Pal Joey Page #2

about the situation...

she was really the manager's girl,

and she was a brunette at the time.

So good to see

American food again.

l've been out of the country. l've been

working for six months in Honolulu.

- You don't look very tan.

- lt was the rainy season.

lf you really want to know what

they wore under those grass skirts--

- Easy.

- Sorry.

- Excuse me, Miss, uh--

- English.

- For you, Ned.

- Okay, baby. Excuse me.

l heard about you, buster.

- Big reputation.

- Yeah.

But I'm too much of a lady

to say what for.

My sister worked

with you in Fresno.

She told me all about you.

Which one was she?

The one you didn't

get to first base with.

Oh, she was the ugly one.

Must be twins.

Hey, fellows, good news.

We're coming up in the world.

Got a call from the agent, and he wants

us to play a society party on Nob Hill.

Shorty, you call the union

and get four extra guys.

Okay, Ned.

Something must have happened to

the band bus. lt broke down somewhere.

- You want to go along?

- We'd love to.

Wait a minute. Maybe this could be

a chance to pick up a couple of bucks.

Ned boy, l'll never

forget you for this.

Oh, yes, you wiIl forget it.

Tell the drummer to get you a jacket.

- Nice to have met you, Miss, uh--

- English.

Gotta remember that.

There is a small hotel

With a wishing well

l wish that we were there

Together

There is a bridal suite

One room bright and neat

Complete for us to share

Together

Looking through the window

You can see a distant steeple

Not a sign of people

Who wants people

When the steeple bell

Says, good night, sleep well

We'll thank the small hotel

together

l don't recognize the body,

but the face is familiar.

That's Mrs. Prentiss Simpson.

She owns the place.

She didn't pick up that action

at Arthur Murray's.

You're right. She used to be

vera vanessa. She was in show business.

Then she married a wealthy guy

and retired. Don't you remember?

- lt was all in the papers.

- Yeah, now l remember.

""vanessa, the Undresser.'' l didn't

recognize her with her clothes on.

Not a bad-looking mouse.

lt's too bad you can't

afford her brand of cheese.

And when the steeple bell

Says, good night, sleep well

We'll thank the small hotel

Together

Sold to the highest bidder, our

charming hostess, Mrs. Prentiss Simpson.

Ladies and gentlemen, l believe

this ends our little auction.

l know you'll be

very happy to learn...

that the Children's Hospital

will be richer by--

$17,605.

lt's a wee bit short

of our goal of 20,000...

but unfortunately we seem to

have run out of articles to auction.

Just a minute, Mrs. Simpson.

l believe l have

something to auction.

How much would you bid to hear

Mrs. Simpson do one of her numbers?

This is her favorite charity.

She couldn't possibly say no.

How much will you pay

to see the lady do the number...

that made her name

a byword from coast to coast?

Don't tell me you don't

remember vera vanessa?

She used to be vera

with the vanishing veils.

You needn't start the bidding.

l will open the bidding.

l will get things going

by bidding $1,000.

Yes, sir, a thousand bucks

to see our lovely hostess...

do the number exactly

as she did it on the New York stage.

Well, not exactly because...

she promised the police commissioner

she would never do it that way again.

Do l hear 2,000? 2,000?

- 3,000!

- That's hardly enough.

That's hardly half enough.

We've got to do

a lot better than that.

l'll bid $4,000.

Do I hear $5,000?

$5,000, ladies and gentlemen.

Doesn't any--

$5,000?

Please-- $5,000!

- l'll bid 5,000!

- $5,000 the man bids.

Sold to the man for $5,000!

Ladies and gentlemen,

l give you Mrs. Prentiss Simpson.

You louse.

ln Paris

I headlined the follies

Billed as doll

of all the dollies

Admired by the great Stravinsky

But my greatest achievement

in the height of my career

Was the time I starred for Minsky

You're looking at

a former stripper

But before I unzip one zipper

I want it known

I was quite the artiste

But the intellectual kind

What was I thinking

while I worked you might ask

While I worked these thoughts

kept crossing my mind

Zip, Walter Lippmann

wasn't brilliant today

Zip, will the Giants

ever take it away

Zip, l was reading

Schopenhauer last night

Zip, and I think

that Schopenhauer was right

Sigmund Freud has often stated

dreams and drives are all related

Zip, I'm a firm believer

Dorothy Dix's daily column

tells that love is dear and solemn

Zip, l can take or leave her

Zip, it took intellect

to master my art

Zip, every movement

from the heart

l have read the works of Plato

Translated most of Cato

Zip, I am such a scholar

I don't care for Whistler's mother

Charley's aunt or Schubert's brother

Zip, had to make a dollar

Zip, you have asked me

what l think while l work

Zip, I've an intellectual quirk

And my thoughts may skip

whenever so inclined

Oh, zip

Zip, zip

l'm a broad

with a broad, broad mind

More! More!

Thank you very much,

ladies and gentlemen.

Now if you'll all step onto

the terrace, supper is being served.

l think that's a dandy idea.

Nothing like a midnight snack--

Just a minute,

my presumptuous friend.

The help is being fed

in the kitchen.

T-R-U--

lf you ever want to make a comeback,

l got some dandy material.

You can reach me

at the Barbary Coast Club.

- Good night, Ned.

- Good night. See you in the morning.

Before l go, there's

one thing l'd like to know.

What's that?

What would you have done

if you'd been stuck for the 4,000?

Simple. l'd have killed myself.

- Good night, Miss, uh--

- Forget it.

- Good night, Linda.

- Good night, Ned. See you at rehearsal.

Of all the dirty,

rotten, lowdown tricks.

- What are you talking about?

- You know what l'm talking about.

Linda. You know

l'm stuck on her.

- l never even gave her a second look.

- That's just it.

This is a beautiful girl,

and you act like she doesn't exist.

What are you trying to do?

Make a move with her?

- Who, me?

- No, him!

l told you l turned over a new leaf.

She's not my type.

They're all your type, Joey.

Wait a minute.

Where are you going?

l'm going to stay with you.

l got to have a place to stay.

Not with me. I just as soon

bunk with a cobra.

Just a minute.

Here's 20 bucks.

This is your share of tonight's take.

And you know what?

- What?

- Get your own room.

Ned, l'm hurt, really.

But if that's the way

you want it, okay.

Sure, l know. l'm going

to hate myself in the morning.

You may not have

to wait that long.

- What do you want?

- l want to rent the room.

At this hour?

Come back later.

l need it now.

l'm tired.

Sure you're not

one of those sex fiends?

Me? No, but l'm not against it.

- Where's your baggage?

- l left it at the airport.

lt's coming in the morning.

By the way, when the boy comes,

would you tip him? Here's $10.

All right.

l'd like something quiet.

You wouldn't have a room next

to someone who works nights, would you?

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