P.S. I Love You Page #4

Well, maybe we should talk about it.

We don't have time, Ted.

We have to tell her today.

We didn't wanna go over...

I know, but we love this apartment,

and it is what it is.

There's nothing else.

This is what an apartment costs.

- We're already beyond our cap.

- We'll make it work...

- Think about another area.

- I am not living in Brooklyn.

- Will you listen to him?

What?

He's obviously worried about this.

- Look at him. He's pale.

- Hol.

Who are you to tell me

how to talk to my husband?

You shouldn't push this on him

if he doesn't want to.

I'll push what I want on him.

He's my husband.

I want this apartment.

- Say no, Ted.

- It is amazing that you are still talking.

- Don't listen to her.

- Ted, she's being a tyrant.

She's got your balls on one of those

things that cling back and forth.

- You know?

- Yeah.

- You b*tch.

- Brat.

- Shut up!

- You shut up!

No, you shut up!

I will end you, and when I do...

- You know what? I'll tell you...

- No. No. No. Okay, tell me.

He's my husband, I'll talk to him the

way I want to. I'm not living in Brooklyn!

Do you know who I am?

What's wrong with Brooklyn, lady?

Are you Holly Kennedy?

- If I am, will you sing?

- Yes.

- No, I'm not.

- Please don't make this an issue.

- I gotta sing and deliver a letter.

- A letter? What's the song?

- "Yah Mo Be There."

- Just give me the letter.

- I could get reported.

- By the leprechaun union?

You know, I was in an off-Broadway play

with Al goddamn Pacino.

I don't need this sh*t.

You want the balloons?

- No.

- Fine.

You bastard.

There's no way I'm doing this.

Yes, you are.

- No, I'm not.

- Oh, yes, you are.

- Oh, no, I'm not.

Remember the last time?

All you wanna do is ride around, Sally

Ride, Sally, ride

All you wanna do is ride around, Sally

Ride, Sally, ride

Yeah!

One of these early mornings

You gonna be

Wiping those weeping eyes

Those weeping eyes, yeah

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Thank you very much.

Oh, my God.

Whoo!

- One more!

Okay. I guess it's time to give

somebody else a chance here now.

Who wants a shot?

Anybody else here willing to give it a go?

Yourself? No? Young lady.

Come on. Don't be shy.

- What about Holly?

- Stop it.

Holly. I don't know about that, John.

Holly's my wife, by the way.

My beautiful wife.

And I do... I love Holly, I do.

But she would never have the guts...

Oh!

...to do something like this.

Oh, no.

In fact, she ate me head off

about coming out tonight.

You know, she had

a long day at the office.

Ah. She'll never do it.

Yep.

Oh, you think so?

You think she'd get up here?

Okay, I'll bet you 100 dollars...

...she doesn't get up on this stage.

Oooh.

Make it two.

- What is she doing? What is she doing?

- Ha-ha-ha.

That's my wife, the surpriser.

How can I put this in a way

So as not to offend or unnerve

Holly!

There's a rumor going all around

That you ain't been getting served

All right.

They say that you ain't you know what

In, baby, who knows how long

It's hard for me to say what's right

When all I wanna do is wrong

Get off Twenty-three

positions in a one-night stand

Get off

I'll only call you after if you say I can

Get off, let a woman be a woman

And a man be a man

Get off

If you want to, baby

Here I am

Here I...

Oh!

- Oh, God!

Do you mind coffee?

How do you feel? You look good.

I'm sorry, baby, but I have to say

you were really good before...

My nose is broken, Gerry.

My ankle is twisted. Happy?

- Are you mad at me?

- I didn't wanna go out...

...and you made me.

I hate karaoke

and you forced me to go up there.

Come on, honey. It was nobody's fault.

Oh, come here, baby. Give me a...

Give me a kiss.

Well, how long are you gonna be mad for?

I never let him off the hook.

Anytime I was mad,

I made him feel bad.

I was mad when we

left the house that night.

I was mad at him because our apartment

was too small. So stupid.

Baby, you were married.

Married people make each other

feel like sh*t on purpose sometimes.

It just feels good.

Gerry knew you were crazy about him.

He told me all the time.

Well, I wish I would've told him that night.

So tell him now.

It's slightly dirty. Just slightly.

Ooh.

He's delicious, isn't he?

You could serve coffee on that ass.

Do you have to be so vulgar about men,

like they're pieces of meat?

I'm sorry, John. I forgot you're sensitive

about your flat ass.

Hoh.

You know, Denise,

that's why you're not married.

- Ahem.

- Women act like men...

...then they complain

men don't want them.

Oh, is that why? Oh.

Okay. Because I thought

it was something different.

I thought it was because

I thought that I deserve the best.

And he's out there.

He's just with all the wrong women.

And let me be clear.

After centuries of men looking at my tits

instead of my eyes...

...and pinching my ass

instead of shaking my hand...

...I now have the divine right

to stare at a man's backside...

...with vulgar, cheap appreciation

if I want to.

- Well said.

- I thought so.

New York City, how we doing? Huh?

- Hey, guys, we're here!

Yay!

Give a warm welcome

to our next singer.

Rumor has it this is her return

engagement. Put your hands together...

...for Holly.

This is for you, Gerry, you son of a b*tch.

I just wanna tell you

Nothing you don't want to hear

All I want is for you to say

Oh, why don't you just take me

Where I've never been before?

I know you want to hear me

Catch my breath

I love you till the end

I love you till the end

I love you till the end

Okay, let me get this straight.

You're straight, you're single,

and you own your own business?

It's my own club.

I'm doing a big renovation right now.

- It'll open in the spring.

- Mm-hm.

I could show it to you if you want.

It's over on Tenth Avenue. Wanna go?

Great.

Yeah. Let me just do one thing first.

Mm.

What's my name?

- Tom.

- Where have you been?

With all the wrong women.

Hmm.

- Hey.

- Hi.

Hey, Gerry. You lost weight.

Thanks for inviting me.

You're a terrible singer.

Yes, I am.

- I'd be really embarrassed if I were you.

- Did you take your medication today?

No, I thought I'd come here instead.

Say, I'm feeling kind of hungry. You feel

like getting a bite or something to drink?

No, I'm... I don't think so.

- It's all right.

- Thanks.

I don't mean to throw this at you,

but what do women want?

I can't figure it out.

They want us to ask.

They don't want us to ask. They want us

to make a move, not make a move.

They want us to be on bottom, be on top.

Use hair products, don't use hair products.

What do you people want?

I'll tell you, but you have to promise

not to say I told you.

- L... I swear.

- Because it's a sacred secret.

Sacred secret.

- You ready? You sure?

- Yeah. I think so.

Come here.

We have absolutely...

...no idea what we want.

- I knew it! I knew that! Son of a b*tch!

- Ooh!

Yeah.

Look, if you ever just wanna get out...

...just do anything, just...

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