Outrageous Fortune Page #7

the Chicatacawa since 1968.

I got a tan. What do you want for $20?

Honey, I'm an actress. I love to dress

up and pretend. And the hat is fabulous.

But what we need right

now is to find a man.

Well, okay, but it's

not gonna be that great.

- I'm a little bombed.

- What?

And it's still $20.

No. No, no. No, no, no.

- We're looking for a specific man...

- So we can kill him.

Oh, then you need a witness. Hey,

I'll stand up for you in court.

I saw the whole thing. It was an

accident. The axe slipped out of your hand.

It's a wonderful scenario. When we

find the guy, we're gonna let you know.

- Thanks.

- Find him?

Find as in "locate"? "Track down"?

Hey, now we are rollin'. We have

hit the nail right on the hammer.

I'm a tracker. That's

my vocation... a tracker.

A guy who tracks down other

guys. That's my main gig!

Genuine Indian sh*t.

- What do you think?

- He's a bum.

But he might have good instincts.

Should we ask for references?

Hey, you wanna find this guy or not?

- Ah, ancient Indian techniques.

- Oh, those could be anybody's.

Yeah, they could...

anybody about 185 pounds...

dragging his right leg a

little like it's injured.

And...

smoking one hand-rolled Colton's...

every three minutes.

Admit it. The man is cool.

- Yeah, come on.

- Oh, baby.

Yeah, why you do this to me, huh?

Oh, my God.

Wow! That is some major

ill repute happening there.

- Come on, let's go.

- No, no, don't try it.

You'll never get past

Gert. It's customers only.

Come on, let's get out

of here. Come on. Hey.

- Let's go, will ya. Come on.

- Customers?

Customers! You get his

shirt, I'll get his pants.

What? Come on! You had your chance

at me, and you lost it. Come on, now!

- Oh, I want the hat.

- Will you stop it!

Who do you think you're kiddin', huh?

How old are you boys?

Thirteen? Fourteen?

Hell, you're just babies.

Why, you can't even shave yet.

- Your daddy know you're here?

- Hell, yes. He told us where to come.

Come. Get it?

Oh. First time.

Oh, no way!

- It's his first time.

- What'd you tell her that fer?

- You chickenshit, huh?

- I ain't! I done it plenty!

- You chickenshit. You chickenshit.

- Oh, you always tell my secrets. I'm gonna get you.

Chickenshit... Oh, lordy, don't do that.

That ain't no way to act in a whorehouse.

Be a man. Be a man!

This is Tina and Maria. Have fun.

Yeah, now tell me how

we're gonna get it up.

Definitely not.

Oh, God.

Oh, God. Oh, God.

- He's there.

- "Oh, God, oh, God."

- Won't be long now.

- Oh, God. Oh, God.

Oh, God. Oh, God!

Oh... Oh, God!

- That was it.

- He'll be asleep in three seconds.

Did you ever think you'd be

glad men roll over and pass out?

- Okay?

- You've gotta be...

Have a nice day.

- I've come to a definite conclusion.

- What's that?

You can have him.

Oh, God.

Was it good for you too?

H-H-Hurry!

Hey, baby!

Help me up!

You guys are the sweetest,

most gorgeous creatures.

You're sweet.

Yikes!

- Hey, wait a minute. Guys!

- Wait a minute. We're not supposed to stop.

Why... Why are we

stopping? Why did we stop?

- Oh. Sorry. - Uh, w-we

have to get to a phone.

- Yeah, uh, uh, phone. - We have to...

Oh, God. - Phone. Phone. - Oh, my God.

- What are you doing here?

- Trying to get back to the reservation...

before one of these guys hits

on me for my phone number.

- Oh, come on, you don't look so bad.

- Except for prints don't work for him. He should stick with solids.

- Wait a minute. Did he say phone?

- Phone!

- Frank! - Leave me alone!

- Frank, you have to listen!

- No, I don't!

- Yes, you do!

- Oh! Oh. Oh. Oh.

- Oh.

- I'm sorry, Frank, but this is really important.

- Oh, leave me alone.

- Just leave me alone!

- Look, we gotta use your phone.

Forget it! You stiffed me for $20.

You leave me in drag. You got some

maniac with a knife chasing you.

These things do not tempt me

to wanna team up with you guys.

- Ah, what's wrong with my head?

- Are you okay?

No! I think I'm gettin' sober!

Look, listen, Frank, we're

not just jerking you around.

Some guys are chasing us 'cause

one of them stole a virus...

that's gonna kill and destroy all the plants and all

the trees for thousands of miles all the way around.

We stole it back, so now they're

trying to kill us. You get it?

Jesus, the '60s were

good to you, weren't they?

Frank, that's right.

Think back to the '60s.

- People did things for each other.

- They were wasted.

Listen, Frankie, get us

to a telephone, all right?

I swear to you, you're

gonna be showered with money.

Showered with money.

Okay, ladies, this is it.

This is it, Frank? It's not exactly

the hub of the reservation, is it?

- Hey, it's off season. What do you want?

- We wanna use the phone, Frank.

Hey, five minutes. That's it.

If you guys stay more than five minutes,

you'll bring down a goddam tornado.

We have no intention of hanging around.

- Fine.

- I just wanna make this call... I must have that blouse!

- That shirt has my name on it.

- Oh! Oh, I love this.

- I wore one of these when I did Oklahoma.

- Oh, that'll be cute on you.

- You think? Not too short-waisted? - No! You get

a little snakeskin belt, give it a little texture.

- Oh, that's a good idea. I like this too.

- Hey!

Will ya? Come on, now. Just take the

blouse. Keep 'em. They're on the house.

- Now, you gotta make this phone call. - Oh, thanks,

Frank. - Get on the phone, and let's get going here.

Right. Right, right, right. Okay, who are

we gonna call? The New York Times. Huh?

- No. We'll call the president.

- Oh, yeah! That's really a call he's gonna take.

"Hi, we're two struggling actresses.

We're saving the world." Get real.

He was an actor.

Okay, the FBI.

We're gonna call the FBI, we're gonna

turn this in, we're gonna save our country.

Uh-huh. Do you have a changing room?

This doesn't work.

They must have cut me off.

- I owe 'em a little money.

- Don't you know how to deal with those dorks?

- You don't have to pay them anything.

- You don't?

- No, all you have

to do... - No! - What?

No, not that again.

Frank, how do we get

to a phone that works?

Frank, how do we get

to a phone that works?

Okay, ladies, this here's Frodo.

He'll take real good care of ya.

Now, you're gonna ride across those hills

till you come to the edge of a cliff.

Don't go off there.

That's a 700-foot drop.

Now, if you do get down, you're gonna come to the

rattlesnake area. Be real careful goin' through there.

Now, take a left at the rattlesnakes

and you'll come around to a dirt road.

Take you right into the taco stand.

They got a phone in there. Huh?

It couldn't be just a block and

a half to the corner store, Frank?

Not around here.

- Hey, Frank, thanks.

- Oh, okay, all right.

- Now, come on, we gotta... - We

won't forget you. - Yeah, yeah, yeah.

- We're gonna see you get something out of this, Frank.

- Oh, yeah, sure.

I'll be showered with money. I can hardly

wait. Come on, let's get outta here.

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