Palo Alto Page #3

Call it, b*tch.

I f***ing am.

Oh, you are a b*tch?

No, I'm calling a f***ing foul.

You play dirty.

Oh, I play dirty?

I play dirty?

Yeah, you f***ing do

and you need to chill.

Ladies, ladies.

Do you think I play dirty?

Do you think I play dirty?

Jacko, you think I play dirty?

Yeah, kind of.

What the f***?

You're on my team.

This isn't powder puff football.

This isn't two hand touch.

Let's just play.

Chill out. God!

(SCOFFS)

(SPITS)

Real f***ing tough.

F***ing cheese d*cks.

Enjoy your f***ing game.

See ya.

F*** you, mama boy.

Hey, ladies, I wanna apologize

for my bad language back there.

(SNAPS FINGERS)

How's the smoking?

F***ing fine.

Mmm.

Can I try some of that

f***ing fine cigarette?

That is f***ing fine.

You want it back?

No?

You know what

bugs me about you, Pam?

You remind me

of a praying mantis.

You're all long and mantis like

and it just really gets on my

nerve because, you know...

How am I supposed to know if

you're a girl or a praying mantis?

I wanna go, Emily.

Don't go.

Did I offend you?

F*** you.

Are you coming?

I don't think she wants

to go with you.

Sorry. She wants

to stay. Emily?

I think I'm gonna stay.

Yeah!

F*** you guys.

F*** you. Go eat some more of

your f***ing mates, b*tch!

Guess I kind of

ruined your friendship.

She wasn't really a friend.

Just a girl.

FRED:

Wanna get out of here?

EMILY:
Yeah.

Do you wanna come over?

Yeah.

Whoa!

Emily's room.

Do you like it?

Hey, you got a lot

of sh*t in your room.

Yeah.

What's this?

That's my headband.

Do I look sexy?

Second grade. (CHUCKLING)

Yo, what's up?

(EMILY LAUGHING)

Where's Teddy?

Why does everybody always ask about Teddy,

seriously?

I don't know.

You're always with him.

He follows me around.

What am I supposed to do?

I'm not a rude person.

Is that your guitar?

Yeah.

I don't know how

to play it, though.

Can I play?

Yeah. Do you know how?

Yeah, f***ing master of guitar.

Virtuoso.

Emily Emily, Emily, Emily

Emily, Emily, Emily

Emily, Emily, Emily

Whoo! Emily!

Whoo! Whoo! Emily!

Whoo! Whoo!

I wrote that for you.

Will you teach me how to play?

Do you wanna know

how to play guitar?

All right, here we go.

Lesson 101, G-chord.

Put your fingers here.

One finger here.

One finger here.

One finger here.

Right. Now strum.

That was not that bad.

Now, here's the second lesson.

Put...

Do you like building forts?

Sure.

(EMILY LAUGHS)

EMILY:
What?

EMILY:
A butterfly kiss.

Your mom never gave you those?

FRED:
Mom never gave

me a butterfly kiss.

All right.

Where you going?

What do you mean?

You leaving?

Yeah.

It was fun.

Was it good?

Yeah.

It was good.

(SIGHS)

Will you call me?

Uh-huh.

(CLEARS THROAT)

Cool. All right.

Peace out.

I'll see you around.

Bye.

Yeah, whatever.

ROBIN:
His arm

and that's the claw.

And these are

gonna be tentacles.

Oh, good.

Great job.

Like a man-octopus.

WILSON:
And this is...

ROBIN:
That's...

That's the head.

Like a melon.

Well, it's like a cantaloupe.

I wanna see... Draw a cantaloupe and I

wanna see how it looks compared to...

I'll do it but I don't get it.

Okay.

Okay.

You draw fast.

You draw really fast.

You know, Picasso drew fast.

He could draw a dove

in 16 seconds.

Sixteen seconds.

You know the dove?

Uh, yeah, the doves are great.

They are great.

But, you know, to do it in 16 seconds

it took six decades of practice.

Technical skill is not enough.

It's never enough.

He had to master the masters

before he was able

to abandon what he learned

and become Picasso.

You know, you remind

me of Sylvester Stallone.

What?

Yeah.

Underneath all that muscle,

you know, he's a very smart dude.

And, you know, he wrote Rocky.

I mean, he wrote Rocky, he wrote all four

of Rocky. I mean, that dude's smart.

(GROANS)

What?

Yeah.

MR. B:
April.

What're you doing

sitting in that locker.

I don't know.

I just like it sometimes.

Surprised you can fit in there.

I guess.

Is everything okay? I haven't seen

you at practice past couple of days.

I just... I fell behind on a bunch of

schoolwork so I've been catching up.

Mmm-hmm.

I promise I'll be there next week.

Do I still get to play?

(SIGHS) Yeah. I just wanted to

make sure everything's okay.

You know you can talk to me, right?

That's part of what a coach does.

Okay.

If you need help with homework,

I'm pretty good at that, too.

Yeah, sure.

Why don't you just bring your schoolwork

to my house when you babysit next time?

Okay, I will. Mmm-hmm.

Yeah?

So, I'll see you at practice?

Yeah, I promise.

I will.

Promise? Okay.

Promise.

Don't get stuck in there.

TEDDY:
I'm really sorry about

what happened. I can't...

Oh, Teddy, Teddy.

What I did.

There's... There's no

need to apologize.

No, I...

No. No, there isn't.

And do you know why?

Why?

Because you have a problem.

You're an alcoholic.

But you know that, right?

Yeah. Oh, yeah.

I mean, it's getting to be

such a problem now, I just...

See, that's good

that he knows that.

That I understand that.

The reason I can spot people like you

is because I have

a problem, too. Eating.

And in some way, your problem is

much easier to solve than my problem

because I have temptation at

least three times a day. And...

Thing is if you're an alcoholic

and you know you're an alcoholic

and you don't do something about

being that, you're an a**hole.

That's a little much.

We're talking about

alcohol here...

Right. We're talking about

a slightly different

set of circumstances from

getting a Whitman sampler

and eating every

single chocolate in there.

You know, I don't really... You know what,

I really don't appreciate your attitude.

Hello.

I'm, uh, here for

the community service.

Oh, you must be Teddy.

Yeah, I am.

We're so happy to have you.

TEDDY:
Great. LIBRARIAN:

Come on over and I'll show you around.

Twenty two, 13... Where are you 22.13?

TEDDY:
Hey.

Hey!

You know what?

I'm really liking it here.

We really like you.

And you know what?

You can always come back

even after all this is over.

Right on.

Okay.

FRED:
Hello.

Dude, Fred, you can't be here.

Why not? I miss you.

'Cause I'm working.

Yeah, right.

What're you doing?

What's this?

Rainbow Gremlins.

It's tight.

Used to be my favorite.

This sh*t is stupid.

This book is your favorite? Yeah.

F*ggot.

Holy sh*t!

Rainbow Gremlins were gay.

Dude...

They were f***ing gay.

Dude, they sucked

the juice out of rainbows.

Shut up.

We're in a library, man.

(SOFTLY) They sucked the

juice out of rainbows.

Rainbows are gay, get it?

So?

Don't get all defensive about it.

It's just a fact.

You and the Rainbow Gremlins

are gay as f***.

Yeah, f*** you, dude.

And they just hang out all the time,

all together.

That' all they do.

Just f***ing hang out.

It's exactly what we do.

What're you...

No. Fred?

You can't do that, dude.

Dude, look.

No...

Pubes.

(METAL CREAKING)

FRED:
That was

really trippy, man.

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