Outrageous Fortune Page #6

You're not authorized to debrief me?

After I saved you from

being throttled? Weldon!

Who is Michael Santers?

He was one of our best.

Very high clearance.

Access to everything.

And then...

we began to suspect that he was a

double agent working for Korzenowski.

Wait a minute. Wait a minute.

Korzenowski, our teacher?

Our teacher and, I'm sorry to tell you,

a key undercover man for the Russians.

Oh, please! The man has a reputation.

He was the definitive Lear.

He is the definitive KGB.

That's why I was in that class.

I was supposed to keep an eye on him,

see if he and Santers were in contact.

- And they were?

- We still don't know how.

I never saw them come

within a mile of each other.

But somehow Korzenowski hired him.

What did Michael do?

He stole the prototype

of an experimental virus.

It's called floratoxin. It's,

uh, an airborne defoliant.

A few drops destroys all vegetation for

hundreds and hundreds of square miles.

Like grass and trees a-and

the... and the whole shot?

- As in California.

- Oh, my God.

- As in the entire wheat belt.

- He would do that?

All he has to do is spill a couple

of drops, and the wind'll do the rest.

Don't try to bargain with

me. I want $20 million cash.

And please don't insult my

intelligence by trying to mark it.

All right. Only it's going to take

a couple of hours. Where are you?

Don't be ridiculous, Weldon.

They're his accomplices.

- Oh, please! - They're

professionals. - Oh, no, sir!

- I believe them.

- What?

- You believe that a couple of

two-bit actresses... - Oh, l...

- Where are they taking me? - Could

have tracked down Michael Santers? - Yes.

It was a rendezvous. They helped him

to escape. I was there. You remember?

Yeah, what did we know? He was just

some guy we happened to be boffing.

Damn it, I don't boff.

I have never boffed.

Okay, had sex with. Is

that white enough for you?

- Move it.

- Sir, if you'll just go over their statements...

That's what I intend to do at Fort Morgan in a nice

underground cell until we get Santers' whereabouts.

You want to know his whereabouts? Fine. He

said he was going to Tres Crucas, New Mexico.

That's a little bit too easy,

isn't it? Get in the van!

That's a little bit too easy,

isn't it? Get in the van!

Okay, okay, here's an idea. Why don't we all

go to Tres Crucas and see if Michael is there?

I'll prove it to you.

I kn... I know, I know. Your head hurts,

and it's our fault. I understand that.

- But if you'd only identified yourself...

- Oh, I see.

- You want me to walk up to enemy operatives and hand

over... - Oh, come on! - Ah, who's an enemy operative?

- Hey, Steve, why the hell are we slowing down?

- Wait just a...

Who the hell are you?

Oh, my God!

Some of us who teach can also do.

What do you want?

- Where is Michael Santers?

- Hey, you should know.

You're the ones he's working for.

This is last time I will ask you.

Where is Michael Santers?

Come on, come on, come on! Go. Go!

I think you'll stay.

I never died better, did I, teach?

Okay, let's go up, real easy.

That a boy. That a boy.

Yeah, you're a good

actor, but a lousy shot.

Please, look, we can make bargain.

- Uh, the KGB is very generous.

- Oh... Oh, stop with the KGB.

How dare you defraud the entire

New York theatre community?

- Lauren. - I've

never... Hi. - Lauren.

- I've never heard such behaviour in my

life. - Lauren. - These people are artists.

- Lauren. - What is it? -

Th-That's not the hot issue here.

The... No. No.

Okay. Okay, here it comes, Stan.

You're gonna tell us right now

what was going on in that class...

or Sandy's gonna shoot you.

I'll shoot it off, Stan.

We needed couriers.

- How? -

Yeah. - Uh...

your notebooks.

I left microdot for him in yours,

and he sent back reply in yours.

Well, if he stole the toxin

for you, why don't you have it?

He screwed you too.

He screwed me too.

Ladies, I admit I've made a big mistake,

but if you'd just put yourself in my hands...

you can walk away from here right

now with full federal protection.

Complete clearance of

all conspiracy charges.

I will give you free acting

lessons for the rest of your life.

- We'll pay all the expenses you've incurred.

- Oh, stop it.

The both of you, you're so

full of it. Come on, let's go.

It stinks around here.

Thanks for trying.

- We'll find you.

- Not if the coyotes find you first!

- Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh, oh, oh.

- Please!

Please!

Blood is on your head, you putz.

- This is the worst day of my life.

- Yeah.

- We're a couple of chumps. You know that, don't you?

- Oh, we're worse than that.

- Mmm, well, okay, yeah.

- I can't believe I didn't see it.

- I am so humiliated.

- I know.

He hit on us for those notebooks.

"Hit on"? He got me to pick him up.

Tell me! I attacked

him in a Burger King.

I worked all night on his

f***ing pumpkin costume.

- For a mythical student, if you will.

- No!

- Yes!

- No.

Hey, I baked cookies

for his entire class.

- Oh, no!

- Could you see me baking?

Icing... Icing these little

happy faces on every one of'em?

Well, I paid $5,000

to study with the KGB.

The KGB. Oh, my God!

Oh, he trashed me much

worse than he trashed you.

- Oh!

- Really. Hamlet. How am I gonna know Hamlet?

You really should if you're

going to be an actress.

Oh, pardon me...

but, you know, we can't all of us study at the

London School of Shakespearean Weirdness, you know.

Some of us had to schlepp

drinks for a living.

I'm sorry, Sandy.

Oh, God.

So, where you wanna go now?

I don't know.

They'll be after us.

- I was thinking...

- Yeah. So was I.

What?

That we go find Michael

and rip his face off.

- That, and get the toxin back.

- Oh, the hell with the toxin.

- I just wanna rip his face off.

- No, we need the toxin.

We don't want the CIA on

our backs all our lives.

- Just so I get to rip his face off.

- I promise we'll rip his face off after we get the toxin.

Hey! Hello, honey! Hello!

No, no, you idiot!

My shoes!

- Hey, Stan.

- What?

Looks like you're gonna

be facing KGB tribunals.

Unless, of course, you'd

like to make an arrangement.

Would such an arrangement include, uh,

unlimited expense account?

Condo on the Potomac?

Redskins season tickets? Huh?

Aw, nuts!

Thanks, Humphrey. It was sweet of you.

Oh, it was my pleasure, Lauren.

Well, what should we do first?

Get a little sushi? Take in a show?

Now, why do they do that?

Has there ever been one woman in the

history of the world who actually said...

"Yes, fellas, please, take me now."

For a bed and a bath,

I'd... I'd consider it.

- Bite your tongue.

- Hey, turisto. Welcome.

Hey, you're lookin' for a guide, right?

Native Indian to show you the hidden

wonders of this great Chicatacawa nation?

Well, ladies, you have found him.

Special price, today only... $20.

I don't want to be the first to break

this to you... you are not an Indian.

That's a technicality.

I've been a blood brother to

Rate this script:0.0 / 0 votes