Paddington 2 Page #2

Oh.

Let's take another look

at the monkey.

I think he's super-duper.

- (TOY MONKEY GIBBERING)

- Oh!

I can fix that.

That's very kind, Mr. Gruber,

but Aunt Lucy did so much

for me when I was a cub,

and this could be my way

of saying thank you.

I'm going to get a job

and buy that book.

Back in a few minutes,

Paddington.

- Ciao ciao.

- Ciao ciao, Mr. Giuseppe.

Good afternoon. Welcome to

Giuseppe's grooming salon.

What can I do for you

today, sir?

A shave? A light pomade?

Or is it just a brush?

- (STORE BELLS JINGLE)

- (GASPS)

Quick trim, barber.

Oh, I'm not the barber.

I just tidy up.

That's all I want.

Tidy up the back and sides,

nothing off the top.

Yes, but...

No buts.

Come on, man, chop-chop.

If you say so, sir.

Hmm.

Ah.

Hmm...

- (WHIRRING)

- Oh. Whoa!

(SNORING)

(PHONE RINGING)

(VIBRATING) Giuseppe's?

Would you mind

if I call you back?

I think I may be about to

shave a customer.

Oh, thank goodness.

(YELPS)

Just putting you on hold.

(SCREAMING)

But I don't want to.

(SIGHS) It's only a

haircut, Nelson.

There's nothing

to be afraid of.

Come in. Take a seat.

We'll go somewhere else.

(GROANS)

(GASPS)

Oh, that's not good.

Oh... Um...

No.

Um...

Ah.

(CUSTOMER MUTTERING)

Just giving you

some product, sir.

Ah, jolly good. Carry on.

PADDINGTON:
All done.

I must say, it's turned out

a lot better than I expected.

What... What the devil's that?

It's, er, marmalade.

Marmalade?

Hairy marmalade.

Well, get it off!

Yes, sir. Right away, sir.

Oh, yuck!

What is the matter with you?

- Paddington!

- Mr. Giuseppe. I can explain.

It's really not as bad

as it looks.

(FIRE ALARM BEEPING)

Have you ever been fired,

Mr. Brown?

Well, no,

but are you quite sure

you're ready for

the workplace, Paddington?

It's a tough,

competitive world out there,

and I worry

a good-natured little bear

might get trampled underfoot.

He's right, you know?

You can't trust anyone.

That's why

I'm doing my newspaper alone.

MARY:
Darling,

is this about Tony?

JUDY:
No!

JONATHAN:

Everything is about Tony.

And the only reason no-one's

helping with your paper

is because it's so lame.

Well, at least

I'm not pretending

to be someone I'm not.

Nor am I. G-Man.

- J-Dog.

- BOTH:
Spud bounce.

But Aunt Lucy said,

"If we're kind and polite,

the world will be right."

At least

someone's making sense.

Sorry. You're kind, Mr. Brown,

and you made it to the top.

I'm nowhere near the top.

I peaked in the middle.

Now my hair's gone grey,

my belly's popped out,

and I've started to creak.

(PEOPLE CHEERING)

Oh, doesn't that man live in

the big house on the corner?

JONATHAN:

It's Phoenix Buchanan.

Dad's 'celebrity' client.

He's one of

our Platinum Club members.

And a very famous actor.

Or used to be.

Now he just does

dog food commercials.

Mrs. Bird doesn't like him

because he can never remember

her name.

Now then,

simmer down, simmer...

All right, little bit more.

(PEOPLE CHEERING)

That's enough.

I'm sorry, I'm at my worst

tonight. I really am. I am

tickled the deepest shade

of shrimp

to have been asked here

tonight

to open this

wonderful old steam fair.

But you know,

when Madame Kozlova created

this thing

all those years ago,

she most certainly was not

thinking of people like me,

whatever I am,

'VIP, ' 'celebrity.'

I hate all that stuff.

No, no... 'West End legend, '

- that's another one.

- (CROWD LAUGHING)

No, no, she was thinking

of you guys, huh?

The ordinary people.

So, I'm gonna ask

one of you to

come up here

and open the fair.

Volunteers? Anyone.

ALL:
Me. Me.

Eeny, meeny, miney...

(GRUNTING)

...bear!

Let's have the young bear.

Why not?

- Come, come, young ursine.

- Thank you.

Up here, my furry friend.

Very good, very good.

- Now, your name is?

- Paddington Brown.

Oh, well, of course it is.

You are my new neighbor.

You live with

Henry and Mary

and the great Mrs...

- (MUMBLES)

- (SIGHS)

Now then, I suppose you know

who I am?

Oh, yes,

you're a very famous actor.

- Oh, pooh. (CHUCKLES)

- Or used to be.

Now you do

dog food commercials.

(CROWD LAUGHING)

- Well, a man has to eat.

- What, dog food?

(ALL LAUGHING)

(STRAINED LAUGHING)

Very, very funny.

Anyway, they do say that

at Madame Kozlova's,

all your dreams come true.

So, if you had one wish

tonight, what would it be?

Oh, that's easy.

I'd like to get my Aunt Lucy

a birthday present.

- ALL:
Aww.

- Aww. Darling.

I've got my eye on

an old pop-up book of London.

Made by Madame Kozlova,

as it happens.

The only problem is

it's rather expensive.

So I need to get my paws on

an awful lot of money.

Well, I'm not sure that

we can offer you that.

But we can of course

offer you

oodles of fun.

So, if you would like to

lend me a paw,

we now declare

Kozlova's Steam Fair

- open!

- (ALL CHEERING)

Thank you,

thank you very much.

- (CARNIVAL MUSIC PLAYING)

- Wonderful, thank you.

- Mrs. Brown?

- Just one moment.

- A word in your ear.

- Hmm?

This, er, this pop-up book.

- Do you know it?

- I know of it.

But I was led to believe

it was lost.

Where on earth

did you find it?

Oh, at Mr. Gruber's

Antique Shop.

He's keeping it to one side

for me,

but I really need a job.

I don't suppose you have

any advice, do you?

No. No. No.

I imagine you just have to

start at the bottom

of the ladder

and work your way up.

(CHUCKLES)

Do you know what,

Mr. Buchanan?

Hmm?

You've just given me

the most brilliant idea.

Have I?

I'm going to be

a window cleaner.

(GRUNTING)

(SIGHS) Hmm...

Ah.

(EXHALES)

(GRUMBLES)

Ah.

Hmm?

Oh... Oh, dear.

Um...

(YELPING)

(GROANS)

(SIGHS)

Hmm...

Ow.

(GRUNTING)

Hello? Anyone?

Hmm?

(DOORBELL RINGS)

- Hello? Window cleaner.

- LANCASTER:
No, thank you.

Sure, Colonel?

They're awfully dirty.

I don't care

and I'm not paying.

Perhaps I'll do them anyway.

(PULLEYS CREAKING)

(LANCASTER SIGHS)

(PADDINGTON YELPS)

(SIGHS)

(KNOCKING ON DOOR)

Good afternoon, Colonel.

Are you aware

there's a bear on your roof?

Yes, he seems to be

cleaning my windows.

Shall I do your gutters

while I'm up here?

Um, yes. Thank you.

Well, of course it's not

for me to say, Colonel,

but I wouldn't care to have

an undesirable

crawling all over my premises.

And as Commander of your

Community Defense Force...

Is that an official position,

Mr. Curry?

Or have you just bought

yourself a yellow coat?

Got my eye on you, bear.

Oh. Sorry.

MAN:

Here's a little song

To help you get along

Get you out the door

To do a tiny chore

Take some soap and water

Mix it up together

Splash it on the window pane

Scrub it left to right

Till it's shiny bright

Rub with all your might

Left and right

Make it right

Rub and scrub

With your tub

Left and right

Rub and scrub

One more day, Aunt Lucy.

- (GLASS SHATTERING)

- Hmm?

Mr. Gruber?

Eh?

You're not Mr. Gruber!

- Clear off!

- Oh, no, you don't.

(LADDER WHIRRING)

(ALARM RINGING)

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