Osmosis Jones Page #4

These are polluted oysters.

Well, they were polluted.

I replanted them six months ago.

That's how long the state says.

Every time the tide came in,

they'd flush...

...all the bad stuff out.

Can you eat them?

Well, if my hypotenuse is correct,

sure.

Yeah, definitely.

You got yourself a sale.

You should check your math

on that one.

I was in the kidneys

while a 6-31 was in progress.

That's incoming shellfish.

I went to the stomach, to be safe.

Unscheduled shellfish

now arriving at gate six.

And you must be Shane's dad.

Guilty as charged. Frank Detorre.

Pleasure to meet you.

I am Mrs. Boyd.

I am Shane's science and PE teacher.

I am just absolutely crazy

about your daughter.

She is a doll.

If you mean that, I'll keep her.

Oh, my God.

That is so funny!

Oh, my God, I got the giggles.

She's a sweetie-pie.

She wants to go to the city

and help people someday.

No kidding.

You mean like a concierge?

No, like, poor people.

Yeah, she told me that.

Frank, it's so wonderful to see...

...Shane participating

in the science fair.

Since her mother passed away,

she's had a really hard time...

... being part of the group activities.

She's going to be okay.

And then I saw him.

He was on the clammiest oyster

I'd ever seen.

Mr. Detorre?

Are you okay?

Those oysters.

The oysters?

Oh, yeah, that's Zach's project.

He's a little slow.

The doctor says he has a brain

the size of a tangerine.

We gave him this project

to push him along.

He just started it this morning,

which is funny.

We'll give him an 'A' anyway.

We'll give him an 'A' anyway.

Mr. Detorre?

There was no time for questions.

I did what I had to do.

Look at that guy!

You can guess which photo

made it to the paper the next day.

Overnight, Frank became

the town laughingstock.

The photo ran in every daily

across the country.

He got fired from his job

at the pea soup factory.

Lucky for us, Bob hooked up

Frank with a job at the zoo.

It was a 90% cut in pay,

but it was the best we could do.

Needless to say,

none of this helped Shane.

And as for me, I got suspended

for unnecessary force.

Since then, every day I wonder:

"Did I do the right thing?"

From the description,

it sounds like you were justified.

Excuse me?

Oysters are filled

with dangerous bacteria.

I've been trying to tell everybody!

-I never thought you 'd be on my side.

-I never thought you 'd be right.

Sir, we have a strict

no-shoes-no-service policy.

You have to leave.

Is that how you treat

the handicapped?

Handicap?

I have a chronic

ingrown-toe condition.

Doctors say that soon

I won't be able to wear...

-...even the roomiest of footwear.

-I'll bring your menus.

Bring some clam strips

and some steamers...

...when you come, please?

What's the big surprise?

I know you wanted to go

on a trip this weekend, so....

Buffalo?

Buffalo, New York.

The buffalo wing festival

this weekend.

Great. So, what's the big surprise?

We got tickets!

I called a scalper!

Look.

Ninety-nine kinds of wings.

One hundred and twenty-eight

different dipping sauces.

You love math.

Crunch the numbers on that.

The possibilities are infinite.

Look! Here you are.

Ms. Chicken Wing Festival.

See this?

He's the champion.

But he won't be for long.

Because I' m coming.

I' m coming to get you, baby. Fun?

Yeah, that's really cool, Dad.

See, I told you she'd be excited.

Now, tidy up, will you?

Okay, Frank. This is your conscience

speaking. Now listen carefully.

This hiking trip means

a lot to her. Make it work.

Use that charm.

What's wrong now?

Oh, jeez.

Oh, it's this damn toe.

Do me a favor, huh?

Don't you get old.

Listen to the toe.

Don't you get old.

Boss, your plan worked.

That's right. I got this city

exactly where I want it.

-What about the cop and the pill?

-If they give us a problem:

Fire!

Get it down! Money on the wood

make the game go good.

Five bucks says size don't matter.

Let's do this thing now.

-Chicken-pock fights.

-Get back!

Yeah, get him!

That's my baby! Try the headlock!

-See that dude?

-A virus! We should arrest him!

No, that used to be a virus,

now he's on our side.

-That's Chill. He's a flu shot.

-He doesn't look fluish.

Just stay here and watch

the maestro work.

Yo, Chill! Chill!

Pock fights are against the law.

Where you all going?

Thanks a lot, junior.

You just cost me twenty.

Money won't be your problem if

you don't tell me about the sinuses.

I was injected into this body

to rat on influenza only.

And this don't sound

like influenza to me. Now beat it.

I bet Johnny Streptococcus and the

Melanoma family will be interested...

...to hear about your work.

You can't jack me on that, brother!

I' m in the virus protection program.

You, virus. Children's strength

ought to take care of you.

You done done it now, Chill.

He's a psycho cop.

It's too late to spill it.

Just off the Thorazine.

He's cuckoo for Cocoa Puffs.

He's going EI Pollo Loco

on your crazy behind.

I just can't look.

All right!

The guy's big time.

He goes by the name of Thrax.

Go to that new place.

The Zit, on the head.

You can't miss it. It's huge.

They' re meeting tonight.

I' m out.

But you didn't hear that from me.

You didn't hear that from me.

Next time, I'll be the bad cop.

You are a bad cop.

Who you calling a bad cop?

My, what big zits he has.

How does this happen?

You wash your face

with fried chicken.

Wait. Where do you think you' re going?

-To get our cootie.

-Like that?

-They'll tear you up. Get spiffy.

-Spiffy?

Peep this. Check it out.

Pliable cellular dynamics.

What an ingenious defense mechanism.

Ooh, let me try.

What do you think?

You should guard the car.

This is my mission too.

I am going in with you.

All right. But we gotta

get you something to wear.

You sure this is working?

Trust me, it's perfect.

Perfect.

We got company. Be cool.

Now, try to relax. Fit in.

Shake a tail cell or something.

I don't dance.

I have no left feet.

You don't dance?

Don't tell me you ain't

never gotten jiggy with it.

I don't believe I have.

Come on, baby, give me

a little bit of this.

Oh, all right.

-Here you go.

-That's it, baby.

-Get down.

-Don't let it settle at the bottom.

Oh, mama. Yo!

You stay and practice.

Boy, you need it.

If I' m not back in five,

you come looking, okay?

Barkeep, what you got?

-You got a problem with that?

-No. It's just the way I like it:

Extra disgusting.

Three teams will move through

the cranial artery...

...and one through

the nasal passages.

We are going to the brain, baby.

And we are stealing one of these.

This sucker comes from a place

called the hypothalamus gland.

Hypothalamus. Hypothalamus.

Controls the temperature for the body.

We are going to march in

and take the prize.

Frank's gonna heat up

like a sidewalk on a summer day.

Go away.

I need to talk to you.

What a zit!

What is it? What do you want?

I want you to help me.

Should I call the cops?

Or maybe Shane should know

Rate this script:4.0 / 4 votes