Over Her Dead Body Page #3

she's an eighteen-year-old,

hot masseuse...

with huge natural breasts,

who loves to gourmet cook...

watch sports,

perform oral sex...

and when she's not doing

any of that, she saves whales.

I guess we could have lunch.

Okay.

What if she doesn't do

any of those things?

Goodbye, Chloe.

Tell me when you wanna start

dating again, okay?

Two years, five years, what?

I had the person I was gonna

spend my life with...

and I lost her.

So you're just gonna spend

the rest of your life alone?

No, I've got you.

I've got my work.

I'm sure

you're gonna get married...

and have kids or adopt

a slew of Nigerian children...

and I'm gonna get

to be Uncle Henry.

Um...

- Man down!

- There's a man down.

All right, I've got to get...

Why would you even want these?

They're just cool.

They're so big.

I can't move my legs.

Oh!

I'm so sorry to bother you.

I was wondering if you would

maybe try again with Henry.

I mean, he really liked you...

and if

he's ever gonna believe...

that anyone is talking to Kate,

then I think it's gonna be you.

Yeah, I mean,

I think that's a great idea.

I just... I don't know

if he'll go for it.

I don't think

he would come to you...

but if you would go to him...

and you could prove

that you heard from Kate...

But I didn't.

- You could fake it.

- Oh, no, no, no.

I can't do that...

'cause I'm not like a,

you know, scam artist.

This is Kate's diary.

I, um...

I went into Henry's apartment

when he wasn't there...

you know, looking for letters

or anything...

that would have information...

that only the two of them

would know, and, I mean...

Henry doesn't even know

this exists.

Right. I just... I really...

Look, I know that you've heard

the story before...

but would you really think

about it?

Do you really think that Henry's

better off sitting alone...

in his apartment

for the rest of his life?

Do you really think

that Kate's ghost...

doesn't want him to date again?

I'm just asking you to tell

one little lie...

to salvage someone's life.

Is that so impossible?

Hey. Ashley, right?

- Yeah.

- Henry.

Henry. Hi.

- How are you?

- Yeah, good, good.

You shop here?

Yeah, they, uh... They have

really great tomatoes here...

so I just...

Oh, I see. Okay.

Uh, tomatoes are vegetables

that you buy fresh...

and then you cook them in food.

I've heard about these, yeah.

I always wondered what was

on this side of the store.

- So colorful.

- Yeah.

How's business?

Oh, you know, sucks.

- So it's looking up.

- Look up, right.

Well, you know,

I'll let you go...

but, uh, if you're

ever in the area...

you should stop by,

and I'll cook you a...

I'll cook you a real meal.

All right.

Well, maybe I'll do that.

- Okay.

- Nice seeing you.

Nice seeing you.

It was raining.

It was raining

when you met her...

the woman you were trying

to contact.

It was nighttime,

and it was raining.

You tried to steal her cab?

Yeah.

And you two...

You two got into a fight...

but you rode with her

all the way home...

even though you lived

in totally opposite directions.

That's exactly what happened.

And she stiffed me.

I wound up paying eighty bucks

for that cab ride.

Do you wanna go somewhere else,

so we can talk?

Yeah, it's...

Yeah.

So I noticed you didn't have

any animals in your apartment.

Oh, well, my building

doesn't allow pets...

but I always grew up with cats.

Oh.

When I get a new a place,

I think I might...

Wait. Why'd you go, "Oh"?

"Oh, you had cats.

That's nice."

No, that was more like,

"Ah, you had cats. Figures."

I'm a vet. I love cats.

Right.

And the women who have them?

They're insane,

across the board.

You know, they wear,

like, sweatshirts...

- with their cat on them.

- Oh.

You know, "Hang in there."

Hey, look,

let me ask you, when...

In the market,

were you, like...

Were you hearing someone?

Um, yeah, I mean, I think...

I think so.

I think it was Kate.

Seems a little hard to believe.

I know,

but do you wanna try again?

What do you got to lose?

All right.

Let me just get

your hand, like... Okay.

This restaurant

reminds her of something.

New York. It was snowing.

We went...

We went there for Christmas.

You refused to admit

that you didn't speak French...

so you ordered the pancreas?

And then, later,

after you threw up all...

Hello. No, yeah.

No, no, no,

I'm just eating right now.

You're not interrupting

anything.

Are you serious?

Just so you know,

that wasn't me.

- That was J.W. I swear.

- Wow.

What else?

Are you getting anything else?

- Okay, listen, we'll come over tonight...

- Yeah, I'm just, I gotta...

I gotta get back into it.

- Okay?

- and we can meet afterwards.

Great.

Look, bro, when I see four girls

in matching bowling shirts...

that's how I roll, man.

It's totally true.

Sorry, I'm,

like, totally thrown...

No, it was great.

- with the cell phone guy, um...

- I don't know where to begin.

- We should just try another time.

- We started out with a donkey.

Yeah,

I have to get going anyway.

What are the odds there was...

- two chicks named Darla?

- Oh. When'd you give her your card?

That's all right. You got

your tricks, I've got mine.

- Wow.

- Seriously?

Yeah, but you don't really have

to be tricky...

if you wanna pay for lunch,

because I won't fight ya.

Yup. Cat person.

I thought it was the one

without her.

Thank you.

I was actually really nervous

at first...

but then it was so easy.

I almost wanted it

to be harder...

so I wouldn't feel bad

about the situation.

- What?

- Ashley.

- No.

- Look in my eyes.

- No.

- It's time for a reality check.

I don't want a reality check.

You don't want one,

because you know you need one.

Tell me you are done with this.

I'm done...

right after this next meeting.

Why are you doing all this?

I'm... I'm helping someone.

Is he cute?

I don't see what that has to do

with anything.

Stay with me here.

You, ahem...

You hate doing this.

Yeah, it goes against

everything I believe.

All right,

but instead of just doing it

and getting it over with,

you're stretching it out.

Well, he's very skeptical.

I can't just blurt it out,

or else he'd never believe me.

Today, you had lunch.

Tomorrow, who knows, dinner?

Maybe you'll go to a movie...

channel his fiance there.

- So off base.

- What does he do?

- Veterinarian.

- A doctor.

If you weren't gay,

I'd think you're jealous.

If you weren't blushing...

I'd think you were telling

the truth.

So you like

David Foster Wallace, huh?

I couldn't get past page 20.

I keep it there

because it makes me look smart.

Oh. Huh.

Oh, God, is he, like, a friend

of yours or something?

You got me a gift?

Well, you won't charge me,

and I'm taking up your time...

so, you know,

I had to do something.

David Foster Wallace!

I love him.

I saw the book last time,

so I figured you were a fan.

I am. I am.

I can't wait to not read this.

Yeah, they're short stories...

Rate this script:0.0 / 0 votes