Overboard
- PG
- Year:
- 1987
- 106 min
- 2,617 Views
Dock five, the Immaculata?
It's over there!
Oh!
I cannot, I repeat, cannot
sit in this cesspool by the sea
with nothing to do.
So, while you repair your silly boat
engines, I will do some remodelling.
- I've sent for a carpenter.
- Whatever, diddums. I'm shooting skeet.
Hello!
Mr Stayton? Anybody home?
- Hello!
- State your purpose!
- Nice-looking Wetherby you got.
- It's a very expensive gun.
- I have lots and lots of them.
- Somebody call for a carpenter?
That's my wife's department.
Could you tell me
where your wife might... be?
You're the carpenter?
Yeah. Dean Proffitt.
You're late.
- References?
- Well, no, not really.
You see, I just moved up to this area...
Hey, I've been doing this kind
of sh*t - work - for years.
This is... This is just beautiful. Wow!
- Try not to touch anything.
- Oh, I won't.
Andrew will keep an eye on you.
Maybe you'd like to take fingerprints
before I get started.
I was just... kidding.
Don't walk so close to me!
OK! Where's your problem?
- My closet.
- Uh-huh.
In here.
Now, you can see
how inadequate this all is.
I need new shoe racks for my shoes.
Uh, excuse me. I was told that
this was some kind of an emergency.
It is.
And I need drawers for my lingerie.
I can't keep entering
these boxes all the time.
Hello?
Uh... Hey, I'm sorry. I understand now.
You want me to remodel your closet.
Isn't that what I've been explaining
in some detail?
Is English your second language?
What is that odour?
I don't smell anything.
Madam.
Well! I almost had to wait.
I got an idea for a shoe rack
right in here maybe, huh?
What is this gelatinous muck?!
Andrew, when I tell you to pack staples,
must I specify that you are to pack
good caviar and not this $1.99 fish bait!
- Yes, madam.
- Caviar should be round and hard
and of adequate size.
And it should burst in your mouth
at precisely the right moment.
Yes, madam.
- Carpenter!
- Yeah?
You have exactly 48 hours.
I suggest you get started.
- Throw that out.
- Yes, madam.
Watch him.
Mais oui! Bien sur!
Oui?
Ecoutez, Jean-Jacques.
Je vous telephone...
Oh, boy. She is really something!
I know it will cost me,
but it's the cutest little painting.
I simply must have it.
You'll do the bidding for me?
But of course(!)
- Bid 1,700,000.
- Sh*t!
Grant, I'm on the phone!
I can't hear you, tea rose!
I'm shooting skeet!
- Pull!
- Pull!
Firing!
Hello.
Forks were invented so man
could at least make a pretence
- of separating himself from the apes.
- So were thumbs.
- What did you say?
- Nothin'. Just... my stomach.
Well, try to control your bodily noises
so I can hear myself think!
And another
Oregon good morning to you.
Wilbur Budd here with some local items.
The Fraga Feed and Fertilizer folks
are hiring people to shovel the stuff.
Oh, women are welcome, too. There's
no chauvinism in the manure business.
These gnats keep landing
on my wet nail polish.
I guess I'm supposed to walk around with
their little corpses stuck to my fingers.
- Joanna, please!
- It's easy for you to say!
You don't have to sit out here in the brine
with your perm frizzing to oblivion.
I look like a bushman.
Why don't you go inside
and get out of the sea air?
Because that Elk Snout mountain man
is still working on my closet.
He's sweating all over the place.
I doubt if he's even housebroken.
- Oh, I think they housebreak each other...
- Ssh!
- What?
- He's listening.
- Who?
- That carpenter.
He's been hanging on our every word
for the last two days.
It's your project, Joanna. You deal with it.
- Come along, men.
- The engines are ready, sir.
Well, let's get going.
I've finished, madam.
Shall I put your jewellery back on you?
No.
I'm still tacky.
Keep quiet for ten more minutes, collect
the money and get the hell outta here.
Well! Are we amusing you?
- What... is this?
- Uh, well, I'm done. I'm finished.
- Uh... What do you think?
- What is it?
Well, it's a shoe rack... with a twist.
Uh... You ready?
Just turn the crank here, those drop back,
these split. Gives you twice the space...
Stop boring me with your absurdities.
What's it made of?
It's called wood. It's oak.
Oak. An oak closet?
Huh! Why am I even amazed?
I don't know. Why are you amazed?
One would think you would know closets
are made of cedar. If not, we get moths.
Well, lady, there's not a real big
moth problem off the Pacific coast.
But if you want one out of cedar,
that's fine. I'll start all over.
I just have to tell ya that's gonna
more than double my estimate.
- What do you mean?
- I've already done this out of oak, so...
- I'm not paying for your mistake!
- I'm not just gonna eat it on this deal.
Why not?
You've eaten everything else here.
And you will eat it
because I wanted cedar!
You may have wanted cedar,
but you didn't ask for it.
knows closets are made of cedar!
In Elk Snout,
we don't know about them closets!
Nor bathrooms, neither! Sh*t, woman!
You're lucky I am housebroke!
- You were listening.
- Well, it was kinda hard to avoid.
- You can avoid it now - you're fired!
- You're unbelievable!
That's fine with me!
Just pay me the money you owe me.
- The job was not done to my satisfaction!
- I got news for you, lady!
No job will ever be done
to your satisfaction!
That's quite enough! Now, just get out!
No problem! Pay me the 600 bucks
you owe me and I'm gone!
Captain Karl! Start up the engine!
You know what your problem is? Huh?
You're so goddamn bored,
you gotta invent things to b*tch about.
You haven't got a single thing to do
except for your hair.
Yeah! The closet was fine!
You just needed somethin'
to take up your useless, empty,
nail-polishing, toe-polishing,
rich-b*tch, sun tanning days!
- Don't touch me!
- What?
Hey, lady.
I may be hard up, but I am not that
hard up. And I'm not goin' anywhere...
Hey!
- Damn you!
- Man overboard!
I'll get you for this, you...
Not my tool belt! You owe me 600 bucks!
- Keep going!
- As you wish.
If I ever get you, lady, you're dead meat!
You got that?
No, don't throw that!
I'm not bored! I'm quite happy!
Everyone wants to be me!
You come back here!
I lost all my tools.
I'll loan you some tools.
We'll get you some part-time work.
I need a steady job.
What about that night-time thing?
I'm working on it. Listen, pretty soon,
we'll get that miniature golf course deal.
If I can hang on that long.
He called you a what?
Joanna, why are you so upset?
Why in the world do you care what some
carpenter from Elk Snout thinks of you?
I'm sure I'm just premenstrual.
Then you must go right back to bed
for at least two days.
Inga, you don't shove the food
down Shiitake's throat.
You place it on her tongue.
Don't they have dogs in Sweden?
Grant mentioned having a baby again.
What should I do?
Darling, if you have a baby,
you won't be the baby any more.
True.
Well, I must go. Bye-bye, Mommy.
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"Overboard" Scripts.com. STANDS4 LLC, 2024. Web. 21 Nov. 2024. <https://www.scripts.com/script/overboard_15453>.
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