Outrageous Fortune Page #3

second that he would lower himself.

Oh, he lowered himself, all right.

This is all a lie. You are

psychotic. Yes, that's right.

I've known from the first time I

saw you sleaze into that office.

You lied to that phone man...

you lied your way into the

class and you're lying now.

- I'm gonna get you for this!

- Whoa!

Whoa, my... Oh!

Well, what the hell?

- Well, that's not his...

- No way. Look at that.

- It's too small.

- It's a f***in' pencil.

- Where's the appendix scar?

- And that little mole?

It's somebody else! He's alive!

He's alive! He's a...

Well, thank you. Wait a minute,

wait a minute. This was my idea.

I don't care, I'm gonna handle this.

You don't have the dimmest,

dullest notion how to handle this.

You can't just walk in and bluntly

announce this kind of thing.

Thing, thing. What kind of

thing are you talking about?

You can't even say it. You

sure as hell can't tell 'em.

And just what do you think the

response is going to be when you do?

You suggest...

You suggest...

You suggest that on the basis of

this little nugget of testimony...

we spend tax dollars

on an investigation?

Have you been listening to us?

The man in the morgue could

not possibly be Michael Santers.

All you have to do is look at his...

If you were to look...

in the region...

If you were to look down.

Michael was not a guy other guys would

have made fun of in a locker room, okay?

- I think he's got the big picture now.

- Well, I don't think he does.

This guy in the morgue, whoever he is...

he's got, uh...

Does the phrase "needle dick..."

"the bug f***er," mean anything to you?

- I beg your pardon!

- You big lunkhead!

Now get outta here and don't come back.

The model of tact and decorum.

Oh, who gives a sh*t?

He wasn't gonna help us.

Well, of course not! You sounded insane.

Oh, it is insane.

If he's alive, where is he?

He's probably back at my house,

wonderin' where the hell I am.

- Taxi! - Your

house? - Taxi!

- Oh. - Taxi!

- Wait a minute.

- W-W-Wait just a minute

here. - Come here! Taxi!

I don't believe for one minute

that he's at your apartment.

Oh, boy, are you gonna sh*t cement!

Taxi! Taxi!

If Michael is anywhere, I

assure you he is at my place.

- Taxi, taxi!

- Oh, you believe that?

I believe that he loved

me, that he barely knew you.

And you're... you're fantasizing

a relationship that is probably...

- an isolated, drunken encounter.

- Isolated? Isolated?

Hey, this girl does not

have one-night stands.

Every guy I have ever slept with...

and we are way into double digits

here, has come back for more.

Every single one!

- You wanna hit me, right? - Oh, wouldn't

I just love it. - Okay, give it a try.

Give it a try. Let's go, let's go.

Bob and weave, honey. Bob and weave.

- Who dresses you anyway?

- Okay, okay. Try it. Okay.

Stand still, you little b*tch. I'm

gonna bash your little WASP brains out.

I'm gonna hit you. I'm gonna murder you.

- That's what I'm gonna do.

- Talk about dingbats.

They'll lead us right to him.

- Nine... Nine years of ballet!

- You're too weird to hit.

- Taxi! - Oh, taxi!

- Taxi! - Taxi!

Taxi! Well, now wait just

a minute. Wait just a...

All right, all right. Okay, okay. You

insist Michael is at your apartment.

I think he's at mine.

So we'll go to both.

If he's at your place, which I doubt...

then I will tell him

goodbye and good riddance.

If on the other hand he's at mine...

you will find yourself a nice

biker and compare tattoos.

Oh!

You see, he's here.

Now don't make a scene.

Try to be adult about this.

- Oh, my God.

- Relax, it's just thieves.

Russian thieves?

He was here.

- Colton's?

- They're looking for Michael.

Let me see.

Hi, Mrs Hardy.

- Who are these morons?

- I don't know.

Stop! Come back!

Oh, oh. Oh, God.

- Oh, my God.

- Help me.

Come on!

Pretty baby.

- Oh!

- Put it down. This isn't supposed to be up.

Oh, damn! You messed up the thingee!

You crazy bastards.

Mr Atkins, these girls are

bimbos. They know nothing.

- What do we want 'em for?

- They know he survived.

They may know where he is. We

gotta get back on the trail.

So we're gonna cover every

airport, every bus depot...

every train station, every

car rental out of this city.

- Oh, God.

- Oh, my God.

Well, so much for your

apartment. You wanna try mine?

They've been here. Oh, my God.

Wait a minute. Nobody's

been here. This is normal.

- Come on. Geez!

- Oh, no.

Michael? Michael?

Michael? Michael? Mi...

- He's not here.

- I'm going to find him.

- Oh yeah? -

Yeah. - Where?

Well, he... he could be hiding,

he could be hurt. I don't know.

But I know that he needs

me. Now if you'll excuse me.

Where you gonna look? His apartment?

You think he's gonna be hangin' out at

his apartment, someone wants to kill him?

Oh, well, I'm not

going to his apartment.

- Then where are you going?

- Isn't that my business?

Okay, look. Hold it, okay?

All right, if you have an

idea, you might as well tell me.

And we'll both go. We'll go find

him and we'll help him out of this.

And then we'll make him choose.

- Choose?

- Yeah.

- Between us?

- Yeah.

- I doubt that he'll know your name.

- Then we're on.

I mean, you're so goddam sure it's

gonna be you, what do you care?

I'm confident, yes.

Well, so am I. So let's go.

- Good.

- Oh, wait. I gotta fluff.

Could you fluff a little faster?

- What is that?

- I got it off a Christmas tree at Saks.

- You defiled a Christmas tree?

- No one saw.

What, nothing for the nose?

Oh, Lady Di, explain this to me.

The man's afraid for his life.

He's not gonna stop and buy tobacco.

Oh, you obviously didn't spend the

kind of time with Michael that I did.

- He... He couldn't last a day without his Colton's.

- I knew that.

Uh-huh. Did you also know this is the

only place in town that carries it?

- I didn't know that.

- No, no, you didn't.

Now, listen. This time,

let me handle this.

Your simplest exchanges with

people become pornographic.

- That is a f***ing lie.

- Need I say more.

Excuse me, sir.

Yeah, I know the guy.

Have you seen him? Was he here today?

Yeah, maybe.

Maybe not.

When do you think you

might arrive at a decision?

Uh, over a drink?

Mm-hmm. Wouldn't you feel

better, as a person...

just unselfishly helping somebody find

out something she really needs to know?

No. How 'bout dinner?

- How 'bout a blow job?

- How 'bout a...

- What did you say?

- Right here. Right now. Both of us.

Kind of, uh, taking turns.

- He was in here this afternoon.

- This afternoon?

- You sure it was this afternoon?

- Yeah, right at my lunch break.

1:
00. He bought 10 pouches of Colton's.

- What else?

- Nothing. He was kinda in a hurry.

He used the phone and then

he ran right out of here.

He used the phone at 1:00? Is that it?

That's all she wrote, baby.

Here or in the back?

I think I can take care of it from here.

Couple of floozies!

Oh, my God.

- That is the most disgusting, unscrup...

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