Over Her Dead Body Page #9

I was taking it slow.

Five years, one kiss?

That's not slow.

That's family.

I'm sorry.

I missed my window.

I was... I was waiting for it

to come back around again.

God, Dan, you've, like...

betrayed me.

- Betrayed you?

- Yeah.

Ashley, I love you.

You think it was easy for me

listening to you...

talk about other guys, huh?

Watching mind-numbingly

boring romantic movies...

and pretending to cry?

Going shopping with you and

giving you advice on clothes?

Do you know how much

of the last five years...

I have spent

learning about clothes?

This shirt cost me $175,

and I hate it!

I hate it!

I love that shirt.

You know, before

this whole stupid thing...

I probably spent

$100 a year on clothes.

Now? Now, I spend that much

every three weeks...

on this haircut,

which I also hate!

God.

We took bubble baths together.

Yeah.

Now can you see

how hard it was for me?

I just wanted to cry

on my gay friend.

Yup.

I'll let myself out.

Okay.

All right, I'm ready.

You don't have a cat.

I rescued a stray,

so you'd talk to me.

Come in.

So, have you thought

about a name for him yet?

No. After we're done here...

I'm taking him

back to the pound.

I'm kidding.

It's a joke,

so you start laughing now...

breaks the tension,

and then we start talking again.

Pet's a big responsibility.

Did you ever think

about maybe just running...

into me on the street?

Listen, I didn't know

that Ashley was gonna use...

the information I gave her

to start dating you.

I mean, I really thought

that she was just...

gonna tell you that Kate

wanted you to move on.

We... Do you

really have to do that?

Yeah, he needs his shots.

Yeah.

I think he's already had them.

He's my neighbor's cat.

Your neighbor let you borrow

her cat to bring to the vet?

You stole a cat?

I'm gonna bring him back.

He was on a fire escape.

It's like a walk.

Would you quit doin'

stupid stuff...

because you think you know

you're right?

Whoa. You should hear yourself.

You sound like Mom and Dad.

And your friends

and your bosses...

and your teachers and strangers

that you meet on the street.

They all tell you this

because it's true.

I'm sorry you feel that way.

See if you can get the cat home

without killing it.

I think I can handle it.

He's fine.

Hi.

I read this.

Henry, I really wanna talk

to you about all this.

- It's just...

- How did you know...

about the cake

or Hawaii or the chair?

None of that's in here...

and no one else

knows about that.

All right, um,

your sister gave me the diary...

and she asked me to pretend...

that Kate had talked to me,

which is not her fault...

because I shouldn't have done it

in the first place, okay?

But I did, because

I thought, I don't know...

I thought maybe you needed it,

you know, to help you move on.

But I must have crossed

over some sort of line...

or something, because

then, suddenly, she appeared.

- Kate.

- Yeah.

And sh... And she tried

to scare me away from you.

But I just... I really

wanted to be with you...

so I didn't let it stop me.

You pretended that

she wanted us to be together...

because you thought that

that would make me...

fall in love with you.

Yeah, I guess I did.

I, um...

I hoped that you would love me

for other reasons, too.

- Is she here now?

- No, I haven't...

I haven't actually seen her,

um, since you broke up with me.

Guess it was her job

to get rid of me...

and, well, she did that.

So, she just sort of disappears?

I don't know.

Thank you.

"There's a soul

and seal on thine arm.

- "For love is strong as death;

- # Go ahead as you waste #

- "Jealousy as cruel as the grave."

- # Your days with thinkin' #

- # When you fall, everyone stands #

- Come on, Beatrice.

# Another day, and you've

had your fill of sinkin' #

# With the life held

in your... #

# When all you gotta keep

is strong #

# Move along, move along #

# Like I know you do #

# When everything is wrong #

- # We move along #

- Come on.

- Okay. Good night, Bill.

- # When all you gotta keep #

- Oh, you're a vet.

- # Is strong #

# Move along, move along #

You know, I've always

wondered which is smarter...

- cats or dogs.

- # Like I know you do #

Come in for some coffee?

# When all you gotta #

- # Keep is strong #

- Why... I really have to get up early...

- # Move along, move along #

- but if you insist...

- # Like I know you do #

- maybe just one cup.

Cats are really good

with tools...

- # When all you gotta keep is strong #

- but dogs are better spellers.

- # Move along, move along #

- That's a... a joke.

- # Like I know you do #

- Dogs, actually.

- That's a funny trick.

- # When all you gotta keep #

- Is there something wrong with cats?

- # Is strong #

- No, cats are great.

- # Move along, move along #

- Their owners are nuts.

- # Like I know you do #

- # When all you gotta keep #

- How many cats do you have?

- # Is strong #

- Four.

- I'll call you, okay?

- # Move along, move along #

- Peace.

- # Like I know you do #

Do you wanna go

to the restaurant?

- I mean, I can take you back now.

- # And even when your hope #

# Is gone,

move along, move along #

- # Just to make it through #

- Okay.

# When all you gotta keep

is strong #

# Move along, move along #

# Like I know you do #

# Go on, go on, go on, go on #

# Right back what is wrong #

# We move along #

# Go on, go on, go on, go on #

# Right back what is wrong #

- Ashley.

- # We move along #

- # Go on, go on, go on, go on #

- Hi.

- Okay, Hi. Hello.

- Hello.

- Long time.

- Yeah, could've gone longer.

Yeah, listen, I've...

I've been thinking

about what I did, and...

Can we stop walking?

I'm trying to...

trying to be sincere...

and the panting

is really killing my delivery.

Sorry.

- I screwed up.

- Yeah, you did.

Yeah, I did.

Definitely screwed up.

But look at it this way.

I pretended I was gay

for five years.

Has any other man ever done

anything like that for you, huh?

I mean,

I could see a guy pretending...

for two, three...

- three, three years tops...

- Okay.

- but five, come on, that's...

- Okay.

All right, listen, Ashley,

you know me.

You know me better

than anyone else does.

And I know you.

Even though

I did a stupid, stupid...

Really stupid.

Beyond crazy, stupid thing

by lying to you...

we have been best friends

for five years.

Yes, that is true.

Look, I don't...

I don't know

any more fancy way to say this.

I'm a good guy. I love you.

And I... I just...

I just really wish

you'd give me a chance, so...

Do I attract

screwed-up guys, or what?

Hiya.

- You.

- Yeah.

Well, he doesn't look so good,

does he?

No, he doesn't.

Finish your mission?

Yeah. You?

No, or I wouldn't still be here.

- Really?

- Mm.

So you do move on

once you finish...

- what you're supposed to do?

- Oh, shoot.

Did you listen

to anything she said?

- No.

- So I guess you're not done yet.

Guess not.

Look, what do you think

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