Otley Page #6

Synopsis: Gerald Otley, a petty thief and garbage rummager, wakes up one morning, after a drunken night on the town, and finds that he is wanted by the police for murder. And that is only the ...
Genre: Comedy
Director(s): Dick Clement
Production: Columbia Pictures
  1 win.
 
IMDB:
6.3
M
Year:
1969
91 min
52 Views


I gather it's just me

going down to that health farm.

I'll write every day.

It's all right for you, Superwoman.

I'm just a normal healthy girl.

Ah, yes. I suppose you share a flat

in Chelsea with a student nurse,

and a nice young man,

works for Lufthansa,

comes over every Friday night

for his hot chocolate.

One thing. How come you're backing

Britain with an accent like that?

I came here as an au pair girl

to a Cabinet Minister,

and he made a pass,

so they switched me to Intelligence.

Now eat your porridge

before it gets cold.

- Perhaps Imogen should be at the health farm too.

- No cover.

I would suggest, sir,

I mean in Otley's case,

- that we keep pretty close to him.

- No cover.

If ICS see us around, it blows

the top off the whole thing.

Off Otley too, come to that.

Brief him by phone and tell him

to do what Proudfoot asks.

You know, dear, I always thought

that colonic irrigation

was something to do with agriculture.

Hmm, yes, of course.

And then he came towards me

with that dreadful thing...

I mean, what I mean is, it's

uncomfortable carrying this around.

This is twice the weight

of my golf clubs.

Trouble is, you're going to

put it back on again.

I mean, it stands to reason.

If you take it off quick,

you put it back on quick.

I don't know what a young man

like you is doing here.

You've got no weight problems.

What do you mean?

I weighed seventeen stone

last Thursday.

Well, gentlemen, stick it out!

You want a massage, Mr Otley?

No, I do not. I had enough

of that bloody nonsense yesterday.

Been working up an appetite?

There's fruit and yoghurt

for you today.

Oh, it's you, Rodney!

Well, of course I was upset.

It was very embarrassing,

in front of all those people.

I mean, violence is all very well

in Grosvenor Square,

but throwing a plateful of spaghetti

and scampi in someone's face at a party

is a little too militant.

Of course I know she's your wife!

I've got feelings too!

- Mr Otley?

- Yes.

Well, is she going to be there?

Well, I don't know, Rodney.

Yes, but...

You said she didn't care.

She certainly seems to.

Well, I do have a sense of humour,

but how would you like it, Rodney,

if someone called you a "middle-class tart"

in front of your mother?

Oh, lovely!

Mmm!

That's good.

God, it's you.

What did you do that for?

I thought it was the dietitian.

Have a chip.

- Enjoying yourself?

- I'm having the time of me life.

I've had four days

of fruit and yoghurt,

and every day I get pummelled to death

by some sadistic Nipponese.

And that janitor

charged me a quid for these.

He must be making a packet.

You are looking better for it.

What are you doing here, anyway?

I thought I was on me own.

I talked it over with Rollo.

We thought it was too risky

leaving you without a contact.

Well, they told me "no cover at all".

- Does Hadrian know you're here?

- No.

Oh, I see.

Well, I'm very flattered at your concern.

Where are you staying?

Here.

I suppose the department has

an official classification for this?

Yes, sex.

Yes, well, this could mark a

significant change in our relationship.

Yes, perhaps it will.

You don't mind?

No, I'm delighted.

It's just that, er... these sauna baths

do rather take it out of you.

Get out and get dressed.

You'll have to try to

explain me away to the chambermaids.

- What?

- The room maids.

You'll have to explain me away.

You'll have to do that, my love.

Gerry? Gerry, what

the hell are you doing?

I'm off to meet

your old mate, Hendrickson.

Have they contacted you?

Gerry, for God's sake, let me out!

Listen, my little flower, Hadrian was adamant

about no cover and then you turn up.

Within the last two weeks I've acquired

a professional mistrust of everyone.

If I'm wrong,

I'll take you out to dinner.

Gerry!

Let's hope you're bleeping

loud and clear.

Gerry, listen to me!

I've passed this way before,

haven't I?

So, you were with Johnston.

Whatever happened to him?

We have our methods.

How are you going

to get him out, Gerry?

I told you. We have our methods.

Huh!

Least I bloody well hope so.

Come on now, I've done me bit.

I only hope the US cavalry's

lurking in that turnip field.

Stupid.

Hendrickson?

Hendrickson!

It's me, Otley.

Yes, I can see that.

Listen, there's no one with me.

I'm on my own, you know.

I mean, I'm not

armed or anything,

I am.

Look, it's not what you think.

I'm here independently.

My people would like

to do a deal with you.

Proudfoot told me all that.

- Oh, did he?

- Do you know what I said?

"Send the little bastard to me.

Alone.

"And let him convince me."

Well, that's what I've

come here to do, Hendrickson.

The thing is, my people...

Who are your people, Otley?

Are they Hadrian? Rollo?

And the lovely Imogen?

Of course, I'm not prepared to say

who my people are yet.

But surely you don't think I can have come

this far without some sort of backing, do you?

I'll tell you one thing, Otley.

This is as far as you are coming.

Now, look here, Hendrickson,

you can't frighten me!

Your people!

You've been a catspaw, little man.

A sheep in sheep's clothing,

and a bloody nuisance!

All right, Otley, let's have you!

My back!

I'm sorry.

I didn't know it was in reverse.

I was only trying to...

Hang on.

No!

I thought you wanted

Hendrickson back.

I thought you wanted an

inter-departmental scapegoat,

not a bloody corpse.

Under the circumstances

I preferred the corpse.

And, not being a

complete idiot, Mr Otley,

no doubt you can work out

just what those circumstances are.

I must thank you for

a good job well done.

Very professional.

I'm learning.

And what have you learned today?

Well, if you wanted to

shut Hendrickson up that badly,

you must have a hell of a lot

to hide yourself.

- I do,

- ICS?

All mine.

So the head cowboy

turns out to be the chief Indian,

Well, you could put it that way.

You took a bit of a risk,

didn't you, using me?

But you did very well.

Proudfoot was the main hurdle,

but you convinced him.

Yes, I did, didn't I?

You want to sack him.

Proudfoot's case is pending.

What about me?

I suppose I'm for the chop now.

No, no, no, no, I don't think so.

You can't harm me, and your death

might be rather hard to explain.

No, as it is,

you fit in rather nicely.

It will simply seem as if you got

the better of Mr Hendrickson.

Oh, and don't worry.

There won't be any

sort of repercussions.

After all, you are technically

one of our operators.

Of course, officially

we would have liked him alive,

but then we'll put that down

to your inexperience.

Like a lift?

Right, listen, and don't you sulk just

because I locked you in the lavatory.

All right, it might have misfired,

but anyhow I did it for the right reasons.

The fact remains that Hadrian,

hours before a grateful nation

is due to give him a knighthood,

has been exposed

by Gerald Arthur Otley.

This... are you ready?

This is a tape recording

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Dick Clement

Dick Clement, OBE (born 5 September 1937) is an English writer known for his writing partnership with Ian La Frenais. They are most famous for television series including The Likely Lads, Whatever Happened to the Likely Lads?, Porridge, Lovejoy and Auf Wiedersehen, Pet. more…

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Submitted on August 05, 2018

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