Osmosis Jones Page #3

Look who thinks he's

the Ebola virus, huh?

Ebola?

Let me tell you something

about Ebola, baby.

Ebola is a case of dandruff

compared to me!

All right, pal. You' re out of here.

Bruiser, take him to the face

and bury him in a blackhead.

It'll take a Swedish facialist

and six steaming washcloths...

...to get you out!

Sounds like a gas, baby. Bring it on.

Bruiser! What are you? A sissy Mary?

What are you doing?

Che fa? What's he doing?

You ain't so tough, huh?

That was nothing.

So, uh...

...what kind of sickness

do you have in mind...

-... boss?

-Deadly.

Hey, Dad.

Hey, Uncle Bob.

Hello, beautiful.

I stopped by the camping store...

...and I got some stuff for the hike.

Right. On this hike, is that

teacher of yours going to be there?

Yeah, my whole class is.

Why?

I was thinking I might

take a rain check.

Mrs. Boyd isn't still mad at you.

I didn't think so.

We could do something better.

Yesterday, without thinking,

I did all my hiking for the week.

I hiked to the liquor store,

the cigarette warehouse....

-But, Dad, you said--

-I said I'd think about it.

It's a holiday weekend.

It's important to be together.

Yeah, I guess you' re right.

Well, I have something special

up my sleeve.

Have you ever seen a rattlesnake

swallow a football?

I don't think she has.

It's fun. Come on.

-Come on. I'll show you.

-Thank you, Uncle Bob.

You' re gonna love it!

Why are we wasting time here?

I am on a 12-hour

time release program.

-Throat, nose, then aches and pains.

-I got it.

Real important stuff.

Wait in the car.

I got police work to do.

One glazed and one

with a jelly-filled nucleus.

Brain memory library.

You got any information

on something called...

-..."EI Morry Roho"?

-Stand by.

I'll check, but we' re really

all about sports statistics here.

-Sir?

-I' m here.

-What you got?

-"La Muerte Roja"is Spanish.

-It means"The Red Death."

-The Red Death?

-Is that some taco sauce?

- You have a nice day.

Yo, Drips!

You ever hear of The Red Death?

Look alive, boys.

Dust at nine o'clock.

Eat hot nose juice, dust.

-We' re here. You happy?

-Hear that?

Quick! The dam is under attack!

Hey, chill, pill!

Snot guns are booger-coating

some dust.

Now, get to work!

This is your big plan?

A sore throat? A stuffy nose?

-People will think you' re--

-A common cold.

Until I make my move,

that's precisely what I want.

Yo, check it out. We got cops here!

Hey, look.

Be careful! That's a pollen pod.

Frank is allergic to this stuff.

-I didn't know he had allergies.

-Of course not.

Pills know nothing

about what goes on in here.

In the words of the immortal

James Brown, get down!

James who?

-Hey, Frank.

-Danny.

Nitwit!

You could've damaged the dam!

Relax, this baby was built to last.

Solid cartilage.

You' re an engineer now.

I need to test the mucous viscosity.

Frank! Why are you leaving so early?

It's all shoveled. Hippo's asleep.

I' m taking Shane to Docky's.

-Did you think of something?

-Yeah, I did great.

I guarantee you there ain't

nothing wrong with this dam.

So you want me to take care of them?

No. Hit all the pressure valves.

They' re about to blow the scene.

What in the name of sweet

bleeding Frank?!

The membrane is cracking, you--

-You missed a spot!

-Come on, fellas. Go!

-Let's get out of here!

-Stop!

Immunity!

What the Frank?

Wait a minute!

Nose hairs!

Watch out!

Look out!

We' re going to die!

I' m standing here.

Can you use a tissue?

-I don't have one.

-Use your imagination.

What's that there?

-Better?

-Much better.

-Better?

-Much better.

I gotta go get her. She'll be

excited and probably call you.

If not for you, none of this

would have ever happened.

If you'll excuse me, I...

... have a nose to dry.

This is Nerve Network News. NNN.

In an act of selfless bravery,

a cold tablet stopped a runny nose.

The heroic tablet will be

honored this afternoon.

Trudy?

In lighter news, there was pandemonium

in the stomach today...

...as animal crackers arrived.

They are adorable, aren't they?

Now, we go live to Cerebellum Hall for

an address from Mayor Phlegmming.

Okay, Mayor.

In five, four, three....

Good evening, citizens of Frank.

In the past few weeks...

... my opponent has used fancy words

to try to confuse the issues.

Words like"exercise,"

"Iow-fat,"and"diet."

Words designed to scare us into

changing what has worked for years.

Well, I say let's stay the course.

Remember, a fat Frank

is a happy Frank.

That's not what I wrote.

I propose something that every

organism in this city will enjoy.

I give you...

...a dream vacation to

the annual chicken wing festival...

...in Buffalo, New York.

Final plans have been made and nothing

is going to stand in our way.

And we' re out.

-That wasn't the speech we agreed on.

-Where's the twerp in the wheelchair?

Hello, Johnny. How you doing?

Congratulations. Excellent work

in the nose. Let's get some pictures.

The caption should read,

"Mayor and Pill Stop Cold... Cold."

Mr. Mayor? Excuse me, sir,

but we have a problem.

Now what, Jones?

Whatever was in the sinuses

is a lot more than a cold.

Don't listen to Jones. His diagnostic

skills are remedial at best!

You iced a key witness

to a viral attack!

It was an accident!

The kind a time-release dipstick

would have.

I am sick of you!

That's it, I can't work with him!

I can't work with you!

Officers, please.

-Jones, what's this virus?

-The virus that torched the throat.

It caused those snot crests

I was surfing!

They were caused by the sneeze,

which you caused.

Then why was that

viral-looking mother fleeing?

We should put the city on full alert.

-Liquids, bed rest. Just to be safe.

-We'll do no such thing.

I won't listen to the white blood cell

with the worst record in Frank.

Keep those opinions

in that mushy head...

...or you'll find yourself

in our next nosebleed. Understood?

Son, I apologize for all this.

Now, why don't we find you

another...

... more capable officer to work with.

Sir, if it's all the same to you...

... I think I'll stay with Jones.

Suit yourself.

You didn't have to do that.

I don't need your sympathy.

It's not sympathy.

I' m here to make Frank feel better.

If this alleged virus...

...impedes my mission,

I must pursue it.

Yeah, whatever.

What did the mayor mean by"record"?

You did something terrible,

didn't you?

Sometimes being too careful

is all it takes.

How so?

I was cruising the digestive tract,

just minding my own business.

Outside was Shane 's science fair.

Everyone was excited.

The winner would get their picture

in the local paper.

-Think they'll like my volcano?

-All the parents are going home sad.

Their kids' projects are cardboard

and glitter paint and science.

Shane, yours is art.

-Wow, what a great tepee.

-Tepee?

Mrs. Delirious, come on.

I'll check the competition. Try and

learn them something about volcanos.

Partner, what you got there?

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