Over Her Dead Body Page #7

- Take care of yourself...

- Ashley Clark.

- Bye-bye.

He sounded so serious.

No! No!

Did you like

that disappearing thing?

I just made that up.

I didn't even know

I could do that before now.

Okay, time to get to work.

Tonight, instead of sleeping,

I thought I'd tell you...

all the stories

of all the pets I've ever owned.

- Oh, people love pet stories.

- Just... Just...

So, I'm gonna start

with the first pet I ever had.

It was a turtle named Ernie,

and I must've been eight.

She actually had kittens.

She had baby kittens,

and then we named them all.

And we used to call him Boots,

because he was all white...

and he had these little black...

- Boots?

- Exactly.

At least that's what we called

him until "he" had kittens.

Then we named him Mrs. Piggy.

And there were six kittens.

What were their names?

Was that you?

The doorbell?

Yeah, that was me.

Don't answer that.

I remember the kittens' names!

It was Willy, Betty, Whiskers...

Fang, Teddy, and Nugget!

And then there was Buffy,

who was my last dog.

But after he died, that was it.

God, I think that's all my pets.

You should get some sleep.

Mmm... thank you.

Good morning.

- The time is 7 A.M.

- You have a busy day in front of you...

- Good morning, everyone.

- so I thought you might like to hear...

all my favorite colors

and numbers.

- Blue, seven, seventeen...

- Good morning, everyone! Well...

Lime green, forest green,

yellow, one, blue.

Oh, crap,

did I already say blue?

You know what?

I'm gonna start over.

- Blue.

- Ow!

Oh, God!

Gettin' tired? Unable to

function?

I'm fine.

You know,

you really should think...

about what you're

getting into here.

I don't need sleep.

I can hound you

every second of every day.

You're never gonna know...

if something you hear

is real or not.

I can keep you

from sleeping and eating...

- and drinking...

- Enough!

Enough, okay?

Congratulations, you win.

I love spending time with Henry,

but it's not worth it.

Good.

Then my work here is done.

But if you ever try

to see him again...

- You'll be back.

- You can count on it.

Go.

Hey, wait, Kate.

Look, is there, um...

Is there anything

you wanna tell him?

What do you mean?

Well, Henry came to me...

because he wanted

to talk to you...

and I definitely think

I can deliver on that.

So is there anything

you wanna say to him?

Kate contacted me from beyond...

not like before, but clearer.

Clearer than anything

that I have ever experienced.

What did she say?

Hi, Henry.

She says, "Hi, Henry."

I know. Um, you know what?

Ask me questions.

Just, uh, ask me as

many questions as you'd like...

and just keep asking me

until you're convinced.

What was her favorite food?

The three berry cake

at Sweet Lady Jane's.

She says ask a tough one.

Um, what was

her first pet's name?

Ernie the turtle.

She told me that earlier today.

Her favorite Hawaiian island?

She's only been to Maui, and

she got stung by a jellyfish.

You really, uh...

What else?

She always hated this chair.

Her second toes are slightly

longer than her first.

She always meant

to take guitar lessons.

Well, I...

Why did she come here?

I mean, what does

she wanna tell me?

She says that she can tell

that you're torn...

between being faithful

to her memory...

and the feelings

that you have for me.

The hell I did!

Ow! Oh! Ah!

- What happened?

- Seed in the eye! It's okay!

Tell him the truth!

She says she just wants you

to be happy, Henry...

and she can tell

that you're happier with me.

You are screwing

with the wrong woman.

That's it. I mean,

she wants you to move on.

Oh, she's gone.

No, I'm not!

I'm right here!

I'm right here!

I'm gonna be with you

every second of every day...

for the rest of your life!

Tell her thank you.

Thank you, Kate,

wherever you are.

Are you okay?

You look at it, Doctor.

Oh!

It really hurts.

Good. I hope it blinds you.

What would I do without you?

You are so dead.

I, Andy Chris, take you,

Natalia Yeroshik...

as my best friend for life.

I pledge to honor, encourage...

- and support you...

- Oh, you know the Lerner party?

You're gonna have

to do that alone.

Where, uh...

Where are you gonna be?

Uh, I gotta... I gotta...

I gotta go away. I'm...

Some... I've got a thing.

With... With who?

Shh.

With Henry? With Henry.

This is my solemn vow.

From this moment,

I, Natalia Yeroshik...

take you, Andy Chris...

- What, Dan?

- Nothing. Nothing.

This is my solemn vow.

By the power vested in me...

I now pronounce you

husband and wife.

You may kiss the bride.

Congratulations.

Yeah.

Yeah.

Three...

four...

five...

- six.

- Ashley.

Shh!

Okay, where was I? I was on...

- Three.

- Thank you.

For what?

Three, four, five...

six, seven, eight.

I have to say something.

Now, you know I never get

involved in your love life.

- Bullshit.

- Fine.

As someone who's always involved

in your love life...

I think you should listen to me.

You're making a huge mistake.

No, I'm not.

Help me with the cart.

Okay, it's... It's not because

his fiance's ghost...

is trying to drive you away,

and-and it's not because...

he's a client who you lie to...

but you talk about picking guys

with problems?

He just got out

of a relationship...

where his bride was killed

on their wedding day...

and you'll be the first girl

he dates.

That's a pretty serious rebound.

You really think

this is gonna end up well, huh?

Nice try. You're still handling

the Lerner party alone.

Ladies and gentlemen,

Cherries Jubilee.

Excuse me for a second.

I could feel the heat

all the way back here.

- Are you okay?

- You know, if I were dead...

I wouldn't be following around

one person, okay?

I'd be finding out

the meaning of life.

I would be talking to wise,

notable dead people.

Oh, like who?

Um, like Eleanor Roosevelt.

What would you ask her?

Like, all kinds of things.

Like what?

Um...

All right,

forget Eleanor Roosevelt.

You're the only dead person

I wanna talk to right now.

Oh, I think you burned off

a little bit of your eyebrow.

What? Where?

Right... Right there.

It's not gonna be even.

You know what? I don't care.

And you know what else?

I'm going away with Henry

this weekend...

whether you like it or not,

and I don't care what you do.

I don't care if you set me

on fire or yell and scream...

and talk about your dog

or watch me while I piss!

I don't care! So if you're

trying to make me look insane...

it's not working!

So...

who's ready for cake?

Oy.

# I'll stop the world

and melt with you #

# You've seen the difference #

# And it's getting better

all the time #

# There's nothing you and I #

- Ha! No!

- Yeah.

- # Won't do #

- Oh, my God.

- Pretty smooth.

- It is beautiful.

It's so weird

how much this place...

reminds me of my own apartment.

You know what we should do?

I saw some people

riding one of those...

like, two-person bikes.

We should totally rent

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