central.

No, it was in the crack!

Right in the stanky puckered center!

We lived on peanut butter

and cellulite sandwiches.

Ever blow-dry your hair with a fart?

-Okay, you were poor.

- You bet!

Ever make a snowman from paper

cling-ons? That's poor!

You'll make me vomit.

We couldn't afford vomit,

that's for rich folks.

-I have to wipe my eyes.

- Wanna talk about wiping?

You' re all new so follow my lead,

all right?

Wait up! Didn't they teach you

manners in that lvy League petri dish?

Murphy, it's flaring up again!

Give me a status on the pain relief.

Foreign substance in upper....

Inflammation and glandular swelling.

We meet again.

Dougy-Doug, the firebug!

My boy is hot!

Osmosis Jones.

Like I don't have enough problems?

Start redirecting traffic over there.

I' m in charge of this

sore throat, baby.

-You' re kidding me.

-No. Straight up. What we got?

It's a routine sore throat.

Looks like a saliva boat

went haywire and crashed.

Saliva boat? That's pretty unusual.

IKnock down that hot spot, ladder team!

Step away.

The tamperproof seal is there

for your protection.

Not my suedes!

What the dilly?

Por favor, don't shoot!

La Muerte man esta aqui!.

He'll kill us, hombre!

Talk English, man.

We ain't on Telemundo here.

La Muerte Roja!

He's coming, man. I saw him.

I saw him. I saw him!

La Muerte Roja--

When your body's full of aches

A Drixenol is all it takes

Excuse me! What are you doing?

I' m soothing the irritation.

You just soothed my witness

into a germ-cicle.

Don't worry, he'll be normal

in a few days.

That's too late.

He has information on what went down.

Nothing"went down."

It's a common sore throat.

This is a crime scene.

Want to be useful? Plug some

Turtle Wax into that thing...

...and wash my car!

Now that's inflammation relief.

Later, Doug.

Be cool, Oz.

How's it feel working with

the two dumbest animals in the zoo?

-Not bad.

-It's okay.

I' m talking to the camels.

They' re talking to the camels.

Excellent.

I' m so psyched for this long weekend.

Getting out of town?

I' m not getting out of my bathrobe.

I'll get a keg and plop myself down

on the sofa in front of the TV.

Some quality time

with the wife and kids.

What's that smell?

That's Bruno. His tummy's still upset.

No, I' m talking about that

nasty, skanky, sweaty smell.

Shane won't buy me deodorant anymore.

She says it causes cancer.

Did the foot fungus pay up yet?

No, that guy's getting flaky on us.

You ain't going to collect

nothing from him up here in the pit.

Now get down there,

send him a message.

So, this is where the scum of Frank

comes to fester.

Hey, you lost, pal? This is

a private sweat gland. Now beat it!

I' m looking for volunteers. Some

germs who want in on a big score.

Yo, Red, we run the rackets here.

Take your hustle someplace else.

This ain't about no hustle.

This is about the baddest illness

you've ever seen.

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