Paddington 2 Page #4

What is this?

Nobody knows.

But we've been eating it

three times a day

for the past ten years.

Why doesn't someone have

- a word with the chef?

- (COUGHS)

- With Knuckles?

- (GROWLING)

Two things to remember if you

want to survive in here.

Keep your head down

and never talk to Knuckles.

Thank you.

Well I think

it's a great idea.

Tell you what, son,

you get Knuckles to change

the menu and

we might forget about you

making us

look like

a bunch of pink flamingos.

- All right then, I will.

- PHIBS:
You don't wanna

- do that.

- Aunt Lucy said,

"If you look for the good

in people, you'll find it."

She obviously

never met Knuckles.

Um, excuse me.

Mr. Knuckles?

Yes?

I just wondered

if I could have

a quick word about the food?

Send a medic to the canteen.

You want to

complain?

Oh, no,

I wouldn't say complain.

Oh, that's a shame.

Because I just love it

when people complain.

- Really?

- Oh, yeah.

Oh.

Well, in that case,

it's very gritty.

- Oh.

- And lumpy.

And as for the bread...

(PRISONERS GASP)

Need I say more?

I think we need to completely

overhaul the menu.

Now I know we're working to

a tight budget,

but we could at least

add some sauce.

(PRISONERS GASP)

Oh. Sorry about that.

I'll just...

Hmm. No,

that's just rubbing it in.

(GROWLS)

Don't worry. I know

what gets ketchup stains out.

Hang on, was it mustard?

No.

That's just made it worse!

Does anyone know

what works on ketchup?

Chaps?

(PRISONERS GASP)

Forget the medic.

Better send a priest.

You listen to me,

you little maggot.

Listening.

Nobody criticizes my food!

- Right.

- Nobody

squirts condiments

on my apron.

- Got it.

- And nobody

bonks me on the head

with a baguette.

No bonking.

I'll overhaul

the menu all right.

- Really?

- Dish of the day.

- Yes?

- Bear pie.

I don't like it.

What is this?

It's a marmalade sandwich.

Marmalade?

My Aunt Lucy taught me

to make them.

You mean, you can make this?

- Well, yes.

- Stand aside.

Get up off the floor,

you bunch of yellow-bellies!

Listen to me.

This bear is now

- under my protection.

- Oh.

Anyone who touches a hair

on his back

will answer

to Knuckles McGinty.

That's Knuckles with

a capital 'N.'

- Thank you, Mr. McGinty.

- Don't thank me yet.

I don't do nothin'

for no one for nothin'.

Beg your pardon?

You get my protection

so long as you make

that marmalade. Deal?

(SPITS)

Deal. (SPITS)

Somebody's got to recognize

him sooner or later.

(GRUBER GRUNTS)

You all right, Mr. Gruber?

There's something about

this whole business

that has been tickling

my brainbox.

What is it?

On the night of the robbery,

when young Mr. Brown

called out,

the thief took to his heels

and ran down the stairs.

MARY:
Came straight through

the shop

and out the front door,

setting off the alarm.

Ah. But that's the thing.

He didn't go straight through

- the shop.

- No?

GRUBER:
He came all the way

over here

to get the popping book.

Why not some jewelry

or a vase?

They're much closer.

Far more valuable.

He can't know much

about antiques.

No.

Unless

he knows something about

that book that we don't.

You may find this hard

to believe, Madame Kozlova,

but Paddington is innocent.

And we think that

the real thief

may have broken

into Mr Gruber's

just to steal your

great-grandmother's pop-up book.

- The pop-up book?

- I know it sounds far-fetched.

But is there anything you could

tell us about that book?

Anything at all

could be helpful.

- That's quite a story.

- Oh, really?

Come with me.

I'll show you

where it all happened.

You see, my great-grandmother,

who started this fair,

was the finest show woman

of her generation.

She could tame lions,

breathe fire, swallow swords,

but she was most famous

for the trapeze.

They called her

the "Flying Swan."

Wherever she went,

she was showered with gifts,

and made a fortune.

But where there is a fortune,

there is also jealousy.

The magician

wanted it for himself.

And the "Flying Swan"...

(AUDIENCE GASPING)

...became the "Dying Swan."

He went to her caravan

and opened her strongbox.

But instead of her treasure,

all he found was

one of her pop-up books:

- Twelve Landmarks of London.

- (MAN SHOUTING)

They had him cornered,

but he vanished.

And neither he,

nor the treasure,

were ever heard of again.

I knew

there was something special

- about that pop-up book.

- HENRY:
Hmm?

Well, why else would she have

kept it in her strongbox?

You're not telling me you

believed all that guff, are you?

Madame Kozlova drew 12 London

landmarks in that book.

Yes?

Well, what if they're not

just landmarks.

What if they're...

I don't know...

- ...clues!

- Clues?

- To where she hid her fortune.

- You mean a treasure map?

- Exactly!

- (SIGHS)

And that's why the thief

took it from Mr Gruber's.

First thing tomorrow we need to go

to every landmark in that book,

see if we can sniff out

anything suspicious.

Too many adventure stories,

Mary.

What?

She's a fortune-teller.

She spun you a yarn.

It's what they do.

Honestly, Henry, you're

so close-minded these days.

What's that supposed to mean?

What happened to the man

I married?

He'd have believed me.

- Oh, him. He's gone.

- What?

I'm afraid your husband's

just a creaky old man,

- he's not Bullseye Brown.

- (MARY GROANS)

WOMEN:

I'm crazy like a fool

What about Daddy Cool?

Daddy, Daddy Cool

Daddy, Daddy Cool

Bullseye.

Oh, Henry.

MALE SINGER:

She's crazy about her daddy

Henry? Henry!

Anyway, the point is,

we're not going to

help Paddington

by going on

a wild goose chase.

We're looking for this

scruffy chancer,

not some

swashbuckling pirate

hunting for buried treasure.

I think there's more to him

than meets the eye.

I think he somehow knew

the story

of the Kozlova fortune

and is out there right now

trying to find it.

Well, Grandfather,

tonight we go in search

of clue number two.

The setting,

St. Paul's Cathedral.

But how to slip in unobserved?

Enter Sister Isabella.

(THUNDER RUMBLING)

(SNORING)

- KNUCKLES:
Wakey-wakey.

- (GASPS)

Marmalade time.

GUARD:
There you go, lads.

Good luck.

- Um, Mr. McGinty...

- What do you want?

Well, the thing is,

I'm actually innocent.

And I wondered

if you had any advice

on how to clear my name?

Now that we're friends.

KNUCKLES:
Friends? I'm

your boss, not your buddy.

Oh. Well, after you.

Why? So you can stab me

in the back?

No. Because it's polite.

Aunt Lucy said,

"If we're kind and polite,

"the world will be right."

(SCOFFS) You were ahead of me

and now you're behind.

That makes you a sap.

- Ingredients are over there.

- Um...

- Aren't you going to help?

- Nope. Now get on with it.

But there's 500 hungry prisoners

coming for breakfast,

so we'll need

1,000 juicy oranges and...

Oh, and rule number one:

no talking.

(GRUNTS)

(HUMMING)

Rule number two:

- no humming or singing...

- But... I...

...or any other expression

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