Over Her Dead Body Page #8

one of those.

Yeah, absolutely.

Okay, cool.

Now?

Yeah, why not?

We just got here.

Don't you want to unpack,

check out the room?

Oh, my God.

Did you think

that you could just bring me...

up here and never leave

the room?

Just put a "do not disturb" sign

on the door...

and lock ourselves

in for the weekend?

Um... yes?

Awesome.

I'll go freshen up.

Henry?

Yes?

You know I'm still

in the room, right?

Yeah.

- Okay.

- Okay.

That was gross.

Are you all right?

I'm fine!

Okay.

I should've known it was you.

You know, I never thought

farts were funny...

when I was alive,

but the look on your face.

You get out of here.

You're not having sex

with my husband.

He is not your husband.

And even if you did make it

down that aisle...

there's still that

"till death do us part" clause.

You're a ghost!

Did you say something?

Yeah. The...

There's potpourri!

Don't do it!

Oh, I'm doin' it.

Oh, my God.

It looks even better

on the floor.

Best day ever.

Wow, this is gonna be awkward.

Oh, my God!

- You okay?

- Yeah, yeah.

I just, you know,

it's just, "Oh, my God."

I'm surprised he didn't spring

for the suite.

- Hey!

- Are you sure you're okay?

- How's it going down there?

- Why? Yeah.

- Yeah.

- Yoo-hoo!

It's just you're closing

your eyes very energetically.

I think you're freakin' him out.

Oh, you like to kiss with

your eyes open? That's cool.

I mean, that's kind of kinky,

but all right, all right.

- I'm cool with that.

- Being on the bottom...

not your most flattering angle.

I was talking to another ghost

the other day...

and you'll never guess

who it was.

Remember that guy you

used to date in high school...

who got killed

in a motorcycle accident?

Ted?

- What?

- What?

You said Ted.

No, I didn't.

I just... I, um...

'cause I bumped my arm.

I'm okay now.

Anyway, this is

a little embarrassing...

but he said

you were a bad kisser.

Actually, he said you were

the worst kisser ever.

"Painful and overly wet,"

was his exact quote.

He made a noise like this.

- Talk dirty to me.

- What?

Talk dirty to me.

I love it. It turns me on.

Henry doesn't like that.

Do it loud.

Um... Oh, you're a dirty girl,

aren't you?

She's a dirty little liar

is what she is.

Louder.

You're a dirty little thing.

You're a dirty girl...

- # I believe the children #

- aren't you?

- # Are our future #

- You're a dirty girl.

- Good, good. Louder though, louder.

- # Teach them well #

Like... Like you're trying to

drown out some annoying noise

# And let them lead the way #

- # Show them all #

- Like this?!

- # The beauty #

- Yeah!

- # They possess inside #

- You're a dirty little girl, aren't you?

- Louder, please!

- Aren't you a dirty little thing?!

You like the dirty stuff!

Aren't you a dirty...

That's just stupid.

I'm just yelling at you.

- Music!

- Is that annoying?

It's a little loud.

What?!

The music.

You like it this loud?

Oh, yeah, I love it.

Love this. Salsa.

Salsa makes me horny!

No, no, no, no!

Come on, just anything.

I like your hair!

Oh, God, I love it!

- It's looks really good!

- Louder!

Really?!

Sorry, sorry.

- Oh, hey.

- Hi.

- How you doin'?

- I'm good.

So, what's up?

You know that woman

you sent me to...

the, uh, psychic?

Believe me, you don't have

to whisper that...

in this neighborhood.

I mean, it's not like

I sent you to a...

Republican.

Well, She's, um... She's great.

I mean, really, I feel

a thousand times better.

Did she get a message from Kate?

Yeah, and I think that Kate

really wants me to move on.

In fact, I'm dating her.

Who?

Ashley.

Wait, so she told you

that Kate said...

that she wants you

to start dating again...

and then she went out with you?

Well, it didn't happen

exactly like that, but...

Oh, yeah,

I guess that is...

how it happened exactly, but...

Well, you got to stop.

Why?

She's a psychic.

Since when do you have

a problem with psychics?

I... You do.

You do. You hate them.

Look, Henry,

I think it's great...

that you're dating again,

but, I mean, you can't date her.

God, I thought

you'd be happy about this.

I guess, I-I should be.

I'm just... You're right.

I'm just surprised, I mean...

But I'm... I'm...

I'm coming around now.

I mean, look how happy I am now.

Chloe.

I've been meaning

to call you, actually.

What's been stopping you, huh?

Pretending to talk

to my brother's dead fiance...

so you could date him?

Come on in.

No, I'm okay.

I just...

I want Kate's diary back.

Okay. Um... yeah.

I'm not gonna tell him

that I gave this to you...

because, somehow,

he does seem better.

I know it looks bad.

How could you do this?

I mean, uh, "I can't fake it.

I'm not some scam artist."

I mean, you totally

took advantage of him.

You asked me to do this.

Use fake psychic vision

to date him?

Let me think.

No, I'd remember that.

Chloe, I really, really care

about him.

Worst part is that I did this.

I mean, I gave this to you.

I handed you everything

that you needed.

You gave what to her?

No, what...

It's okay. Don't...

What's this?

This is Kate's diary.

Yeah.

Why would you give this to her?

How'd you even get it?

The story about the pancreas

is in here...

- Um...

- and how we met.

Henry. Henry!

Henry!

You were right.

It all fell apart, you know,

'cause I'm a horrible person.

No, no, you're not

a horrible person.

Yes, I am. I am.

I'm a liar,

and I'm a horrible person.

And you know what?

I never even deserved him.

- Okay, you... You kn...

- I didn't!

No, you know what?

He's an idiot to let you go.

- No!

- All right? No.

No matter what you did,

he's an idiot to let you go...

okay?

Anyone would be lucky

to have you.

You're just saying that.

Anyone.

What the hell was that?

I'm sorry. I'm sorry.

You're my friend.

You're gay.

You're my gay friend.

Ah, screw it.

I'm not gay.

What?

I'm not gay!

I've never been gay.

I don't have sex with men,

and they don't have sex with me.

Wow.

So when you just kissed me

just then, you were like...

I'm in love with you.

What?!

I've been in love with you

since I met you.

Every time you turn your back

to me, I sniff your hair.

I went into business with you,

so I could be near you.

I hate cooking!

I wanna throw up

every time I cut a fish.

God, you have got to be

the worst psychic...

in the history of time.

How could you not know

any of this?

Why didn't you just,

like, tell me?

Okay, remember when we met,

and-and-and

we started, you know...

going out to lunch and dinner...

and talking on the phone

all day and all night.

I thought we were dating.

And... And then...

And then, after a week,

we went to a movie.

I was just about to kiss you,

and you turned to me...

and you said, "I love having

a gay friend to talk to.

"I could never be

this comfortable...

"with a straight man."

What was...

What was I supposed to do?

You waited a week

to make your move!

Of course,

I thought you were gay.

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