Paddington 2 Page #3

Stop! Thief!

(PANTING)

Come back with that book!

(SIREN WAILING)

Robbery in progress

at Gruber's Antiques.

Suspect is

a small bear wearing

a red hat

and blue duffle coat.

PADDINGTON:
Stop!

Come back!

(GASPS)

No!

(WHISTLES)

(BARKING)

Come on, Wolfie.

Oi!

- Oi! Get off it!

- PADDINGTON:
Give that back!

(BOTH GRUNTING)

- (LAUGHING)

- No!

- THIEF:
Nice try, bear.

- Whoa, Wolfie.

(BICYCLE BELL RINGING)

Toodle-oo.

Oh. Um...

(BOAT HORN HONKING)

- (HOWLING)

- Giddy-up!

Ow.

Come on, boy.

- (BIRDS SQUAWKING)

- (PADDINGTON YELPING)

Excuse me. Coming through.

Who are you? (GRUNTS)

Oh, dear.

Strike a light! Oh!

(GROANING)

That book is reserved

for Aunt Lucy!

(SQUAWKS)

- Hello there.

- (HISSES)

Oh! Ow. Not the snout!

- Wolfie!

- (BARKS)

(SCREAMING)

Thank you, Wolfie.

Come on. Attaboy.

(PANTING)

All right, all right.

You got me.

Hand over that book.

'Fraid I can't do that.

Cheerio.

- (WHIMPERS)

- But

where did he go?

Hold it right there.

Oh, thank goodness

you're here, Officer.

Put your... paws in the air.

But I'm not the thief.

I was chasing the thief.

And then he... He...

Disappeared in

a puff of smoke?

- (TIRES SCREECHING)

- Well, yes.

(INDISTINCT CHATTERING)

- JONATHAN:
Paddington!

- MARY:
Oh, no!

- HENRY:
What's going on?

- OFFICER:
Hold it there.

Hang on. Hang on. We're

taking him into custody.

- There must be some mistake.

- No mistake, sir.

What's happened?

- Caught red-handed.

- What?

Robbing Gruber's Antiques.

CURRY:
Well, well, well.

The truth is out.

We opened our hearts

to that bear,

we opened our doors.

Well, you did.

I kept mine triple locked

in accordance

with the guidelines.

And all along,

he was robbing you blind.

(POLICE VAN ENGINE STARTS)

MARY:
Paddington!

- Oh, no!

- ALL:
Paddington!

Oh, dear!

THIEF:
A nice little haul,

and no mistake.

Turned out to be quite

a stroke of luck,

that bear turning up

when he did.

Coppers think he done it.

We're in the clear.

(LAUGHING)

Indeed, Magwitch.

And we gave quite

a performance, you and I.

Just like the old days.

Why the lemon face, Hamlet?

If you have something to say,

I beg you,

share it with us all.

It is not,

nor it cannot come to good.

Oh, really. You and your

dreary conscience.

Tell me this.

Which would you rather?

That you stand here,

gathering dust

while I humiliate myself

in a spaniel's costume

on television

or that we all return in glory

in the greatest one-man show

the West End has ever seen?

(AUDIENCE CHEERING)

Oh, thank you, my darlings.

Thank you. Thank you.

Blessings upon you all.

Deepest of bows. Thank you.

I know what you're thinking,

Scrooge.

It will cost a fortune,

but if I'm right,

that is exactly

what this book will provide.

This is no dusty antique.

Hidden on every page,

a little lady

pointing to a clue.

Find all the clues,

we're rich again,

and our dog food days

are done.

BUTLER:
(ON VIDEO)

Dinner is served, Master.

Thank you, Simkins.

If, like me, your doggie likes

to maintain standards,

can I recommend

Harley's Gourmet Dindins.

More taste,

more goodness, more,

dare one say, class.

Mmm.

NARRATOR:

Harley's Gourmet Dog Food.

- Woof.

- Not to be consumed by humans.

BAILIFF:
Court will rise.

Deep breath, Paddington.

Remember what Mr. Brown said.

"You're young. You've done

nothing wrong. You'll be fine.

"So long as you get

a fair-minded judge."

Order! O... Order.

Oh, dear.

You'll now hear the case of

the Crown versus Paddington

Brown.

(GULPS)

Oh, yes, he loved the book.

His heart was set

on top of it.

So you discussed

how expensive it was?

Yes, but he was earning

the money.

I refuse to believe that

young Mr. Brown

would ever burglarize my shop.

ALL:
Exactly.

FORENSIC INVESTIGATOR:

Paw prints were found

here, here, and here.

And a substance, later

identified as marmalade,

was found here.

And is this

the same marmalade?

Yes, it is.

(ALL GASPING)

Phoenix Buchanan, do you

swear to tell the truth,

the whole truth

and nothing but the truth?

May my entrails

be plucked forth

and wound about my neck

should I deceive.

I do.

Prison is no laughing matter.

And I should know, I spent

three years in Les Misrables.

(ALL LAUGHING)

Mr. Buchanan,

you live on the same street

- as the defendant?

- I do.

And you were an eye witness

to the events that night?

Indeed I was.

I was up late, when I became

aware of a hullabaloo

in the street below.

I went to my awards room,

which is a large room

overlooking

the newspaper kiosk,

and I saw young Paddington

riding a rather

disreputable-looking hound.

Mary Brown drew this

based on

the bear's description

of the man he claims

he was chasing.

Did you see him on the street

that night?

Oh, a handsome devil,

isn't he? Hmm?

- Dazzling eyes.

- Yes, but did you see him?

Your answer will tell us

whether the bear is guilty.

Did you see this man?

Alas,

I did not.

(ALL GASP)

PHOENIX:
But perhaps

he'd already vanished.

I beg you, have mercy on him.

He is but a cub.

GUARD:
Paddington Brown.

Ten years for grand theft...

Oh, but, I...

...and grievous barberly harm.

- (DOOR BUZZES)

- Follow me.

Oh, um...

Mrs. Brown usually reads me

a story before bed.

I don't suppose...

Sorry, son.

No bedtime stories in here.

Oh.

(DOOR LOCKS)

Dear Aunt Lucy.

A great deal has happened

since I last wrote.

There's been a bit of a mix-up

with your present,

and the upshot is

I've had to leave

Windsor Gardens and move

- somewhere else.

- (THUNDER RUMBLING)

It isn't quite as charming

as the Browns' house,

but it's not all bad.

It's a period property.

In fact, it's one of

the most substantial

Victorian buildings

in London,

and the security arrangements

are second to none.

I'm only allowed to see

the Browns once a month.

I wonder

what they're doing now.

I do hope

they don't forget me.

Of course they won't,

Paddington.

This is the Browns

you're talking about.

They'll sort everything out,

and I'll be able to go home

and get your present,

and everything will be

right as rain.

I just need to hold on

till then.

(WHISTLING)

D.

The hunt begins.

(DOOR BUZZES AND OPENS)

GUARD:
325, 326, 327...

Here goes, Paddington.

Manners.

GUARD:
Fall in.

Good morning.

How would you like to start

a gardening club?

How would you like to be

buried in a very deep hole?

After you.

Spooner, R. Workshop.

Brown, P. Laundry duty.

Right, laundry.

Laundry, laundry?

Ah! Laundry!

(BUZZING)

(GRUNTS)

Ugh!

Oh!

(GASPS)

(EXCLAIMS)

(GRUNTING)

Oh, it's only one red sock.

What's the worst

that can happen?

Afternoon, chaps.

(GROWLS)

If you ask me, the pink really

brightens the place up a bit.

If you ask me, you should pipe

down and enjoy your dinner,

because it might be

your last.

Okay.

(TRAY CLATTERING)

(INDISTINCT CHATTER)

(SNIFFS) Ugh.

Don't worry. I used to be

a restaurant critic.

- It's not as bad as it looks.

- Oh.

(GAGS)

It's worse.

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