Overboard Page #2

Bye-bye, sweetie.

I'm not a b*tch.

Andrew!

Are you going to bring me my lemon

or do I have to squeeze it from my hat?

Hey, guys, I'm home!

Stay away, you wolves! No! Shoo!

Bad dogs! Go away!

Buster! Jackson! Get back inside!

- Are you Mr Proffitt?

- Yeah!

You look like the morning after

Halloween. Probably had a day like I did.

- What happened to you?

- Monday is their first day of school

and I came here to welcome your family.

And what do I get in return?

- I get toilet-papered by your children!

- They're just playin' around!

Just playin' around? They were about

to douse the toilet paper with gasoline

- and strike...

- Wait, wait! Stop.

- Greg and Charlie. Twins, right?

- Yeah.

They're having this arson period. They

don't know this, but I'm ahead of them.

I got two fire extinguishers ready to go.

- I didn't catch your name.

- Adele Burbridge.

- Nice to meet you.

- Principal of the Elk Cove school.

- Your children are monsters!

- You won't think that once you know 'em!

- Where is Mrs Proffitt during all of this?

- She died three years ago.

Mr Proffitt, your children are totally

lacking in parental supervision.

Hey, you don't have to tell me

these kids are lucky.

Fine. You can joke all you want,

but I am serious about this.

If you don't do something,

I am going to notify the proper authorities.

I have had baby-sitters in here

by the dozen, but...

I'm... I'm kinda low on cash right now.

I'm new in town, but if I get a chance

I'll hire a housekeeper, all right?

I'll believe it when I see it.

Good day, Mr Proffitt!

I'm a good father!

Ah, what do you know?

Joanna, I want you tonight.

How can you have your period

every week?!

You can stow away with the rich

and famous to exotic ports of call...

Must you watch that thing incessantly?

Yes, I must. It has a tawdry escapist

quality that soothes my nerves.

What you have to escape from,

I can't possibly imagine.

Grant! I left my wedding ring on the deck.

- Well, what can I do?

- Go and get it.

- It's after midnight!

- I don't care what time it is. I want it now!

I want to see who's in the top ten yachts.

- I'll get it!

- OK.

A countdown to the world's

ten best luxury yachts.

This is the big league of the seven seas.

The one purchase that separates

mere millionaires from multimillionaires.

Our number ten pick

is the Loca Rohan,

a 167-foot Saudi-owned dreamboat,

docked in Tahiti.

Number nine, the 230...

Andrew!

Grant!

Oh, my hair!

Help!

Grant! Help!

Stop! You idiots!

Another Oregon good morning to you!

This is Wilbur Budd here at KRAB,

the family station,

run by me and my family.

Sorry to interrupt the movie, but we got

some excitement in Tillamook County.

I've got a bulletin for the eyewitness,

on-the-spot KRAB newsroom.

It seems a mystery woman

was picked up

by the Elk Cove garbage scow

shortly after midnight.

They fished her out of the water

and she's conscious,

but the problem is she seems

to be suffering from amnesia.

She has no recollection of who she is.

My wife Rose is with

the captain of the garbage scow

that picked up the mystery lady.

- Rose?

- Mr Tunatti.

Can you tell us what the woman was like

when you brought her aboard?

Yes. We saw something float in water

like this. Just like that, just like that.

We didn't know it... We bring... on board.

- On board.

- Yes. We say... foca!

Excuse me,

you can't say that on television!

No, no, no, no!

Foca! Foca!

Foca means seal in portugues!

- Oh, I see!

- Seal, seal! So we bring...

- You learn something every day!

- No clothes. Just a little thing.

- There you have it. Thank you, Tunatti.

- Thank you.

Garbage I do for money. For love, I sing.

- In my country, I sing.

- Isn't that interesting?

- We have a Renaissance garbageman.

- We tell stories with our songs.

Thank you, Rose.

Arnie, can we roll that tape now, please?

Now, folks. Here's an interview

we taped earlier at the hospital.

Miss, miss... do you know your name?

Of course I know my name!

It's...

Oh! This is absurd!

I know it! It...

Get that thing out of my face!

What a horrible wig!

You mean to tell me

that I have no medical recourse?

- Can she see us?

- Not unless she's Superwoman.

Well, what do you know? Extend

your brain a teensy little bit, if possible!

You seem to be suffering

from a temporary amnesia,

either from the bump into the garbage

scow or the shock of the cold water.

- How temporary is it?

- Well, we don't know.

Otherwise, you seem to be

in excellent physical shape.

Listen to me, medical people.

As of now, I have a life history

of a dirty garbage scow

and a breakfast of

extremely runny eggs over easy!

Now I refuse... refuse...

to be incarcerated in this

semi-private room!

You snore!

No efforts are being made

for anyone to locate...

Is that her?

I demand you do something!

Do you hear me?

No! I never saw her before in my life.

Mrs Stayton has decided

to leave me. Let's celebrate!

Now, Miss, uh... X, we have

a comfortable private room for you

where you'll be safer, we'll all be safer,

and you'll be a lot more comfortable.

Well, I'm glad you've finally

come to your senses!

I was prepared to sue you.

I don't know who I am,

but I'm sure I have a lawyer.

- Hey, you about done?

- Yeah! I think I got it fixed.

- Your lunch is on the counter.

- Thanks.

Hi, this is Wilbur Budd.

We got some more

on that amnesia lady story

down there in Elk Grove.

Wanna push in on these, Barry, please?

Uh, I saw some potato chips

around the corner. Could I just...?

OK, one bag!

I said Elk Grove before. You know

I meant Elk Cove. Anything new, honey?

The mystery woman is still suffering

from complete but temporary amnesia.

If you know the identity of this

woman, please contact Elk Cove Hospital.

I'll put up the reward myself.

She's drivin' us crazy.

- Thank you. Back to Wilbur...

- Yo, Dean!

- She's not the nicest person around...

- Look at this!

She made some remarks about

Rose's hair, which I didn't care for.

In any event, there she is

and this is what she looks like.

- That's her.

- Who?

The b*tch!

Earlier today, one man arrived on

the scene to make an identification, but...

I can't believe it. He's skippin' out on her.

Course he is! It's his shot at freedom.

We should go and see

if we can get your money back.

- Look, he's gone!

- Not him, her!

She doesn't know who she is. Do you

think she's gonna know who I am?

- Billy, there is a God and he loves me.

- You're not gonna shave your head?

No.

- Dean...

- I gotta go talk to my kids.

I want you to take 'em shopping

at the Salvation Army.

This is illegal! Dean, you're crazy!

I wondered if a woman like that

had a husband.

- Oh, yeah! She does!

- Here's some effects you may recognise.

Oh, yeah.

Nice panties. Some initials here,

she didn't know what they meant. JS.

She wouldn't cos, see,

I bought these for her at a garage sale.

- I bought my wife a garter at a yard sale.

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