Out to Sea Page #8

Synopsis: Care-free Charlie cons his widower brother-in-law Herb into an expenses-paid luxury cruise in search of rich, lonely ladies. The catch is that they are required to be dance hosts! With a tyrannical cruise director, and the luscious Liz and lovely Vivian, our heroes have lots of mis-adventures before they finally return to port.
Genre: Comedy, Romance
Director(s): Martha Coolidge
Production: Twentieth Century Fox Home Entertainment
 
IMDB:
6.1
Metacritic:
49
Rotten Tomatoes:
36%
PG-13
Year:
1997
106 min
284 Views


- And he's... He's... a decent man.

- Terrific.

And he makes me laugh.

You not only snagged yourself

a millionaire...

you're gonna have laughs

into the bargain.

Yeah.

The last tender

for shore departs in five minutes.

Please remember that all passengers

must return to ship by 4:30.

We will be raising the anchor at

5:
00 p. m. And setting sail for Cozumel.

- Hell, he probably... He

probably changed his mind.

- No, Ma.

- Hi, sweetheart.

- Oh, hi.

- Oh, you look enchanting.

- Oh, thank you.

Hello... Mother.

Charlie, don't

overshoot the runway.

I love family.

We'd better get goin'.

Oh, it's Mr. Gordon. Don't let this one

get away. He's a good one.

Mrs. Carruthers, Gil Godwyn,

this is Mavis and Liz "LaDreck. "

- LaBreche.

- How you doin'?

Hmm.

That's a familiar cologne, Mr. Gordon.

Yes. Thank you. You can

pick it up anywhere.

Matter of fact, I picked

some up this morning... on my pillow.

This guy's hilarious.

Liz, have you had the chance yet

of dancing with Mr. Gordon?

-No,not yet,but I'm looking forward to it.

-See you in the ballroom, Gordon...

with the rest

of the dance hosts.

With the rest

of the what?

Oh, he's always kidding around.

He thinks I should become a dance host.

Charlie, I'm confused here.

- You told me that you were

in mergers and acquisitions.

- Well, he is.

His job is to acquire a partner and

to merge with her on the dance floor.

Isn't that right, Gordon?

Liz, I was gonna

mention this to you.

That would have been

a good idea.

You see... Wait a minute, Liz.

Come back. Let me explain.

Where are you going,

Mother?

I hate losers.

Thanks a lot, pal.

Gil? What just happened?

- Well, where's your mother?

- She's not coming back on board.

You can tell your friend

she's going home.

- Where's my friend?

- Question of the day.

- What the hell are you doin' up here?

- Oh, hi.

Ah, Charlie, I'm...

I'm still in love with Suzie.

- It seems to present a problem.

- It's only a problem if you want it to be.

- Don't start with me, huh?

- Go on after Vivian. Go now.

- Look, I hardly know her.

- You know her, and you're crazy about her.

The question is, have you got the balls

to do anything about it?

- Well, I... I'm just not ready yet.

- Then get ready.

- You're here now. You're living.

You're breathing. You got a choice.

- I can't do it.

- Will you stop using Suzie as a safety net.

Wait a minute. Who in the hell

are you to tell me...

She was my sister

before she was your wife.

If she were here now,

she'd tell you the same thing.

But she is not here now,

is she, Charlie?

She's gone.

That's right, Herb,

but you're not.

- What the hell am I doin' here?

- That's what I asked you in the first place.

I am not authorized

to give you that information.

Hey, I'm not authorized to throw

your ass overboard, but I'll do it.

Now tell me

where she is.

You'd better tell him, mister. This man's

got a black belt in sum flung dung...

or one of them things.

Please.

All right, look. All I know is we got

a message that she's flying home.

- She's flying?

- Yes.

- From where?

- I have no idea.

All right, all right.

Stop the car. Stop the car.

Stop the car!

Stop... Stop the car.

Oh, my Lord!

Where in the...

Oh. Look, I don't think

you understand us at all.

We want to go

to the airport.

- S, seora. The airport.

- That thing?

- Oh, my Lord.

- I get the luggage.

No. Leave the luggage where it is, please.

Wait a minute.

I see somebody.

Right out of the corner of my eye.

Don't you move.

You stay right where you are.

Come on, dear.

Come on. Uh, excuse me,

but maybe you could help me.

This crazy cab driver's

tryin'to tell me that this is a...

- "aerioporto. "

- S.

- Ayayay.

-I don't believe this.I don't believe this.

All right, if this

is the "aerioporto... "

then maybe you can

show me a... a piloto.

- You're looking at him.

- What?

You want a lift,

sweetcakes?

- My God Almighty, did you

hear what he just called me?

- Sure did.

- Come on.

- Are you crazy? This is dangerous.

What's the matter, Charlie?

You afraid to live a little?

Living is good.

It's dying I'm worried about.

Where are Gordon and Sullivan?

And don't give me any of that

"code among comrades" crap.

Sir! Don't have

the foggiest. Sir!

Oh, bollocks!

Uh... Pardon me.

Pardon me.

This should be good.

- $500 cash.

- Are you out of your mind?

- That's too much money.

- That doesn't mean I ain't a good pilot.

Look at this. Look at this.

It's J.F.K. All of a sudden.

Buenas noches.

I have an idea, Ma.

Just stay with me.

Good evenin'. I don't know you,

but this man over here...

says that he will charge us $500

to get to a real airport.

Now, would you be interested

in splittin' that with us?

- Absolutely.

- You got a deal.

You wanna ride shotgun?

Don't touch me.

- Okay, get ready, kid.

- And where do we think we're going?

Oh, hi there. We're just gonna go

scouting for some icebergs.

You two geezers aren't going anywhere except

back to your cabin where you will stay...

Listen to me, you sniveling

little brownnose!

I have lived for 71 years,

I fought a war, I buried my wife...

and I have survived

48 white sales at Gimbel's.

So if you think that some little fop like you

is gonna stop me, you got another think comin!

How dare you

speak to me that way!

- May I speak to you for a moment, please?

- No, you may not!

Oh!

Way to go, Charlie!

I can't stop it, Charlie!

Hang on, Charlie!

We're gonna hit!

Bon voyage, meathead.

I hope your boat

capsizes...

and you drown

like bloody rats!

- Bye.!

- When that old bag makes me V. P...

I'll see to it you never work

another cruise ship...

as long as you live!

Hah!

Good evening, Ellen.

Eh...

- What are you doing out here?

- You know, Gil...

I find it hard to believe, but

it really is true. You are an a**hole.

- Oh. I'm simply doing my job.

- Oh, you have no job.

You're fired.

Mac?

- As of now, you are my new C.D.

- No...

What about me?

You're...

his friend.

What the hell

is she talking about?

She's talkin' about

"button that button," you little prick.

Prick.

You know what

I don't see? Land.

- It's there.

- I see nothing but night.

Hope we don't get stranded.

You know, these are

shark-infested waters.

We're not

gonna get stranded.

They say that the big ones

will swallow you whole.

Swallow my what?

You're not helping me,

Charles.

- Here, let me do that.

- What makes you think you can do it?

- Because I'm taller than you are.

- Oh, that has nothin' to do with it, taller.

It's in...

It's in the wrist.

We did it.

- We did it.

- Yeah.

Well, it turns nicely.

Sit down, will ya, so I

can see where I'm goin'.

Eh!

- Are you from the cruise?

- Uh-huh.

- I thought so.

- Now, here he comes.

- Be careful. Watch your head.

- Good evening, ladies, and welcome aboard.

- Oh, my God.

- And thank you for choosing Vaya Azul.

Oh, my God.

Piece of sh*t.

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Robert Nelson Jacobs

Robert Nelson Jacobs (born 1954) is an American screenwriter. In 2000, he received an Academy Award nomination for best adapted screenplay for Chocolat. In 2014, Jacobs was elected president of the Writers Guild Foundation, a non-profit organization devoted to promoting and preserving the craft of writing for the screen. more…

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Submitted on August 05, 2018

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