Otley Page #5

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Have you finished with these?

While we're on the subject

of deception, Rollo,

was it you who told ICS

that I was on Albert's houseboat?

What? Oh, no, no, of course not, Gerry.

That would be Hendrickson.

I had orders to phone him

should you get in touch with me.

Oh, I see.

Well, no offence.

Glad that's settled.

I'll be off now.

Things to do.

Erm... there is just one thing, Gerry.

There is something

you could still do for us.

- Oh no.

- It would be a big help.

Look, love, I've just had

the worst week of me life.

Anyhow, A, I don't want to push me luck,

B, your whole scene's sick,

and C, though I'd like to

save the world for democracy,

I've got something on this afternoon.

God Save the Queen.

- Mr Otley?

- That's me.

Would you come this way, please?

Would you be s...

Would you be so good as to read out

the number on the black Ford Zephyr

parked adjacent

to the tree over there?

Yes, of course. Five...

You can distinguish the number, Mr Otley?

Yes, 536 XKE.

Thank you. Which is the vehicle

you're using for the driving test?

Over there.

Right, Mr Otley,

should we start the car, then?

Don't start off,

just start the motor.

Mr Otley, you do know

where the starter is?

Oh, yes. Sorry.

Should we proceed up the road,

taking the second turning on the right,

and then follow my instructions.

Pedestrians!

We must have consideration

for other road users, Mr Otley.

Would you reverse around this corner?

What are you doing, Mr Otley?

Erm... just checking the hubcaps.

Would you turn left now, please?

I said left, Mr Otley.

This exercise is designed

to test your aptitude

in starting off

from a stationary position

while the car is on an upward incline.

Now, if you would just

move off for me.

Once again.

If you could just return to the

Municipal buildings.

I've had just about

enough of this lot!

There's no need to take it personally.

It's this clutch.

I told them about it weeks ago.

Hey!

Why can't the bastards leave me alone?

We all have our jobs to do, Mr Otley.

I'm afraid, Mr Otley, your driving

has not reached the standard

required by the Ministry.

Now, if we could just...

What about that

for an emergency stop, then?

And here's the three point turn,

You failed, Mr Otley.

I'm trying to tell you, you failed.

All right, Mr Otley, you've passed.

Look, look, I'm filling in

the pass form now.

- What kept you?

- We came the long way round.

What is it now?

Our big white chief wanted

to see you. That was all.

Well, you'd think

he could afford a lift.

I am responsible for this section.

I have to answer to

the people above, Cabinet members,

who are none too keen on

allowing an illegal organisation

such as ICS to function with the apparent

blessing of Her Majesty's Government.

And now, with

this Hendrickson business,

well, the situation is very delicate.

We need him back, and quickly.

I'm sure you do. Big hang-up.

You'll have to sign this.

It's all Official Secrets Act nonsense.

Don't bother to read it.

It won't mean a thing to you.

Why do I have to sign that?

I thought I'd just be off now.

I told you everything that happened.

You are in a very

unique position, Mr, erm...

...Otley.

You're an unknown quantity to them,

who's emerged from

one or two nasty situations

with what could be mistaken for

a great degree of professionalism.

They know you're not with us,

but you could possibly be with

another intelligence agency.

There are a number who would like

to have the link we have with ICS.

Especially our American friends.

You see, ICS will know

where Hendrickson is,

and we think that Proudfoot

might well come to, er...

an arrangement with you.

Now, hang on!

I know this is my chance to make up

for getting out of National Service

with a perforated eardrum,

but I'm making a point-blank categorical

refusal to be involved any further.

We will of course compensate you well.

We could hardly expect you

to help us without a fair reward.

Look, Mr Ha...

I mean, Sir Alec,

don't just assume

that I can be bought.

It still needs a very great deal...

How fair would this reward be?

I thought for a moment

that was Gerry Otley.

Oh, hello, Lin, Albert.

Granny's postal order arrived, did it?

Look, can't stop.

Like the harp, though.

Yeah, he's just bought it,

the idiot.

You shouldn't talk to me.

It could be dangerous.

- He's coming on a bit strong.

- Oh, shut up.

You've never been

dangerous to be with.

Good morning. Welcome to

the Playboy Club, I'm Bunny Anne.

- Yes, Mr Proudfoot's table, please.

- Oh, you must be Mr Motley.

Otley. Bunny Otley.

What's this, The Naked Lunch?

I thought you'd like it.

The flesh, I mean.

Well, I'm not sure I fancy a great bare

bosom dangling in my Vichyssoise.

- You've changed your image.

- Well, my cover's broken now.

At least I don't have to go around

as that scruffy layabout, um, er... Otley.

I won't embarrass you

by asking who you do work for.

I know how sensitive about

these things you CIA people are.

You mustn't jump to conclusions.

It's really of no consequence.

What do you want Hendrickson for?

Well, it's obvious, isn't it?

For what he knows of

British Intelligence, what he can tell us.

Incredible. If it had been a Chinaman

or a Czech I'd had hidden away

you wouldn't have cared less.

But because he's British...

And to think that the public assume

that the Western security networks

collaborate.

Well, they're very nave.

I know a good man for that.

- I'd like to ask you a question.

- Yes?

What would you do if I said no?

We'd close you down.

My people, that is.

In that case,

we're in business.

Good.

Now I'd like to ask you a question.

Yes?

What does

"Saltimbocca alla Romana" mean?

Here you are.

Anything else, Sir?

No, thanks.

Oh, yes, yes.

Er, would you clean

those trousers for me?

Those ones, yes.

Yes, you'll need something

for getting Saltimbocca alla Romana out.

Of course, sir.

Oh, and don't forget about the television,

will you, eh? Colour, remember.

Colour, sir.

Can I do your room, sir?

Give us a chance.

I haven't started me porridge yet.

I don't know how you eat that stuff.

It's you! Not before time!

Two days I've sat up here.

Proudfoot rang last night.

He wants me to go to some

health farm until he contacts me.

Good.

Is it? All right, I might have fooled him

over some expense account nosh-up,

but it can't go on for ever.

I haven't had the training.

I thought at least you'd give me

a crash course in karate

and a Smith and Wesson

under me armpit.

- Well, you've got this instead.

- No, thanks. I had one for Christmas.

- It's a micro-radio transmitter.

- What's that for?

So we know where you are.

We can pick up its bleep

within a fifty-mile radius.

You switch it on like this.

That's all I am to you lot.

A bleep.

While we're on the subject,

Hadrian would like his lighter back.

What lighter?

The one you stole from his office.

I took it in lieu of danger money.

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