Palm Springs Weekend

The trouble with me is

I put women on a pedestal.

You gotta stop going out

with short women.

For instance, what happens

when you talk to a girl about sex?

I get the hiccups.

It's like an allergy.

You see,

whenever I think about sex, I, uh...

I'd like to see the coach's face when

he finds out we've gone to Palm Springs.

And he's stuck with all that health food.

- I don't think we should've run out on him.

- I say we're entitled to a break.

Yeah.

And what could be more of a break

than spending our Easter vacation...

...without listening

to old dog-face yelling:

"Men, when you get out there,

you're not just playing ball.

- You're-"

- On a field of combat.

Where winner takes all

and loser takes nothing.

I'll be darned. Hi, coach.

Well, how about that, gang, huh?

Well, what do you say to a cheer

for old Coach Campbell, huh?

Let's show him that the team's

still got that old fight...

...and yell left in them, huh?

Coach Campbell. Coach Campbell.

Hip, hip, hooray. Hip...

We're dead.

So.

Sneaked off like thieves

in the night, huh?

Keep it down, you gang!

Oh, coach, everybody else

is cutting out for Easter.

And you gotta admit

we've been playing pretty good ball lately.

And if we would've asked you,

you would've said no.

- You're sure of that, are you?

- Well, I-

When are you clowns gonna learn

that I happen to be a very nice guy?

All right. You men wanna go

to Palm Springs for Easter?

Yeah.

Sure.

Four-0 with me.

Hey, how about that?

Lots of desert to hike over.

Running in the sand

helps build up the ankles.

Good, clean air to breathe.

Or we stay right on this bus

and head back for Los Angeles.

- Come on, coach, we deserve a break.

- How about, you know, a little rest?

- We've been working hard.

- Think it over.

May I?

I don't care.

- You going to the Springs too?

- Mm-hm.

Good. Where's home?

Rexford Drive.

- Beverly Hills?

- Mm-hm.

Pretty fancy address.

Yes. Well, you see,

my father's quite successful.

How's he doing, Mike?

He is?

We're staying at the La Casa Yates.

It's probably not as nice

as you're accustomed to...

- No.

- ... but they might have a room left.

Oh, you think so? Please.

Well, it might be nice to stay at

one of those smaller out-of-the-way places.

Thanks.

It's your lighter.

Thank you.

"Easter invasion begins. "

Oh, my. Bunny!

Coming.

I don't know how your father's

going to stand all those teenagers...

...and the income-tax deadline.

That's because my father's

no ordinary chief of police.

- He's a tiger.

- Oh, he's nothing of the kind.

He's an ordinary middle-aged man

with very high blood pressure.

Oh, give the grapefruit with the cherry

to your father, dear.

Shooting off fireworks at Easter.

It's un-American.

Mother, you go through the same thing

every year.

Bunny, you know very well

that by the end of every Easter...

...the veins in your father's neck

swell up twice their normal size.

But they always go down again.

It's worse this year.

He couldn't button his collar yesterday.

And this is just the start of the week.

Cheer up, Mom.

Maybe it'll rain,

then all the kids will go home.

- Good morning, Cora.

- Good morning, dear.

Start with your grapefruit, darling.

Bunny, you'll be late.

- Good morning, Bunny.

- Good morning, Dad.

There's the smell of rain

in the air this morning, hm?

There's not a cloud in the sky.

That's what I was afraid of.

Cora, you left the pit in.

- It's good for you, dear. Swallow it.

- Swallow the pit?

Oh, Cora, not another one

of your tranquilizer pills.

I gave you one last year

and it saw you through very well.

Almost saw me out of my job.

Found me fast asleep on a fairway

at the Eldorado Country Club.

You never did explain

what you were doing at the country club.

I was investigating reports

of an open-pit barbecue on the fourth green.

Couldn't the Red Cross

declare Palm Springs a disaster area?

Oh, Cora, please.

I'm only asking for an expression of faith.

I would like to feel that you think...

...that I am capable

of handling a few young hoodlums...

...without the aid of an anesthetic.

Oh, for heaven's sake.

- What's the matter with you?

- I resent the generality, that's all.

Why is it everyone thinks

that up till 12 years of age you're cute...

...and after that you're Jack the Ripper?

Don't be disrespectful, Bunny.

I'm only trying to say,

that these kids come to Palm Springs...

...to get a little sunshine

and have some fun.

- Not to start a war.

- Bunny.

Oh, never mind. I'm late for work.

- I fix breakfast, no one eats it.

- Going out tonight, dear?

I have no plans to join the invasion forces,

if that's what you mean.

- So put your mind at ease.

- Oh, now, come on, now, Bunny rabbit.

You don't think it's a question

of my not trusting you, do you?

Well, no, not really.

Of course not. It's just that I remember

when I was a young college fella.

I bet he was a terror.

It wasn't very often

I took no for an answer.

Yeah, but you were too smart...

...to mess around with the daughter

of the chief of police, huh?

Bunny.

- Oh, now, Mom.

There's a musket in the attic if there

are any direct attacks on the house.

Oh, Bunny.

Excuse me.

- Darling, you never finish your breakfast.

No one ever finishes their breakfast.

Goodbye, darling.

I'll try to get home for dinner.

Remember your blood pressure, dear.

Don't panic, Cora.

It's the beginning of a gay week.

Rest stop. Fifteen minutes.

Everybody rest.

- Want a cold drink while we're waiting?

- Yes, please.

Looks like a madhouse in there.

Why don't you wait here?

Oh!

Hello?

Oh, hello, Dad?

No, this is Henry Blanchard, Eric.

Oh. May I speak with my father, please,

Mr. Blanchard?

He's not here.

Your father and the new Mrs. Dean

are honeymooning at Acapulco.

He went and did it again, huh?

He didn't say if he was planning

to stop in Palm Springs, did he?

- No, he didn't mention it.

- Oh.

Well, next time you see him,

just say that Eric sends regards.

No, you better say "your son. "

Yeah, make it "your son sends regards. "

" Eric" may not ring a bell.

Hee-hee-hee. You're a cute bunny.

Well, thank you. What's your name?

Eric Dean.

And I'm delighted

to make your acquaintance.

I wasn't talking to you. I asked him.

Oh, I beg your pardon.

Hi. I'm Bugs Bunny.

- Take me with you.

- Well, I don't know.

Before you answer that, I think

I'd better tell you, where he goes, I go.

We're a set.

Oh?

Well, I think I could trust Mr. Bugs,

but I'm not so sure about you.

Well, at least we could drive you

to Palm Springs.

And Bugs is a sparkling conversationalist.

All you have to do is pull the string.

No, I don't think so. Thanks, really.

- Why not?

- For one thing, my bags are on the bus.

We can pick your bags up at the station.

And I'll drive you

anywhere you wanna go, anywhere.

- No, I don't think I should.

- Oh, of course you should.

Bugs wouldn't steer you wrong.

Climb aboard.

I didn't get your name.

Rate this script:0.0 / 0 votes